The past week has been really rough...They warned me that radiation just gets worse as time goes by. I guess I didn't really believe them because I couldn't foresee how much worse it could get. It's hard to explain how I feel...It used to be just swallowing pain, but now it's pain in general. Sometimes I'll just sit around and catch myself groaning because my insides hurt.
For the past 4 days, I've been waking up and throwing up and I'm not even sure why. I've been told that maybe it's just in my head and possibly I'm subconsciously convincing myself to do it, but I'm not. Waking up at 6:30 am and throwing up isn't my idea of a good time. I try to will myself to not feel nauseous, but I wake up with a fire ball in the pit of my stomach that just bubbles its' way up my throat. Sorry if that's too descriptive.
Anyway, I then proceed to drag myself to radiation. MD Anderson makes that process pretty easy...I get to valet my car, check in, and within minutes I'm on the radiation table. The process is pretty painless. I just lay there for twenty minutes or so...while this big arm rotates around me. I typically use that time to pray or sing in my head...which is the only place I should be singing, by the way. After radiation I sip on a Boost cocktail as I make my way back to my home away from home.
I immediately kick off my shoes and plummet face first back into my bed after taking my chemo pills. I typically wake up an hour later when BF calls me on her way to work...and then I hang up and go right back to sleep. By 10 or 11, I'm trying to convince myself to get out of bed...I feel all sorts of burning in my stomach and chest because by then, I'm starving. So, I drag myself to the kitchen for some cereal. When I eat these days I try to sit perfectly straight and not lean back in my chair because for some reason, it makes things worse. While I eat, I usually cough uncontrollably because I feel like my food is stuck and sometimes that causes me to heave. These days I just don't know what I can eat, so I just eat and deal with the pain. Even water causes so much pain going down that it often makes me jolt. I try to take smaller sips and drink luke-warm things, and sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't.
After I eat, I just feel uncomfortable inside...I can't really explain the feeling... it burns and hurts simultaneously. By the time I'm done eating...I'm exhausted again. After sleeping for a few more hours, I convince myself to go out....I window shop, sit out on the balcony and stare at palm tree leaves, or sit pool side with my book! I usually classify breakfast as brunch and then just start thinking about what the heck I'm going to eat for dinner. Thinking about that is exhausting...so I typically need another nap before dinner! I usually wake up when I get phone calls from my mom, uncles and aunts or cousins...and they all remind me to eat...so I drag myself into the kitchen to rummage through my fridge for dinner.
If I don't have an visitors, that's my night...I shower and go back to bed where I usually watch a Malayalam movie and fall asleep! I've never slept so much in my life...but I'm drained...and my insides are just so uncomfortable that sleeping seems to be the best way to deal with it. So that's a day in my life these days! I'm going to need lots of prayers to get through this last week of therapy. The doctors say that my insides will take two weeks post radiation to heal...so please keep those prayers coming!!
For the past 4 days, I've been waking up and throwing up and I'm not even sure why. I've been told that maybe it's just in my head and possibly I'm subconsciously convincing myself to do it, but I'm not. Waking up at 6:30 am and throwing up isn't my idea of a good time. I try to will myself to not feel nauseous, but I wake up with a fire ball in the pit of my stomach that just bubbles its' way up my throat. Sorry if that's too descriptive.
Anyway, I then proceed to drag myself to radiation. MD Anderson makes that process pretty easy...I get to valet my car, check in, and within minutes I'm on the radiation table. The process is pretty painless. I just lay there for twenty minutes or so...while this big arm rotates around me. I typically use that time to pray or sing in my head...which is the only place I should be singing, by the way. After radiation I sip on a Boost cocktail as I make my way back to my home away from home.
I immediately kick off my shoes and plummet face first back into my bed after taking my chemo pills. I typically wake up an hour later when BF calls me on her way to work...and then I hang up and go right back to sleep. By 10 or 11, I'm trying to convince myself to get out of bed...I feel all sorts of burning in my stomach and chest because by then, I'm starving. So, I drag myself to the kitchen for some cereal. When I eat these days I try to sit perfectly straight and not lean back in my chair because for some reason, it makes things worse. While I eat, I usually cough uncontrollably because I feel like my food is stuck and sometimes that causes me to heave. These days I just don't know what I can eat, so I just eat and deal with the pain. Even water causes so much pain going down that it often makes me jolt. I try to take smaller sips and drink luke-warm things, and sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't.
After I eat, I just feel uncomfortable inside...I can't really explain the feeling... it burns and hurts simultaneously. By the time I'm done eating...I'm exhausted again. After sleeping for a few more hours, I convince myself to go out....I window shop, sit out on the balcony and stare at palm tree leaves, or sit pool side with my book! I usually classify breakfast as brunch and then just start thinking about what the heck I'm going to eat for dinner. Thinking about that is exhausting...so I typically need another nap before dinner! I usually wake up when I get phone calls from my mom, uncles and aunts or cousins...and they all remind me to eat...so I drag myself into the kitchen to rummage through my fridge for dinner.
If I don't have an visitors, that's my night...I shower and go back to bed where I usually watch a Malayalam movie and fall asleep! I've never slept so much in my life...but I'm drained...and my insides are just so uncomfortable that sleeping seems to be the best way to deal with it. So that's a day in my life these days! I'm going to need lots of prayers to get through this last week of therapy. The doctors say that my insides will take two weeks post radiation to heal...so please keep those prayers coming!!
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| Me, my book, and my sweatpants...sitting poolside! |
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