Another sleepless night...

I've been given new meds to help with the pain, but nothing seems to be touching it. I think I've accepted the fact that I'm going to be hurting until surgery... Until this thing is out of me. But, of course surgery will cause a different kind of pain and have a different set of obstacles to overcome.

Today I booked my flight to go back to Houston and I'm working on getting my apartment back...the MD Anderson website has officially scheduled my surgery for May 27th. So it's all becoming very real. 

So far, I've been pretty strong, happy, and positive for the most part....but when you're in pain it's really hard to stay that way. I thought I understood pain when I was on chemo...and then came radiation...but what I'm feeling now is more intense than both. I think the pain hurts me physically and emotionally now because I thought my time home would be pain free. After all, I'm off treatment! But nothing about cancer is predictable....

I was awake and just searching the web for some inspiration and found this quote...

I think that when its all said and done...this is my goal...I want to be a beautiful person. I want to believe that every second of pain I feel has a purpose...and that it's shaping me into becoming a better person.  It's so much easier to fight when you believe there is a purpose to fight for.