Friday, January 27, 2006

55 words of fiction...buahaha!

ahhh Friday. Little can ruin my naturally jovial mood on a Friday. Friday just feels good. There's a sense of freedom in the air. The clock beckons 4:45. ahhh, Friday...I love thee as dogs love tummy santa loves Christmas...yah, i'm outta my freaking mind. you would be too if you were in my shoes...if your mindless 9-5 made you feel like eating hot tar might be a preferable experience! I was so bored today that I did something tres mischevious. My pastor's son (who also works here) and I exchange 55 words of fiction Friday. However, we haven't been doing it lately because...well, because by Friday every ounce of creativity has been sucked out of my being.

So, today...I'm feeling a little spunky and I decide to write him the following email:

I couldn’t take it anymore. This morning I handed my two week notice and resignation letter in. Hopefully God will open another door for me. I have 2 weeks to find out. I’m not quite sure what I was thinking. A part of me is relieved, but the other part of me is very scared.

He calls me a second later..."Sue, tell me your kidding," he says with shock.

"55 words of fiction," I replied between chuckles.

"Your cruel!" he exclaims.

"No, I'm clever," I state proudly.

That's it folks...the hilight of my day. So...shoutoutz time...

To me for finishing Harry Potter and moving right along to "memoirs of a geisha"

To me for thinking of that clever prank to pull

To me for not biting my nails at all this week...despite the fact that you can see white tips on them!!

To Sunu for suggesting a girls night out tonight...i really need one!

To Sunu for bringing me back a snazzy scarf from Canada!

To my mom being outta the house tonight and unable to biyatch about when I decide to return home from the girls night out!

To John...the only guy who's allowed on the girls night out

To Monday...the only Monday i'm ever gonna look forward's PAY DAY!

Four~ courtesy of Scorpsy

Four jobs I have had:
*cashier @ Hyde Drug when I was 16. I worked at drugstores my entire high school/college career and made awesoem friends through the experience. Good memories....

*loan processor @ UC Lending. This was quite possibly the funnest job I had. I worked every day with Sunu A and we constantly talked, laughed, and enjoyed!

*Car re-possesser in Dallas. I didn't actually go pick up the car, but I processed the paper work to pick up the car. man, that was interesting. but, there too...I made friends with a group of interesting people. It was so much fun to work with people my age...of all races and backgrounds. I remember taking the group to an Indian party with times.

* Customer service rep...I remember when I first started, they used to beg me to talk. A year later...all I ever heard was "you talk too much."

Four movies I could watch over and over:
*My Best Friends Wedding
*Monsoon Weding
*Pretty Woman

Four places I've lived:
*Chicago, Illinois
*Ft. Worth, Texas
*Houston, Texas
*Oklahoma City, Ok

Four TV shows I love to watch:
*Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
*Extreme Make Over Home Edition

Four places I've been on vacation: (I'm going to keep it domestic)
*New York City, NY
*Orlando, FL
*Washington, DC
*Nassau, Bahamas

Four of my favorite foods:
*Pepperoni pizza
*JC's chocolate cake
*cheeseburgers from McD's
*Big Ol' Burritos from Taco Bueno

Four places I'd rather be right now:
*New York City
*Colorado Springs
*Corpus Christi

Four sites I visit daily:

Four Bloggers I am tagging:
*Sunu K
*Distant Cousins

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I stole the following from my pal Miss SunuK- from the extraordinary life of an not-so-ordinary librarian.
Facts about me:
A is for Age:
31...time keeps slipping away like sands thru an hourglass

B is for Booze of choice:
Vodka most preferably mixed with something fruity

C is for Career:
I wish C stood for chip of choice because that would be easier to answer...hmm, a writer?

D is for your Dog's name:
Mousse...short for Moussipher

E is for Essential items you use every day:
Oatmeal, my cellphone, straws, my black sweater (the 2nd one that is currently missing!!)

F is for Favorite song at the moment:

Check up on it-Beyonce

G is for favorite Games:

H is for Hometown:
Chicago, Illinois.

I is for Instruments you play:
Piano, Clarinet, Cymbals, and Tambourine. ;)

J is for Jam or Jelly you like:
mmm..I don't have the luxury of eating jam anymore, but peach was so awesome!

