Friday, April 29, 2005

Happy Birthday Ethan...

Ethan's mommy told me some very cute stories about him the other I thought I'd share. Who doesn't love a cute baby story?? Last week his sister was born. Her name is Lauren, but he calls her "babysista." His daddy took him to the hospital to see his mama and the baby, and he was very apprehensive of the strange surroundings. He lingered in the doorway because he was scared to enter the room. Finally his Daddy said, "It's okay. You can come in." He very carefully crept into the room, looked around at all the strange equipment, and spotted his Mama in the bed, holding this new little creature. In his best Darth Vader voice he says, "Oooh, baa bee siss taa." How cute is this munchkin??

According to CCL, he's a very good big brother so far. He always asks, "How's babysista?" "Is babysista sick?" He's very concerned about her. He noticed that she's been "borrowing" some prized his blankie. So, he had to point that out to his Mom. "That's Bubba's blanket, " he explained calmly. "I know it is, Bubba. Can babysista borrow it?" Mama asked. "Yesh," he replied sweetly.

Awwwwwwwwww. I just want to squeeze him. I could tell you Etha stories all day, but I won't. I'll just end here by saying...HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY, ETHA!

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Bring your kids to work day...

It's bring your kids to work day here at the office of BC. 200 kids will be passing through to visit the big bad board room and give their suggestions on how to make AF a better place to work. As much as I think that kids are pesky for the most part, I must admit their ideas are ingenious! A free spa in the building that you could visit in order to unwind with out being penalized for? Who could ask for more?? Ahhh yes, if only these kids were in upper management.

Oh great...this kid is spazzing in front of my desk. He's gripping on to my desk for dear life and talking so loudly that my ear drums are rattling. Seriously oh my gosh...thank God he's not talking to me. Apparently, he fell out of a tree and now he can't go higher than a stump. (I don't think that's all that happened to him when he fell out of that tree) So being on the 7th floor is spazzin him out. So, he's too afraid to go in the board room where there are windows. Oh my gosh, this kid is like screaming about how he can't go higher than the 3rd floor because he has this fear he can't overcome. "7th floor is really like a challenge to me, and I don't want to be challenged...not today. not ever." I think this kid's mother needs a raise so she can get therapy for this child. Holy Cow...suddenly I remember why kids are annoying.

This day is going to be a challenging one to get through.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

National Slave Appreciation Day...

Flowers for National Slave Appreciation Week Posted by Hello

Lookie what I found on my desk after lunch. Quite beautiful, I must say. It's nice to know you're appreciated sometimes.

You can do it...put yo back into it...

Lately something has gotten into me. I'm on this "activity" kick. Those of you who know me, know that I'm the most sedentary person known to man. My idea of activity is walking from the couch to the fridge. I'm not adventerous either. I enjoy keeping both feet firmly planted on the ground. A few years ago, I went jet skiing with my cousins. They were fighting over who had to ride with me. Poor Mikey, he got stuck with me and I commanded him not to go over 5 miles/hr. Of course, he disobeyed.

However, as of late I've been in this adventerous mode. It started with the purchase of my new bike. I know that doesn't sound very out-of-the-norm to most people. But, for was monumentous. It meant that my feet weren't on the floor! I thought a leisurely bike would be perfect for me. But, now I'm kicking myself in the head for not getting a dirt bike. I heard the trails at Lake Hefner are perfect for extreme biking...and I have this urge to go check them out. But, Blue Thunder would never make it through!!

Secondly, I've been on this jogging kick. This coming from a girl who never even played tag in elementary because I didn't like to run. Let's just say that I'm sure there will be a lot of running in hell because that's how horrid it is. However, I'm determined to make this my new passion. At the moment, I can't walk very well, but I'm quite sure that eventually I'll get used to the pain. When I feel that I can't take one more step...I sing the Ice Cube song to myself.

To further prove my insanity, I have promised my friend and neighbor, the Illustrious Finuji that I would go to a spin class with her next week. If I don't make it out alive...Please know that I deeply cared for all of you.

I have no idea why I'm trying to kill myself like this. Maybe I'm trying to hold on to my youth. Funny that I'm only beginning to appreciate it now that it's almost over. =/

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Spring get to know me survey...

