Curveballs...

Forgive me for my absence....I've been in the hospital for the last 13 days.  I haven't wanted to pick up my phone, text, blog, watch tv, or listen to music.  I've been totally out of commission and unplugged from the world...I guess you could say.  It's been a both physically and emotionally grueling few weeks.  I needed that time...and probably just a little more to get through the pain of surgery and be physically stronger.  As always, God has been with me every day....teaching me lessons and reminding me that I'm never alone.

So, where did I leave you last?  Oh yes...the dreaded NG tube.  Well, I never had to get one!  Basically the Drs didn't feel like it would help me get enough nutrition with just three short days before surgery.  So I spent the week before surgery trying to get food down and keep it there.  I was miserable.  It was so painful to eat...and after I ate, it didn't feel any better.  My stomach would bloat up as if I had eaten a 4 course meal...when in reality I had just a few spoons of cream of wheat.  All I could think about was surgery and the relief I would have afterwards.

Friday morning couldn't arrive soon enough!  Although my heart was fine, they wanted me to get a pacemaker before the procedure to assure that I wouldn't have any more problems if my heart stopped again for any reason.  So, I said my goodbyes to my family and my cancer bud (CB)...and got whisked away to the OR.

And that's when life threw me yet another curveball.  I woke up and felt great....I mean, aside from the throbbing gash that ran vertically up my belly. I did wonder why I still didn't have the NG tube though.  I didn't see it hanging from my nose or feel it in my throat.  I happened to glance  at a clock and notice surgery seemed to get done a lot quicker than it should have.  My family and CB were all surrounding me by that time....and none of them were smiling and I wondered if they were waiting on me to say something to know if I was truly Ok.  And then, CB began to answer the questions that were filling my head....

The doctors made their incision, saw that the cancer cells had spread to the lining of the stomach, and closed me up.  My tumor was in-operable.  Chemotherapy starts again in three weeks.

I instantly looked at the sullen faces of my mom and uncle....and assured them that I was going to be fine.  I know God sent us my CB to show us that it doesn't matters what doctors say....He is still heals.  (My CB's tumor was operable, but his cancer returned and spread, and just weeks before my surgery he was given news of a clear pet scan.) The very same thing can happen for me.

Reality still jolts me sometimes, but I have been able to find peace and strength in the Lord.  Every day I feel His presence and it's truly more than I can ask for.  I am surrounded by lots of love and support...which is what I need to get stronger.  I know there are countless people praying for me, but I'm asking for continued prayers.  I knew when I set out on this battle against cancer that it was going to be a long and hard one....but I didn't know just how long and hard....and honestly, I still don't.  Every day there are curveballs....and I've learned that it's okay.  As long as I face each day and its' challenges as it comes without looking and planning ahead...God gives me just enough strength, grace, and mercy each day...