Update...

Well I got transferred back to MD Anderson tonight. After a full cardiac work up its been determined that I have a pretty strong heart. However, the anesthesia cocktail they gave me was a bit too much for me to handle because I'm pretty malnourished.

I have been trying so hard to eat and drink supplements but it just doesn't seem to be good enough. My blood pressure is still pretty low and I'm at risk for this whole "heart stopping" thing to happen again.

So tomorrow my physician will talk about dreaded option B....the NG tube. For you non medical professionals like me...the NG tube is a tube that goes up your nose, down your throat, and into the stomach. I watched them insert my dads tube and the memory is etched in my brain for life. It's the one time I saw him cry...actually scream in pain. As soon as I was diagnosed with cancer I turned to my aunt and told her please don't let them put an NG tube in me while I'm awake.

And now...short of a miracle...that's exactly what's going to happen tomorrow. I'm scared....and even more sad. I spent some time talking to God about it just now. I have no control of what's happening to me anymore and all I can do is plead with Him to give me enough strength to make it through the rest of this process. Each day gets harder and more unpredictable...the old Sue would've had a nervous breakdown by now. But every day I see people...family...friends...total strangers...that tell me they are praying for me...and I know that's the only reason I've held it together so far. 

Tomorrow will come..and I will have to face all the unwanted,unexpected challenges it brings along with it. Please pray that I will be brave and strong and get through it so I can move forward with surgery....and recovery...and eventually have my life back.