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:30 am

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Hitch...the white guy is so hot. u think i'm kidding? i'm so not.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Friends and any reality based TV show(s)

5. What did you have for breakfast? oatmeal with cinnamon

6. What is your middle name? Abraham...don't ask.

7. Favorite cuisine? Italian

8. What foods do you dislike? tomatoes

9. What is your favorite chip flavor? nacho cheese...doritioes, how I miss thee

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? cold play

11. What kind of car do you drive? 98 honda crv

12. Favorite sandwich? turkey with cheese/light mayo

13. What characteristic do you despise? Arrogance (me too, scorpsy)
14. Favorite item of clothing? my friggin black sweater that's been missing for 3 months. i know where u live sunu...and i WILL get it back

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Australia...I want to pet a koala.

16. What color is your bathroom? sea blue

17. Favorite brand of clothing? a great's called ATF (anything that fits)

18. Where would you retire to? san francisco

19. Favorite time of the day? 4:45...quittin time!

20. What was your most memorable birthday? 25th...I rocked the parties that year...I had 2 and felt vewy vewy special. And my was my last with my pops and he gave me a Bible. =)

21. Where were you born? Chicao, Illinois

22. Favorite sport to watch? baseball...when Jeter's playing

23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? I know better than send this to people

24. Person you expect to send it back first? If I actually sent it of the flobo's

25. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide..spring scent
26. Favorite magazine? People

27.Favoritebeverage? coke on the rocks

29. Do you have any pets? no, but if i did...she'd be a blonde lab named Brooklyn

30. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family or friends? I went jogging for the first time in my life.

31. What did you want to be when you were little? a pediatrician. HA!

Monday, April 25, 2005

Letting go...

Since my dad died 18 years ago, I haven't had blind faith about anything in my life. That was the first and last time I excercised my faith muscle about anything. My mother told me to cry out to God and prayer because He'd never turn a deaf ear on a child's tears. I believed that whole heartedly, but my prayers weren't answered. As I grew up, I tried my best to get over the whole ordeal and move on by building my faith. But, try as I might, it just wasn't a hurdle I could jump.

Actually it took a toll on the faith of my whole family. We all became pessimistic and skepticism of the power of God ran through our blood. We continued to go to church and pray and live our lives as we should, but our prayers lacked the faith they so desperately needed. I've fearfully clung on to the "map of my life" for so long that my knuckles are white. But there comes a time you've just got to let go and let God. I've tried to figure out the route and direction of my life, but it makes no sense to me...because i'm not the mapmaker.

I've finally handed the map over to the maker. I let go and let God. and whether things work out soon...or whether I'm still going to have wait for things to make sense in my life...I'm just going to have faith. I have been blessed despite my much more will He bless me now. =)

Friday, April 22, 2005

HELP! I've been bit by the BlueBug...

I'm feeling very blue today. And I have a few reasons why. For the past 2 months, we've had construction going on at the office of BC. At first, it was tres annoying listening to all the drilling and hammering and the babble of the construction workers. Until..I started getting somewhat attached to them. Mainly, the electricians. I mean, not only are these two guys super CUTE, they are sooooooooo nice. So, over the past few weeks we've bonded. And today, they walked into the office of BC for the last time to install the last light bulb. Before they left, one guy stops at my desk and says..."see you around out there." I never expected to feel sad...but I do. I told them that I'd try to break a light fixture, so they could come back. =/

Secondly, my BF's going to India today...for one whole long month. After she returns, she'll be home for a week (which will be wedding infested) and then head off to her new home in Florida. I thought I was prepared, but I guess I'm not because the blue bug hit me last night. I guess I need to make new friends or hang out more with the friends I currently have but don't regularly bond with. I see the next month being a very lonely one. =/

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Above and Beyond Dreams or Imagination...

What a happy day for us floblo's to see our fellow flobo and friend has been officially proposed to. I like to ask married people how they knew their spouse was "the" one. In a world full of crazies...I'd like to know what I should look out for in regards to that "determining factor."

My BF #2, Dains once told me his determining factor, and I have used that as a standard in every aspect of my life. He told me that my BF #1, Sonia was above and beyond what he had ever imagined or dreamed for his life...and that's how he knew she was God's will for his life. You see, that's what God does...He sees our hopes and dreams...and He probably chuckles to Himself as He says, "I can give you so much more."

