Cast Your Votes Now...

k...tomorrow's the big haircut day. i have so many split ends, I have no choice but to cut it!! this is as long as it gets. i found some haircuts that appeal to me...i picked meg ryan cuz she has naturally curly hair...and i already have a favorite...so let's see if you guys agree. don't get scared by the real short cut...i'll do the longer version...so cast your vote...1, 2, or 3!!

oh happy day.............yes, things are as it should be today. the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and sarah is with travis!!! i was sooooooooooo excited last night. yes, me of little faith seriously doubted that travis would do the right thing. but i'm so glad he proved me wrong. what a romantic story they'll be able to tell their grandchildren some day. "fate brought us together on a tv show in paris, france!!!" trav has restored my faith in mankind. i guess the right guy will recognize that being best friends with a girl is a good lead-up to her being that special one!! Thank you, Trav!

so, now what do i do on mondays? i almost gave up reality tv for lent...but uhh...american idol is on...and i'm not catholic...so why suffer? altho my tv watching is getting way out of hand these days. i've pledged that i'd read a book a week...looking back, that was a dumb vow to make. it usually takes me a few months to read a book. damn school for turning me off of reading. anyway, the new show about miracles looks interesting...

I stayed up late last night...well, late to me (11:30)...playing Literati. This is my new nightly routine. Thanks to John, I'm completely addicted to this game now. I guess it's safer than being a fotolog addict these days. Drama seems to ensue there. I, for one, plan to stay clear of it...despite the fact that my name keeps popping up.

Anyway, today's a great day because it's...FRIDAY! But yesterday was a great day too...for many reasons:

*I got my tax refund!!
*A very good friend brought over the most adorable card I've ever seen that contained the best news EVER!!!
*Suetee got a new job!!
*Drew Lachey kicked Arss on Dancing with the Stars
*I discoverd that chocolate chip Eggo Waffles are low cal AND cure my chocolate cravings!
*Staicy said she'd let me make bracelets for her wedding!
*John wrote me the loveliest poem ever, which was awesome cuz no one's ever written me a poem before.
*The heater was officially fixed!

So, hopefully the weekend will be just as good. The weather is become very spring-ish, so I should be getting back to running religiously....I can feel my blues being washed away by good news, good things, and good weather!

Hi there...

I realized that the strangest things annoy me...for instance, the lovely, sweet lady who sits next to me at the office. She does this thing...this really annoying thing...every day her husband calls and they go through this annoying schpeel. I know the schpeel because if I answer the call for some reason he goes through the schpeel with me.

The schpeel:
Her: Hi there
Him: Hello there
Her: HI there.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. It's the last "hi there" that drives me loco. I mean seriously that Hi there Hello there could go on forever if someone doesn't put an end to it. I wish she would emulate my phone conversations:

Me: Hello
Sunu: Hey
Me: What's up?

Do you see how that opens up the door for further communication instead of a repeptive cycle of hi there/hello there. What's worse is...when her husband does it to me.

Me: Hello
Him: Hi there
Me: akward silence

I'm sorry I REFUSE to say hello there again. Clearly, I said hello when I picked up the phone initially. So what kind of effect does this conversation have on me? Well, I used to really like this guy...the husband...but now, if he calls and I answer, I'm immediately rolling my eyes. Like grrrrrrrrrrrrr...I don't want to talk to this guy today and go through the schpeel!

I realize that my fuse gets shorter by the hour...and I really need a vacation or a very strong dosage of a chill pill before I go postal and unleash my frustrations out on innocent, FRIENDLY, unsuspecting victims...pray for me.

My mom's sick. This isn't an enjoyable time for me. This is when the 60 year old acts worse than a 6 year old. She expects to be catered to and babied. Houston, we have a problem. I don't remember ever being babied when I was sick as a kid. Therefore, I don't know how to baby sick people. Thus, the reason I'm not a nurse. I vividly remember driving home from work when I was in college and stopping twice to barf. This was really bad considering I lived approximately 5 minutes away from work. After I got home, BF came to visit me in my sick condition and had to get me Sprite...because the maternal unit was too busy in the kitchen to cater to my sickly needs.

But when she gets sick...it's a different story...She gets extra annoying . She cries about everything. Wahhhh...Mousse jumped on me. Wahhh...the trash is full. Wahh...my daughter didn't call to check on me. Seriously, Lord...Please heal her because I can't take much more of this. Her sickness plus the impending heat problem is about to push me over the edge

Every day after work, I take the long route home. I know, I'm mean...a terrible daughter. blah, blah, blah. But, I just abhor whininess...and my mom has PhD in it.

"Women Tell Off"

I smell defeat for Sarah Tennessee. Is it just me or do the rest of you get that feeling? I am beginning to deal with the disappointment, so I won't be completely crushed come next Monday. Of course, I do have a slight glimmer of hope...but it's minuscule.

After watching the "Women Tell All" night of the bachelor, I have come to a conclusion. Those women are catty biznatches! Was there anyone there that Jenny did not make cry? Not that I felt much sympathy for Krissy's twink, Susan...Her answers didn't make sense. However, that could be because she was sitting in a snake's pit.

Kudos to the Bachelor, who seems to be a Class A individual. He didn't bash anyone...not even the psycho reproduction-seeking doctor. Now, if only he would make the right decision!

Next Monday night...we shall see!!

