Word of the day:
arrant \AR-unt\, adjective:
Thoroughgoing; downright; out-and-out; confirmed; extreme; notorious.
I wish someone would correct her arrant thinking or that she would seek professional mental help.

Yesterday's word:
fulsome \FUL-sum\, adjective:
1. Offensive to the taste or sensibilities.
2. Insincere or excessively lavish; especially, offensive from excess of praise.
His fulsome flattery made me realize that he was not someone that I could trust.

I've been thinking. I know, that's never a good thing....but this time it isn't so bad. As anyone who has talked to me, read my blogs, seen my face over the past month knows...I've been so frustrated lately. But, I realize that there's little to nothing I can do about my situation except...keep trying. I'm tired and mentally beat...but a job won't find me...I have to find it. So, today I will start the job hunt once again...instead of waiting around to wait for decisions...because waiting around idly is probably what's making me most nuts.

I got a call from Billy this weekend...asking me for some help with something he had to write. I agreed. At the time, I was walking Mousse...so as I walked home, I began to think...What I want to be able to do with my life/professionally is write...it doesn't matter what I write...as long as I get to write SOMETHING. However, it's the one job I can't seem to find. But, when I'm not working...I'm almost busy writing...whether it be articles for the Beacon, newsletters/notes for the missionaries, helping people with essays, random calls for help with letters...etc, etc..

I guess what I'm saying is...I've completely overlooked the way God has opened doors for me to keep using/practicing/brushing up on my writing skills because I've been so frustrated. I have been doing my little side jobs...but haven't really been doing it faithfully. I guess I have to be faithful in my work...not just my paying job, but my unpaying jobs as well before God takes me to another level of fulfillment. I can't take the little things for granted because maybe He is using the little things to teach me/prepare me for the big things at hand.

I'm preaching to myself here when I say that I have to get over this frustration. I can't believe that I would go through 4 years of applying for jobs and never hearing a response...to going through one month of 4 interviews one right after another...for absolutely no reason. Either there is a job to be had or a lesson to be learned...whatever it is...I must rid myself of the frustration and open my heart and mind to receive. Easier said than done perhaps...but as I write this, I'm already feeling a bit of hope creeping into my heart...and a few less pounds on my shoulders.