So, when Scorpsy used that same phrase "better than what I imagined or dreamed," I knew that she too had found the one God had chosen for her. That kind of love, commitment, and happiness encourages the rest of us. As a single sista...I have hope in God that one day, I can join my friends and say the same phrase...

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

But, I didn't even know how to drive in 1989!!!!

I hate dealing with cars. I wish I was one of those girls who weren't intimidated by car issues, but I am. I'm so intimidated that I pretend like nothing's wrong and drive around with my issues. I know, I know, that's just plain stupid. So now, I'm driving around with a cracked side view mirror, a cracked front window, dented hood, expired tag, and overdue oil change.

Trust me, I realize the severity. I get lectures from B all the time. Today, I plan to deal with car issues before a cop tows my car away....or it just stops in the middle of the highway. I also feel pretty damn ridiculous driving around in a hooptie...when my CRV is far from a hooptie. =/

I've been dreading today like the bubonic plague. I rather eat hot tar than go to a tag agency or the shop. Seriously, I had a nightmare about it last night...that they told me my car was so messed up it was irrepairable...and that I'd have to start shopping for a new one. I think I hate car stuff so much because it's never a simple task. When I go in for an oil change I always get bad news. "Ms. Varghese, you're vuluptoraptosphinxometer coil is broken, which causes the engine to overheat and form a combustulating fume that will cause your car to explode." LOVELY! much? "Just a mere 15,000.72." Aaaaah, I dread it. Then the tag agency will tell me "Ms. Varghese, it loos like back in 1989 you ran through a toll and the Pike Pass Agency will not allows us to renew your tag until you pay them the 10,000$ you owe them. Then since you owe them, we tack on a pike pass fee just to make sure you're punished for that run through in 1989, so your fee went from 86$ to 1086$." Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

It's times like this when I wish my pops were I could rely on his male expertise. Bleh. But, I guess I'm a big girl now...and it's all on me. Wish me luck!!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

A plea to my single sistas...

I'm not a feminist by any means. I tend to get a little sappy and sensitive at times. Everyone has their soft spots. But, one thing I don't believe in doing is wearing my heart on my sleeve. At 18, you don't know where alse to put it. At 25, you start to learn through your past heartaches. And by 30, you better have damn well mastered the art of guarding your heart.

It's mind boggling to me how women my age get all twisted over smooth talking, commitment-phobs. Five years ago, I'd have been right with them....all caught up in the dillusional thought of "I can change him." But these days, I know that if a guy is still an immature jackass at 25, he's going to be one at 55....and that ain't changin. There's more to life than a cute face, nice ass, and smooth lines. Sure, it feels great at the moment to get wined and feel like your the object of someone's affection...but when do you stop thinking about what feels good for the moment and think about your needs/desires for the future? What's more important?

Here's what I tell my galpals time and time again. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME. Time is truly of the essence. And face it, if you're over 26 and an SIF (*single Indian female*), you've got no time to lose. So why why why get caught up in the game when you know he's a player? Grant it, I'm not the queen of advice...cuz God knows my wisdom and tactics have not landed me a man. But, I can honestly say, I've learned from my past. One heart break was enough. My heart is a fortress...and you have to be pretty damn special to unlock this door.

Monday, April 18, 2005

The power of prayer...

I had a rather introspective weekend. Lately, those are very prevelant. I decided to put things into perspective on Sunday. Church is a great place to gain perspective. As I sat there, waiting for some sort of divine providence, I continued reading the book of Mathew. I noticed several verses that I highlighted throughout the past weeks. They were jumping out at me like neon signs. I believe that at the time, I hilighted them thinking it was a reoccurring theme. In literature, they teach you to look out for reoccurring words, phrases, symbols, and themes because they are clues/signs that will help you understand/de-code the work.

The verses were regarding faith. In particular, about how God honors faith. Grant it, this is not ground-breaking, earth-shattering news. This is something that every Christian knows. But, to me it triggered an ugly thought that brought me to an epiphany, of sorts.

Saturday, I was driving down the road with a few people in my car. We were stopped at a stop light, where a woman was standing with a sign. She was homeless and needed food and/or money. Unfortunately, I wasn't of any use to her since I rarely tote around anything except a check card. So, I said, "Sorry, Lady...I can't help you with money, but I'll pray for you." (not that she could hear me) After which, I said a really quick prayer. A few moments later, the passenger in my car said, "not like your prayer is gonna help her any."