K is for Kids:
Yes, please

L is for Last kiss:
don't ask it will only depress you

M is for Most admired trait:
loyalty, humility, humor, selflessness

Most admired by others?
probably humor

N is for Name of your crush:
Barrett Hardridge, a beautiful brown-eyed boy

O is for Overnight hospital stays:
yep, once

P is for phobias:
failure and bad guys

Q is for quotes you like:
I am woman hear me roar. that's the only one i can think of at the moment

R is for biggest Regret:
no regrets- it's too late now

S is for Sweets of your choice:
JC's chocolate cake

T is for Time you wake up:

U is for Underwear:
All you need to know is that I wear them.

V is for Vegetable you love:
broccoli, zuchinni, corn on the cob

W is for Worst Habit:
biting my nails

X is for X-rays you've had:

Y is for Yummy food you make:
I make awesome brownies, my chicken parmesan and pasta fazul isn't so bad either

Z is for Zodiac sign:

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The things that clutter my mind...

I talked with Scorpsy last night when she was feeling a bit blue. Ever the advice-giver, I suggested she use the blog to vent her frustrations. It's the perfect space to do so, since you can't be interrupted. So, I decided to take my own advice. My mind has been cluttered lately. That's the best term I can use to describe it. I shy away from discussing my issues with ANYONE because I'm quite sure people are tired of hearing about it and I don't think many would understand. It's hard to understand a position you've never been in.

I'm not seeking anything from anyone by writing this. Please don't feel compelled to give me advice or moral support...I'm not fishing for compliments or trying to get anyone to rally to my side. I'm just using my space to vent. Nothing more...Nothing less.

The things that clutter my mind....

Lately I wonder if my creativity is officially plugged up. I just read Harry Potter. I must be the last person in America to JUST read the first book of the series and jump on the band wagon. But I'm always a day late and a dollar short. People like JK Rowling and Janet Fitch, the author of White Oleander, inspire and amaze me. They were dreamers who had little hope, but were discovered and rewarded for dreaming. But, then I heard this little voice inside my head tell me that could never happen to me. I feel talentless. In my college days, I tapped into a source of creativity and found it so easy to come up with subject matter for my short stories. And now that source has completely run dry. I've always been one to think that judging a person's writing and creativity is virtually impossible. Everyone has a different style which attracts various types of readers. But now, I feel as if I have no style...

A part of me is certain that my inability to write is because of my lack of writing right now. I'm stuck in an 8-5 that completely stifles me. It uses one portion of my brain, but not the other that screams to be used. I've boxed away everything I love and everything I'm good at for a steady income and a 401k. I stay stifled because I enjoy security way too much and my biggest fear is failure. I've done it way too many times in my life and oddly, I find it less traumatic to sit and rot then to try and fail. I've finally discovered a career that might help me breathe some life back to my writing while allowing me to enjoy the luxury of a steady income. But it's a field I know little about and must research at great length before I deem it "secure." Hopefully, it will be what I need to restore some semblance of sanity to my life. Not only will it allow me freedom to financially pursue some of goals, but it will allow me to use the other side of my brain that's been neglected.

When I was a kid...I used to think driving a car was something so "out there." It seemed like such an impossible feat to actually learn to drive and pass a test. But eventually, I took the steps to achieve the goal...driver's ed, practice drives, learner's permit, and finally my driver's license. Although it seemed impossible, I eventually achieved it. Marriage seemed the say way...It was so "out there." The idea of meeting a guy, loving him, him loving me, and him proposing to me was something that boggled my mind...but like the driving, I figured it'd happen some day. I've done all the appropriate steps...or so I think. I've met guys on my own...I've allowed family to try to play matchmaker...I've even went to India to see what all the hype's about....and still nothing. I've met seemingly perfect men, who had one small flaw...they've had absolutely no interest in me. I've lost track of how many times I've listened to guys list off the characteristics they are seeking in their would-be wives and mentally checked them off as qualities that I've possessed. But, it's almost as if these men have blinders on and they see everyone else, but me. And as time passes, it's harder to sit and listen to men and their lists, it's harder to put my heart out there and be open to someone who has the potential of chewing it up and spitting it out, it's just plain hard to accept that what seems to come so naturally for some won't come at all for me.

So fine...not EVERYONE gets married. It sucks, but I can accept it. But, when you pack up a dream, it's hard to let yourself build new dreams. You fear dreaming or hoping because you don't want to live through disappointment after disappointment. But, what's the use of living if you have no hopes and dreams. I guess disappointments are snags in the road, but that's's just a series of hurdles...some low, some high...but it's all about having strength to jump over it and keep running...even though another one is just up ahead. It'll take some time for me to get myself motivated enough to keep going...but it's something I can and will do. But right now, I just want to be upset/angry/sad because I'm frustrated...

