Last night, a few of us girls got together for dinner. While there, the host suggested some "relationship building" activities. She had us each write our names on a piece of paper and pass them around to each person, who would in turn right something nice about each of us. It was an interesting activity. I tried my best to write something different on each person. For instance, "Blessed"...it's obvious that she's a great singer, so I avoided writing that. Instead, I wanted to pick the unobvious...something that would surprise her when she read it. I wanted her and the others to think "Hmm...i didn't know Sue thought/felt that way about me." I was pleased to get my paper back. Most of the girls wrote the same thing on mine in various ways. "I'm funny and they like how I write." I pretty much expected to see those comments because that's how I'm usually described. "Sue's so funny." or "oh...Sue, the writer?" Not that I mind either...

But one comment kinda surprised me. It was from the newest member of the group. She said, "you're different...in a good way, of course." I hear this a lot from my friends who have known me for a long time. I never really fully understood why I get that comment a lot, and I guess in all honesty, I've never questioned why. But, when someone who hasn't been around me that long said it, I started to wonder what made me different.

It's really odd...this whole getting older thing...and for the 2nd time this week, I'm realizing that. In high school and college it was my goal to be different than other Malu kids. So hearing people tell me I'm different would have made me very happy back then. But lately, I just find myself wanting to be like everyone else around me. I don't want to be categorized as different...and I found myself on a quest today of trying to discover what sets me apart.

I'm not sure if I discovered the answer. Most of my friends don't like to elaborate on their opinions....they just say, "I don't know. You're just different." One told me that "I march to the beat of my own drum rather than that of those who try to beat it." I guess what they're trying to say is that it's not a bad thing. I never thought that it was.

I guess after 31 years of being a non-conformist, I kinda want to conform. I dont want to be an odd duck anymore. I know it's wrong to want to be like other people...I know it's weird to have an identity crisis at 31...Maybe I've lost more than a few pounds this year...maybe I've lost my mind too. I'm the girl who preached about not living "cookie cutter" lives...and now I'm trying to squeeze myself into the cookie cutter. Maybe I just need therapry...or maybe just a nap.