Letting go...

Since my dad died 18 years ago, I haven't had blind faith about anything in my life. That was the first and last time I excercised my faith muscle about anything. My mother told me to cry out to God and prayer because He'd never turn a deaf ear on a child's tears. I believed that whole heartedly, but my prayers weren't answered. As I grew up, I tried my best to get over the whole ordeal and move on by building my faith. But, try as I might, it just wasn't a hurdle I could jump.

Actually it took a toll on the faith of my whole family. We all became pessimistic and skepticism of the power of God ran through our blood. We continued to go to church and pray and live our lives as we should, but our prayers lacked the faith they so desperately needed. I've fearfully clung on to the "map of my life" for so long that my knuckles are white. But there comes a time you've just got to let go and let God. I've tried to figure out the route and direction of my life, but it makes no sense to me...because i'm not the mapmaker.

I've finally handed the map over to the maker. I let go and let God. and whether things work out soon...or whether I'm still going to have wait for things to make sense in my life...I'm just going to have faith. I have been blessed despite my faithlessness...how much more will He bless me now. =)