Live blogging...

It's 1:30 a.m, and I'm awake....a little earlier than normal. Usually I wake up around 3 or 4, but I went to bed early last night, so I guess it makes sense that I'm up earlier. This is how it is every night. I can't remember the last time I slept through the entire night. Why am I awake? I feel a burning sensation inside my chest and it woke me up. So now I'm live blogging in the fetal position...

I don't know what's causing the burn....I used to think I was feeling the effects of radiation but maybe it's just this ulcerated,angry tumor. Or maybe it's because I had Indian food today. Im sure you're thinking... Well, stop eating Indian food!! But, ehhh, I'm Indian!!! I'm trying to eat a normal diet now since surgery is fast approaching and afterwards my eating will have to be completely different for a long while. It's frustrating that some days are worse than others and I have no idea why...or that I can swallow some things with such ease and other things fight its way back up my throat and there's no rhyme or reason to it.  All I can think about right now is a snow cone... Because the thought of swallowing that cold ice seems like it would relieve the fire in the middle of my chest.

Earlier this evening I was holding baby Isaac and he was sitting on my lap playing and I wondered why I had pain in my GI junction (the point where my esophagus and stomach meet) and I realized it was because he was leaning against me and that's exactly where his little head was resting. 

Maybe my cancer buddy is right...maybe I will only feel relief and be pain free after surgery when the cancer is completely out of me. And although I am looking forward to that day....I find the thought of surgery and recovery to be completely daunting. It's not my first rodeo...I've been under the knife several times but I know the road to recovery will be a long one this time. 

I know there are countless prayer warriors bombarding Heaven with prayers on my behalf. I have been blessed to meet a few in person but there are others all over the world that I might never get to thank face to face. But I know that it is definitely those prayers that have helped me be strong through out the past five months. Even at times like this when I'm hurting and tired...I have faith that this is a temporary feeling...that God has a plan for me...and this too shall pass. I couldn't feel that way without the prayers and support that I have received so far.

It's 2:10 a.m...I'm going to fight past this pain, close my eyes, think of snow cones, and hopefully drift back to sleep!