I was shocked and flabbergasted. Maybe I didn't hear the comment correctly. So, I asked for clarification. The passenger repeated the same comment and proceeded to tell me that prayers were like "wishing upon a star." I couldn't believe my ear! Then the passenger continued on by saying things like healings were merely the luck of the draw.

I was horrified by the comments and immediately began thinking of ways that I could help this person. Later that night, I decided that I'd invite the person to Wednesday night church with me and perhaps this would straighten out their train of thought.

But, Sunday as I thought about the hilighted verses in Mathew, I started to think that the person's comments were pretty much the same as my thoughts and actions. I have certain issues in my life that I've ceased praying about. In my mind, I've just given up. It seems to impossible. I realized that maybe I didn't come right out and say it, but I thought what the person said. And just 24 hours ago, I was totally judging them. At the time, when it was said...I thought in my mind that this person was an atheist. But...if someone were to inspect my thoughts and actions, I'd be an atheist too.

I realized at that moment that I do believe in the power of prayer. I do believe that faith moves mountains from your life. So, to stop praying about something is the dumbest thing I could possibly do. I need to flex my faith muscle, stop worrying about everyone else, and focus on what God can and will do in my life. I am inviting that person to church on Wednesdays, but not just so they can re-focus...but so I can too.

Friday, April 15, 2005

The Fruitless Search for Prince Charming...

The search for Prince Charming continues. I've taken myself out of the search for the past several months...pretty much a year. I found the whole process to be too taxing. Rejection isn't the best feeling in the world. But it wasn't just rejection, it was the fact that with every creep I met, I felt like the chances of finding a good guy was less and less possible.

Now that I'm back in the search, I wonder why I'm searching at all because nothing has changed. The game is still played the same way. Meet person, talk, send pic and either get denied or accepted, then talk again and realize he's a jackass. They can be seemingly perfect, and then bam! weird comment that lingers in your mind leads to the next weird comment that becomes substantial evidence of creepiness and then finally the last weird comment, which serves as the third strike. He's out! *sigh*

Seriously, I've forgotten what it feels like to connect with talk to someone and enjoy the conversation...Bleh.

Is lonliness so bad? Let's look at the good aspects of drama, you can do waht you want all the time....ok that's it. Let's look at the bad have no one to come home to, you have no one to lean on, you have no one to share things with...ok it has already outnumbered the I guess that answers my question.

Arghhhhhhhh, the search continues...

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

The baby rush...

Throughout the past five years, the vast majority of people I know have gotten married. It seems like this five year period can be classified as the marriage rush. Now, the baby rush is beginning. Every time I turn around I hear someone's pregnant or just had their baby. My cousin Lisa is due any day now...and Cousin Sue will be following in a month or two. It's been very cute to see those two toothpicks pudgy and pregnant at the same time. Y'day my first boss at AF announced that she too is having a baby. She's single and in her 40's, but her bundle of joy is coming to her via an adoption. She couldn't be happier. And then...I hear about Britney Spears!!!

At 30, you'd think my proverbial "clock" would be ticking. I think I've pulled out the batteries. When I'm with my friend Sherry and her two babies, I'm in awe of her patience. She never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and now she's thriving in that role. I tell her that I seriously don't think I'm cut out for motherhood. Screaming kids would put me over the edge of insanity. I think being single for so long has made me self-centered. It's a bit scarey. When I graduated highschool at 17, I had my whole life planned out. I thought I'd be married by 25, start having kids, and then I'd stay home with my four kids and be a happy housewife. Now, I can't think of having more than one. Back then, I never thought about writing. I never knew what I really wanted to do.

Now, I look at life, and it is so utterly different than what I so naively expected it to be. It's really easy to ponder on the dreams of my past and feel sad about the things that weren't meant to be. But, I accept that sometimes what we want for our own lives don't align with what God wants for our lives. No matter how much I am tempted, I can't question Him on why I ended up differently than those who are closest to me. I just have to take the good with the bad...the happy with the sad...and trust taht God will reveal all His plans in His perfect time...and then, it will all make sense.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

He's Ba-ack!

