I have found a wonderful, tasty treat that is very low in fat and calories. It is the Weight Watchers fudgesicles. There's nothing better than coming home after driving through 5 o'clock traffic in the sweltering heat to plop on the couch with one of these icy, cool fudgesicles. For a moment, it is pure bliss. I mean, I would like to drop by the drive through of Braum's Ice Cream on my way home, order a scoop of german chocolate icecream on a waffle cone, but...I resist. So, this WW fudgesicle is the next best thing. The last thing I expect to hear while I'm trying to enjoy the blissful moment is an earful of grief! But, no...my mother does not ever spare me from that. It doesn't quite matter that I've had a harrowing day at work. I don't think the woman would care if I was the President and just spent the afternoon sitting with the Heads of State determing whether I should declare war....she would still give me grief from the moment I stepped my 2-inch heel inside the house.
Her: Don't eat those all the time. They're not good.
Me: why not? They're low in fat.
Her: How do you know?
Me: Hmm...the nutritional labels.
Her: How do you know if they're telling the truth??
Me: They have to.
Her: Why do they have to? You don't know that.
Me: Irritation level now rising...and I begin to sing the Puff Daddy song to myself before I answer her. Because they HAVE to...I'm sure there's some law which makes it illegal to not have accurate labels.
Her: Well, you shouldn't eat that all the time or the cheese sticks.
Me: The cheese sticks are fat free...and I'm eating them as a form of calcium.
Her: Cheese is not good
Me: I thought the fudge bars were not good.
Her: Neither of them are good.
This discussion leads to a 15 minute argument in which I have to notify her for the 150,000th time that she is NOT a registered nutritionist. To which she responds, that I can eat whatever I want, she won't say anything ever again. This is so untrue because the next day...it merely starts all over again. Then she goes into her schpeel saying I get mad easily....that poor, innocent her can't say ANYTHING...without me getting defensive. Sorry, I just can't take it when an insulin dependent diabetic who eats anything sweet within the radius of 10 feet is telling me not to eat fat free cheesesticks and lowfat icecream bars! Then she gets all supser sensitive and says if she doesn't tell me these things...who will tell me? To which I reply I'm THIRTY. I don't need to be told about what to eat. THAT shoulda been done when I was ten and hoarding dingdongs! Where was all this knowledge then?? Furthermore...I have good vision with my glasses...so when I look in the mirror, I can see what eating the wrong thing can do...Thank you kindly. She then shakes her head with this sad expression...that "She'll never learn" expression...Then she mutters something about how hard she tries to "help" me... *Sigh* At that moment, sighing is about all I can do...followed by a rolling of the eyes...and my favorite chinese word "Shuyomow" I love that to this day...she has not figured out that this word means shut your mouth...she thinks it's the "ong" language...which is my family's version of pig latin...all of us cousins speak it fluently in order to talk code in front of our parents. I stray from my topic...so anways...I was just wondering...do moms get paid to be annoying? Or do they just spend all that time and energy to annoy for free??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
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3 comments:
"If I don't tell you, who will??" That should go in the Mom Hall of Fame!!! Trust me Suevee, you are not alone in the frustration game.
My mother suffers from selective memory, in which she contradicts herself during conversations with me, and then vehemently denies it.
This sort of lunacy has led me to threaten to carry a tape recorder with me at all times and when she selectively forgets what she told me, I will pull out the tape and rewind till she concedes, but even cold hard evidence won't get my mother to admit she was wrong.
She'll say i have nothing better to do than frame my own poor mother. Her eyes will fill with tears and her voice will get all shaky and then I will have that famous guilt trip that causes me to sigh, grit my teeth and mutter that I am indeed the worst daughter on earth.
It's a never-ending battle!
oh man, i thought my mom was the only one who did said those infamous words!
i'm a horrible daughter. when i lived at home or near to home, i wouldn't get irritated so easily for some reason, but when i go home now and i'm around my mom for more than an hour a day, she drives me INSANE! i normally end up laughing instead of saying anything b/c i KNOW the minute i say, mom, please...she'll start shrieking like a banshee about how no one appreciates her and she might as well go away b/c no will ever care or notice.
good lord, i'd notice the silence!! ok that's mean but she says it ALL the time so i have to roll my eyes inconspicuously and ignore her.
btw, does anyone else's mom read aloud every friggin sign on the highway? not for any informative purpose, just for the sake of reading them. like, "sugarhouse day spa, route 46, reduce speed, construction ahead, no left turn..." GAH it drives me insane.
side note, those ww sicles are YUM! you know what else is really good but not as low in calories? those all fruit bars. they make them as bars but i'm enjoying one of the 'sicles right now for breakfast (yes i'm craving one that badly) and it is YUMMY.
all moms get the same handbook, which im sure after keeping your family safe and healthy comes if they are ok, mess with their mentality to truly rule your home. my dad might have thought he was in control, but now i see my moms whispers in his ears which direct his focus every time. my mom continually drives me nuts, but i guess that is part of her charm.... prolly your moms too:)
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