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

It's sad that the only thing that inspires me to write these days is the Bachelor. I am thankful for the cheeziest show on television because it allows me to put aside my own woes for 2 hours and concentrate on the disfunction in the lives of other women. It's a nice change of pace.

The week's episode was particularly interesting because it kind of showed you what men out there look for in a woman. Now don't get me wrong, I'm quite sure Dr. Travis Stork doesn't represent all the men in America, but I think it's fairly safe to say that many men are looking for the same thing.

I don't know if there are any men out there who read my blog, but if you do and you disagree with anything I'm about to say, please do voice your opinions. I'm curious to know how you feel. In last week's episode, the dashing bachelor let go of "Cole"...who was later described to be the sweetest and most sincere girl in the entire group. The other girls were shocked by the bachelor's decision.

But, isn't this just how it goes? From my experience, it seems that the majority of guys don't like sweet girls. Well, let me rephrase that. They LIKE them. In fact, they definitely want them to be a part of their lives, but not as their significant others. They like the attention and TLC that sweet girls provide but when it comes to relationships, sweet girls are a bore. They don't offer up enough of a challenge or excitement.

9 out of 10 sweet girls have run into a guy who has gotten chewed up and spit out by a feisty girl who not only stole his heart, but stomped on it and broke it when she was done. Afterwards, he complains, whines, and cries to the sweet girl about how horrible and cold this witch was. He then tells her everything he wants in a woman the next time around. Oddly enough, he's describing the sweet girl. Everything he's looking for is right in front of his face, but he's either to A. blind or B. dumb to see it. Does he choose the sweet girl eventually? No, he completely glazes over the fact that she's indeed alive...and pursue another woman who's exactly like the woman he broke up with months before.

So what becomes of the sweet girl? Well, hopefully she will be able to find that needle in the haystack... The one guy who appreciates her for who she is and the sweetness she serves up. It's hard to find, but surely that guy exists somewhere.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

what is love?

The stores are now shelved with huge stuffed gorillas, frogs, and teddies, clinging to puffy read hearts, bearing nauseating statments like "I love you"..."Be mine"...and "Happy Valentines Day." My least-favorite holiday will soon be upon all of us, bringing with it more harm than good. This is the day when people raise their expectations, hope beyond hope, and for me...dread beyond dread.

To the poor souls who have resorted to reading this blog as a means of combatting bordom...I warn you...I am in one of those "love's completely overrated" moods. Bear with me if you have the patience to do so. My BF sent me an email today...the question in the subject line was the exact question that had been floating through my head the entire night and much of the morning. "What is love?"

Apparently the question was asked to a bunch of 4 to 8 year olds who had astounding answers...such as, "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands gotarthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8. The rest of the definitions of love were just as impressive. In my effort to write down in words what it is I am looking for and expecting from love...I responded to my BF with these words..."love is a rare and precious jewel that is so hard to find. but to discover love, is worth all the hardships and struggles you face along the way. to find someone who loves you is to find your biggest fan, the one who wipes away your tears with no questions asked, your team mate and partner in this thing called life, who knows your dreams and encourages you to live them."

I hate to bring up something so cheezy as a reality TV show right now, but this reminds me of a scene from this week's episode of the Bachelor. He went on a one on one date with a rather goofy girl. They were in the middle of a river in France, in a romantic boat, having a once-in-a-lifetime type of dinner....and regrettably, she finds this is the most opportune time to cut up an orange peel and stick it in her mouth to make it look like jacked up teeth. As goofy and embarrassing as she was, she said something that totally struck me.

She said, "All I can do is be me...and the person who is out there for me will love me for me." At taht moment, the goofball made total sense. It didn't matter how socially akward she was...the right guy for her woulda laughed with her...and probably made his own set of teeth out of orange peels. I guess that's what I learned this week. The right person will appreciate you for who you are...

Monday, January 16, 2006

I was so looking forward to coming to work and asking for ½ a day off...until I got to my desk this morning and noticed my voice mail button lit up on the phone. I dialed in and heard the heart crushing co-worker would be out, which meant I would need to stay here all day. The weekend was great, and I had high hopes of making it last just one more day.