Uhhhh yeah thats nice, but yeah thats the reason i was yawning, ..... your
blogs are making me sleepy ...HAAAAAAAAAA.... Where's the drama filled
drama??? Spice up the blog with news of the i'll be damned or, some
observations of things you find interesting.... pics of some guy named
santhosh that i dont know dont thrill me..... he seems nice though and i'd
like to wish him a happy b-day too.

The dark prince is back...and even darker now that he got back from his cruise to Mexico. Obviously, I have sorely dissapointed him with my latest flogs and blogs. So indeed...I tried to spice things up for him.

My response to his above email: Listen Billy, I'm not writing blogs/flogs to impress you or anyone else. If they bore you, stop reading it. I'm so tired of everyone's bad attitudes. I don't need crap from you too! When you grow the hell up, email me. (I knew this would evoke a response)

Dark Prince: OMigod Soooo, i'm totally messing with you, ...yikes someone is in a mood today!!!!!! DANGG!!!!! you just totally tore my head off, while this hasnt
happened in a while, i feel mildly refreshed by your verbal tongue lashing.

Seriously dude, i was kidding, i know you dont cater to me, duh... chill
its me ... its billy.... .remember???

Does that make for some interesting reading?? BUAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Ode to the Shady...

I suck arss when it comes to writing poetry. But, this came to me when last night, when I was considering the shady. I thought I'd share...

Ode to the Shady

Colorful masks melt away… revealing dark expressions
Adding more pain to my cold, bleak world.

Loneliness is the darkness that surrounds me
Yet, saves me from bitter tongues.

Aching to find a pillar of strength.
Falling while resting upon weakened sustenance.

Yearning for things that I can not have
Searching for reasons why.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Stupidity strikes again...

When I was a kid, I fell off of my bike and into an ant bed, ran smack into a wall while running away from my sister (I have the scar till this day), and I sprayed deoderant in my hair instead of hairspray one morning when I was hurrying to get ready for the bus stop. But that's ok, because kids do dumb things. It's acceptable.

As I got older, the stupidity continued. I've worn skirts to work inside out, worn two different color/style shoes to school, worn two different HEELED shoes to work, slipped in ice and sprained my ankle, tripped on steps and fell into a door, ran into my bosses door because I was flabbergasted by his cuteness, choked on my spit whilts talking to my cute boss, got lost on my way to Dallas (although I used to live there and have been there a million times), got lost in my neighborhood...the list is endless.

Yesterday, stupidity struck again! i was riding my bike through the hood, and I stopped at the Illustrious Finuji's to see how her begonia's that we bought last weekend were growing. Fins always gets on to me about the clothes I wear while riding bikes. I guess I don't look sporty enough for her. So yesterday, I wore knit comfy pants and a tee. The pants were way long even after pulling it up to my boobs. But what's new? I'm a midget, so everything's always long. I stopped and admired her begonia's since she wasn't home and then got back on my bike. I didn't get too far because my long pants somehow had got twisted around the pedal of my bike and for the life of me, I couldn't pedal anymore. I stopped at a curb and tried to untwist myself, but it wasn't working and my foot was sorta just hanging of this pedal like a growth. With one leg I walked/hopped the bike back to finu's house (not that she was there to help me), but perhaps I could set myself free without the entire neighborhood seeing the spectacle that was occurring. Once in her driveway, i noticed the pant leg had somehow knotted around the pedal. I began to fear that I would have to ride the bike home pantless in order to be free from this mess. It was nearly impossible for me to bend, balance the bike and untie all at the same time.

However, I did escape from the horriffic mess, folded my pants to my knees and rode home.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

My Inability to Say No...

How can a one syllable, two letter word be so difficult to say? How does such a little word have such big meaning attached? For me, saying "no" is a difficult task. It shouldn't be. God knows that if we repeat what we hear, I'd be saying no all the time. There's no end to how many times I've heard no....From when I was a wee lad (can I buy some candy?-NO) a teenager (can I go borrow the car?-NO) adulthood (will you marry me?-HELL NO) But, I've never been one to learn by example.

To me, no means rejection. I can't reject people! So, I say YES....all the time....even when I shouldn't. (Can you help me(which means write) with a paper?-YES) (Can you wash my car?-YES) (Can you type a 165 page paper?-YES) The last question would be my latest dilemma. I rue the day I ever said yes to this one. I've been up till 2 every night to finish this damn thing. I don't even take a lunch at work. Instead, I sit at my desk and type.

