I’ve noticed something over the past several months. But, every time the thought enters my mind, I quickly sweep it under the rug. I choose to live in denial, I guess…and “I ain’t talkin’ about the river.” However, it’s getting to a point that denial isn’t really working for me anymore. The obvious is staring me in the face these days….

I’m losing it, my creativity, that is. Blogging used to be a daily ritual….my fifteen minutes to stand on my soap box and tell the world what I really thought of it...my one remaining link to the writer that’s buried somewhere within. As my good friend DM pointed out to me last week…I’ve been blogging since 2005. Always the encourager...he’s been this blog’s life support over the past several months. Some days…it was the sheer thought of his disappointment that kept me from calling it quits altogether.

It’s not just blogging…it’s the pictures too. I loved toting my camera with me everywhere I went…it got to a point where it was kind of embarrassing. I couldn’t simply meet up with a friend at Starbucks with out my camera nestled safely in my purse ready to pull out for an “artistic shot” or an “upshot” at any given moment. Very rarely was a special moment missed…I have a hard drive full of captured memories. Now? I have to be reminded to take the camera along…and if it actually lands in my purse, it’s rarely used.

With the price of gas creeping up again…and grocery prices being higher than I ever remember. I feel like buying a canvas is frivolous…and painting is a guilty pleasure, which I no longer partake in. Not to mention, I’ve run out of walls to put paintings on. =/

Yesterday, I was asked to help someone with a bit of wedding planning. As I made a few phone calls for the bride and put my thinking cap on to come up with ideas for centerpieces and favors, a familiar feeling came over me. It was a brief, sneak peak into the person I used to be….The person who literally got a high off when planning a shower.

What is it that they say in recovery programs? Admitting the problem is the first step to recovery? If so, maybe I’m on the long road to finding myself again….to igniting the flame that life somehow blew out. It’s disappointing, to say the least…to feel that doing the things you love to do isn’t practical…and when washing dishes and doing the laundry takes precedence over doing something that brings true satisfaction. *sigh*