It was a "catch up with old friends weekend."...and it was really nice. The great thing about old friends is that they truly know you, so there is no need for explanations. You can busy for a month and or an old friend and pick up right where you left off. I reflected a lot upon my friendships this weekend. It's so odd how different we all are yet we have this mutual respect and understanding. Sure, we stomp on each others' hearts every once in a while, but wounds have a way of healing and gaps close with little to no effort. A conversation with an old friend is so natural and tying a shoe lace. You don't have to hide behind walls or masks, hiding who you are in fear of judgment.

Anyway, all good weekends must come to an end. I must remain behind this screen for another 4.5 hours. I'm going to make head gear out of paperclips...designed to help hold my eyelids up. wish me luck!

Friday, January 13, 2006

My good friend and neighbor, the Illustrious Finuji has pointed out to me on more than one occasion that her husband and I are just alike. I don't know about "just alike" but we do share some similar traits and opinions. The funy think is..I noticed most of my girlfriends have married men who share a lot my interests, opinions, and characteristics. I'm not sure how to explain this...but it's strange on many levels. Strange that a buncha guys are a lot like me...strange that I'm like a buncha guys...strange that my closest friends married guys who oddly enough, remind them of me!

One thing Sheryl always give me a hard time about is my taste in music. She's never heard of groups like Depeche Mode and Pet Shop Boys. The thought of listening to my jams makes her yawn and want to change into her jammies. But then she goes and marries Sujith...who talks about the same bands I talk about. We have the same taste in music...share the love of deep and meaningful conversations...and abhor Sheryl's ghetto supasta qualities.

Sonia's Mattie is very much like me too. If I explain why, he'll just get mad and say that I'm ruining his image. Let's just say it has nothing to do with fixing cars and everything to do with Martha Stewart.

Julie's Derrick is even like me in a very odd way. We have a lot of clothes that are identically the same. This is mainly because I wore guys tshirts for the majority of my life.

I guess Finu thinks Rog is like me because we both hate palappam...we're not huggers, we're more of a "punchya in the arm and say hello" type...and we both have been known to crack a funny a time or two.'s becoming a bit alarming as to how similar I am to the boys. Hmm...if I really think about it...It's the boys who brought me into this circle of friends...I only had 2 malu gal pals growing up...but then after going to school with the boys, I became one of them...and slowly but surely, the girls caught on that I wasn't so dorky after all. So, don't assume, I hang out with girly's more like under all this new-found favorite color pink...I'm a tomboy at heart.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Refocusing on the Vision...

I made a pact with the Billmeister that we'd start working on writing. I'm not going to say "writing our books" because at this point, if I hammer out a short story, I'll be quite satisfied. I have no idea what happened to my imagination or flow of creativity, but is no longer anywhere to be found. Hopefully regular "critique me" meetups with Billy will get me back in gear.

It took me 2 years to write my first book and a 1 year to publish. In the beginning, I never even dreamed of publishing. It was just something fun to do and let my friends read. Now, I feel all sorts of pressure to write another. It's been almost 2 years since the first one published and I haven't even made attempts to write another. Bleh.

Things need to change this year. I need to get back to the things that I love and stop stressing over the things that I can not change. I guess I'll just have to start getting tough with I did about the weight loss. No pain, no gain.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I haven't been blogging...I haven't really been flogging either. Actually, I haven't been doing much talking for that matter either. My good friend and neighbor, the Illustrious Finuji says I'm performing a "mouna vrath"...or fasting of silence. I caught the tail end of the new Bachelor in Paris last night. As much as I say I don't have the strength to watch it, I know I will find myself in front of the boob-tube every Monday night...addiction will slowly begin.

Last night's episode was purely comical, although a tad bit scary towards the end. It never ceases to amaze how rutheless and couthless a single, desperate, woman can be. One broad was rattling on endlessly about being ready for the "reproductive phase." Now who would go on national television and tell a strange guy that?! Someone who is hopefully getting paid a serious amouth cha-change to look ridiculous on national television!!

Although it seemed very unrealistic...I have to admit that in reality, I've dealt with a lot of women like this. Their hearts get trampled on by men time and time again and they start to get a little coocoo when dealing with the pressures and pitfalls of trying to find Mr. Right. Despair is a very ugly thing. And desperately seeking souls are often a scary sight to see. Case in point, the nutso oncologist on the first episode of the bachelor. I guess this scares me because I fear becoming desperately seeking Susan. Will I crack? Will meeting one more loser push me over the edge of the small cliff of sanity I currently stand on? Am I bound to be one of those women?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaah...the thought makes me shiver in my payless loafers!