But, it's like the never ending paper! It was written by an uncle at my church, so on top of the grueling typing, I have to edit. My fingers throb from the sheer agony of touching the keyboard. I hate the sight of computers. I can't wait till the day that I'm free from this cancer that has been plaguing my life for the past 2 months. I can't wait to come home from work, watch reality TV, ride my bike while the Oklahoma wind whips through my hair, finish reading Roots (Where the hell IS that book?!?!), or even finally finish the scrapbooks for mexico that's taken me a year to make!

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

From the Mouth of a Jackass part Deuce

I typically refrain from calling someone a jackass at all cost. (unless it's Billy...then it just flows from my lips) However, yesterday...I was pretty certain about the guy I labeled as such. I guess I should have posted more of his correspondence, so you would be as convinced as I was. But alas...I angrily deleted the nonsense. But, I'll improvise:

Him: I'm sorry, I offended you. As christians, we shouldn't offend each other, but treat others well and forgive each other. Again, I didn't mean to offend you.

Me: I didn't thought process's so funny how people screw up royally and then throw Christianity in to it afterwards. Were you thinking about it during when you said things like Indian-American authors are "milking the market"...Geez! But keep in mind, I didn't respond.

Him: By the way, it's not culture for a single girl to live with her mom. Maybe you should learn more about Indian culture.

Me: In my mind I was like...whoa...didn't he just apologize? He just said he knows he offended me. So, why is he throwing in one more jab?!? So..I just had to respond. I told him that I know what indian culture is and that maybe he should pick up my book for more information. in the book, the character doesn't understand Indian culture because her parents don't talk about art, literature, dance, music...all they talk about are the customs. So in her mind, custom and culture are one in the same. Only later does she understand what being an Indian is all about...and how to appreciate the culture. So then, I kindly told the guy not to write me again because I felt like he was an argumentative person...since he didn't try to understand my viewpoint (which was why he was bringing up the subject)...instead he attacked every single statement I made.

Him: he wrote me back anyways...saying I was too sensitive.

Me: rolled my eyes...spoken like a true Jackass!

Thank God for Miracles...

For weeks now, my heart has been really heavy about something...someone, actually. It's one of those situations when there's someone close to your heart and they disappear with out any rhyme or reason...but this time there was a reason, just not a valid one. It's happened to me on more than one occasion. It feels like someone knocked you in the gut...and stole your breath...because that's just how un-expected it opposite of their character it was. But then you wonder...what is their character? Did I ever know them at all?

I thought about the situation daily...I don't think I voiced the severity of my remorse to anyone. Talking about it meant admitting that it actually happened. That once again, Sue let down her guard...the guard she worked hard to build up. The guard that was supposed to recognize any sign of shadyness by man or wo-man and blow it away to smitherines. The guard that's let me down time and time again.

At chuch, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I prayed that God would just remove the burden from my heart. I just want that "oh well" attitude, so I won't let things affect me so deeply. But, I just couldn't shake it. Then my pastor spoke of the story of Abraham. Mainly, how he had a child with his servant and then sent them both to the street. For years, she was a faithful servant. How much more of herself could she give? She gave him a son. But despite her loyalty, despite his son's love for him, he sent them both away....with out so much as a donkey. He didn't care if they lived or that moment, he just wanted them away.

"This," my pastor said,"is how cruel humans are." I looked up. His message was for me. He explained that it's often the people you trust the most...even your own family that hurt you the most...because you love them the most. Boy, was I familiar with that case scenario. I felt peace for some reason...and now I know why. Today a miracle happened.

This is the second time a miracle in this fashion has occurred in my life. It's one of those prodigal son moments...but it's not a's a friend. The prodigal friend has returned...I now have the opportunity to forgive and forget...or hold my anger till the end. I'm not one to let a person repeatedly screw me over...but this person wasn't like that. I don't feel like I have to use caution in this decision. The dissapearance was caused by outside factors...nothing to do with me...or with my friend.

It's amazing to me to see how God speaks to people...the key here is whether people choose to listen.

Monday, April 04, 2005

From the Mouth of a Jackass...

I had a long chat with my flogfriends the other day, who suggested that perhaps I need to "put myself out there" when it comes to finding a man. After much consideration, I realize I whine a lot more about not being married...and I do a lot less to rectify the situation. Sure, my bro has me on every website known to man...but I hardly ever respond to anyone who writes to me. And, I'm not exactly hitting the single's scene to meet anyone either.

So, I decided to change my ways. Ok, so I've met a few rotton-to-the-core apples..but that doesn't mean the whole crop is bad, right?? Last night, I decided to respond to one of the guys who emailed me. He is looking for a "creative person"...i figure, i fit that bill.

So, I wrote him...Below would be his response:
Its nice to hear from you. And thanks for telling me a bit about yourself. After you told me you are published writer, I did a google search on your name and visited your website. Kinda breezed thru the website since I'm at work now and on my lunch break. I liked your poems they are nice. I haven't had a chance to look at the short stories. I also read the synopsis of your novel. I'd like to talk to you more about that. I guess I've always been a bit puzzled about why Indians who grow up in the US (especially women) find themselves to be so torn in 2 different directions, etc...I wonder if a lot of this is not really self-inflicted and sort of blowing things out of proportion? I dunno...I don't want to judge too harshly. But it just seems to me that a lot of people in this world have it so much worse. They have to deal with hunger, disease, death, poverty, the kind of problems that we in America can't even fathom. Go to India and you will see little 2 and 3 year olds naked and begging on the streets. Growing up in America is pretty nice in comparison. Yes, we all have difficult parents and sometimes they're expectations are not in line with how we want to live our lives. And its hard to deal with that now and then. But it seems like there is an entire movement devoted to books and movies about how hard it is to be Indian growing up in the west. Is it really THAT bad? :) Again, I'm trying to understand and not judge. It would be nice to talk to you about it since you've written a book on this and perhaps you can me look at this from a different prospective.

Excuse me?? What kind of argumentative response is this?!? I've already realized he's a jack ass, but I thought I'd educate him a bit...

As for growing up Indian in America....yes, there are worse things in the world. Hunger and poverty definitely take precedence over my struggles. But never once did I try to compare the two problems. That would be like comparing apples to oranges. Everyone has problems in this world...just because mine aren't as sever as being homeless and doesn't mean that it's not a problem...or that I and others should not voice our opinions on the matter. Being happy in life means more than having all the food you can eat and enough money to keep you alive. It's hard to enjoy the great things America has to offer while listening to your parents harp endlessly about things like marriage and meeting the "indian standard."

His dumb response:

I think that growing up in America for Indians is not any different from the experience of Europeans who came here before us as immigrants. They too had to deal with these same issues of growing up in a country/culture different from the one their parents came from. But there were not numerous books and movies devoted to how hard it was to be a first generation Italian American or Irish American as much as you see with the Indian-American experience. hats because in lot of those cases, people had to work on railroads and minefields to support their families. In same cases teenage boys and girls were out working to put food on the table to support their families. Indian kids who grow up here have access to the best education systems in the world..most of them grow up to be doctors, lawyers, engineers, writers, etc...It can't all be that bad. If your mom is driving you crazy about getting married then move away from on your own. Do you own thing, find yourself, find what works for you, and be happy. I'm not trying to trivialize the problem. But I also don't think its worthy of the attention it has garnered. There is obviously a market that is being milked for commerical reasons.

Can you guys believe this?!?! Ugh, I want to hide back in my no-meeting-men shell!

Don't it always seem to go...that you don't know what you've got till it's gone...

My email inbox is empty today, and it will probably remain that way all week. Sir Billiam is out on vacation this week, and he is typically my source of amusement throughout the day. But alas, he's enjoying the waves and sun...somewhere in the middle of an ocean on a cruise with his lovely wife. (lucky devils) Meanwhile, I struggle to keep myself awake and stay busy, so this Bleh Monday won't drag.

On a typical day, I'm greeted with a morning email from Billy. Typically 10 lines of sheer nonsense that makes me roll my eyes. He's weird, annoying, nonsensical, annoying...did i mention annoying? However, today...I realize that Sir Billiam isn't so bad afterall. And, I guess I kinda miss the nuisance a bit. =/

It made me think that sometimes you just don't know what you have/appreciate till it's gone. Sometimes when you don't talk to someone for a while you realize how much fun they were to be around...and just how much you value them. Sometimes you realize the see how bad someone is for they bring you down or slow you down.

But, I guess as annoying B can be, he's a keeper. =/