Friday, January 06, 2006

Ahhh, thank God it's Friday!!! Why is it that this short week seemed longer than a long week? Maybe I'm just an in-great...but, I need more time off to make up for the sheer exhaustion of having time off. =/ I'm in unusually good spirits today. I attribute my giddyness to finding a wonderful group of people to pray with on a weekly basis. I never realized what a difference it makes, but it surely does. Things don't seem so bleek when you take it to the Lord in prayer.

Anyway, I guess since it's's time to bust out with the 06 version of Friday Shoutoutz!!!...(not that it's any different than the 05 version...but just play along!)

1. To my dog Mousse...the past month has been an adjustment for the both of us. I certainly wasn't used to caring for another living being for more than a few hours at a time. But she has taught me a lot about having responbility. I now plan my day around her...waking up early to make sure she gets out and gets fed, getting home to put her to sleep, staying at home more often to play with her and hug her and say "good girl" in my hick accent. I love her when she sleeps while I'm on the computer, and I can hear the lull of her snore...and when she meets me at the garage door right when I get home from work...and when she comes out of her kennel in the morning and jumps on me all the way to the back door, so I'll pet her. I love her most when she lets me hug her and scruff her ears.

2. To Glade Air Wisps...I have tried everything to make my house smell like apple pie. Everytime I go to Billy and Val's house I'm met with the scent sensation of warm apple pie. Val always tells me that it's candles, but candles never do the trick at my house. I've determined that this is because of the stench of masala and cardmom from my mother's cooking that lingers on every stick of cloth furniture and every piece of my clothing. So, I decided to invest in some Air Wisps. I LOVE them. I love them so much that I bought one for the room, the entry way, the kitchen, and my office at work. At 6$ a pop, I consider them a bargain, considering that's how much a candle costs and these are way more effective. It's potent, but not potent enough to combat the smell of spices in the kitchen, but they work fabulously everywhere else. I always get compliments at the office and proudly point to my Air Wisp.

3. To Belle/Jasmine Reese Ko#$@#$@#$+. I don't think she'll ever learn to spell her last name. =) Welcome to the circle of friends with pups. Mousse and I look forward to meeting you. If you promise not to be a "princess", Mousse promises not to pummel you (like she's looking forward to do to Coco Chanel)

4. To my BF...just cuz I'm missing her extra-specially much right now. Life would be 10 more times the fun if I could drive over to house to discuss social excursions and seek clothes and make up advice. She's a drill sergeant when it comes to me looking my best. "straighten your hair, put on lotion, take off that sweater!"...ahh, i miss you, Sergeant BF!

5. To Lerner New York for having a great sale!...i got 4 things for 50 bucks!

6. To Sherika Jenkins James, my Boo, and Sunu A for dragging me to the most anointed prayer group I've ever been to! I think I've not only found new friends for 06...but the spiritual guidance I've been looking for!

And that wraps it up, folks...have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I can't get the Boy George song outta my head!!!

I've been thinking about something..."chameleons"...not the reptile, but the human-version. I think everyone has been a chameleon at some point in their life. Teenagers find themselves acting like chameleons in high school in order to find a place to fit in. Even college-aged chameleons can be expected and understood. But, when does it stop?

If you haven't figured out what a chameleon is yet, let me explain. It is a person who changes in order to fit into their environment. I think it's important to be adaptable. If all your friends want to eat at an Italian restaurant and you are in the mood for Chines, you shouldn't expect 10 people to change their minds because of you....I mean, order a salad, nibble on bread, or get dessert. There's ways of being adaptable. But chameleons do more than adapt, they change and contort their lives in order to fit in with their friends.

Like I said, I can understand when young people do it. It's hard to find your place and be confident in who you are when you're younger. But if you don't have things figured out by 30, Houston...we've gotta problem. Every person has different sides to them, which make them interesting and unique...and you can't behave one certain way all the time...that'd be so boring! For instance, I am pretty straight-laced, but every once in a while...I have the urge to take a walk on the wild side. But, I don't ditch my straight-laced friends in search of new "wild side" friends to do so.

It's hard to figure out who you are and feel comfortable in your own skin...but I think it's important to at least TRY to get to that point instead of changing your identity every 15 minutes. =/