I know...I wish...I hope
I Live: Oklahoma City, OK
I Work: for the BC
I Talk: English fluently, Spanish when I'm feeling silly, Malayalam like a village idiot

I Wish: to live my life fearlessly and to my full potential
I Enjoy: doing surveys like these
I Look: outside my window at work every day at this big beautiful church and dream of getting married in it some day!!

I'm sure: that even when it feels like i'm all alone, I'm loved.
I Find: personality quizzes so highly interesting
I Smell: glade air wisps
I Listen: this CD finu made me every single night before I go to sleep
I Hide: very little of myself. I'm very open if u ask or care.
I Pray: that I can experience God in a real way.
I Walk: my dog when it's warm outside and we have fun, fun, fun!
I Write: and I love it!...it makes me feel like I am doing what I was made to do

I See: the glass half empty.
I Sing: when no one's around
I Laugh: while I watch friends...even if I've seen it 60 times!
I love: God, writing, my family, my friends...so much more!
I can: eat JC's chocolate cake every day all day!
I Watch: Lost...religiously!
I Learn: from my mom
I Dream: of being a wife, mom, a writer..
I Want: to live life according to God's purpose
I Cry: very rarely now
I Burn: finu's ears when i straighten her hair
I Read: very slowly
I Sometimes: get really frustrated for days on end
I Touch: mousse's ears constantly
I Hurt: when I think that my life is not where it should be
I Fear: that it will never be where it should be
I Hope: that one day i will feel fulfilled.
I Break: bread? i dunno...i don't break things anymore (knock on wood)
I Eat: out of boredom
I Quit: too easily
I Bathe: every morning
I Drink: water only
I Save: wedding cards and programs
I Hug: if forced to
I Meditate: in my room
I Play: scrabble almost every night
I Miss: my dad every day
I Hold: babies every chance i get
I Forgive: easily
I Drive: my mom nuts
I Have: the world's best BF
I Don't: hold a grudge
I Made: pretty cool bead earrings
I Kiss: Suja and Sunu's mom's arss...only cuz i love her!
I Believe: that there is so much more to my life than this
I Owe: Blockbuster for an over due movie
I Feel: like perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel
I Know: all things work together for good that those that love the lord!

I guess I'm witty and warm...

Arena (known to self and others) helpful, modest, patient, shy, witty	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, accepting, calm, caring, clever, dependable, friendly, giving, independent, introverted, kind, loving, mature, nervous, observant, organised, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, searching, self-conscious, sentimental, trustworthy, warm
Façade (known only to self) adaptable	Unknown (known to nobody) bold, brave, cheerful, complex, confident, dignified, energetic, extroverted, happy, idealistic, ingenious, intelligent, knowledgable, logical, powerful, responsive, self-assertive, sensible, silly, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense, wise

All Percentages

able (8%) accepting (16%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (8%) caring (33%) cheerful (0%) clever (16%) complex (0%) confident (0%) dependable (25%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (0%) friendly (50%) giving (25%) happy (0%) helpful (8%) idealistic (0%) independent (25%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (0%) introverted (16%) kind (33%) knowledgable (0%) logical (0%) loving (25%) mature (16%) modest (16%) nervous (8%) observant (16%) organised (8%) patient (8%) powerful (0%) proud (8%) quiet (8%) reflective (25%) relaxed (8%) religious (8%) responsive (0%) searching (25%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (8%) sensible (0%) sentimental (16%) shy (16%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (8%) warm (50%) wise (0%) witty (33%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 17.2.2006, using data from 12 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Suevee's full data.

I thought this was highly interesting. i guess people see me as i see myself...and see a lot more in me that i ever knew!

ooh, i gotta have me that!

When I was fatter, the urge to buy clothes for myself was non-existent. The only time I really shopped was when I had to buy something for myself because nothing else fit. Now that I'm a bit thinner and actually fit into an acceptable size, the urge to buy clothes has increased immensely. I love clothes!...especially when they fit. Target is my absolute weakness. I swear, sometimes they have the cutest outfits...or what I consider to be cute anyway. I think it's common knowledge that I'm an ultra conservative dresser...often compared to the way teachers and bank employees dress. Regardless, I seem to convince myself that it's okay to buy hoards of clothing from Target because it's cheaper and more of a value than my other favorite stores. Today, I took five things into the dressing room and was completely prepared to buy all 5 things. However, I talked myself out of 4 things. The one thing left in my hand was all of 6.99$...so why not buy two?...which is exactly what I did.

I'm trying to budget, but clothes are definitely my weakness. I just need to stay out of Target and shop at Walmart at all times...since their clothes don't provide me with an ounce of temptation whatsoever.

The Bachelor Re-hash!!

bachelor in review...i'm more of an addict after last night's episode!! my faith has been renewed in dr. travis. i was threatening not to watch the show if the final two girls left were the blatantly OBVIOUS wrong choices for him. However, he got smart and started to recognize the shady mcgrady characteristics of Susan. Although she has a beautiful name to match her face ;)...she seemed so fake from the get go. I thought this even before I found out she was an aspiring actress. So Kudos to travis for figuring it out!! Now, his interest in moana, I'll never understand. their overnight date to venice was phenomenal...and was the deciding factor for me when considering future honeymoon spots...(not that i need to make this decision anytime soon) regardless, moana is like a triangle to his circle...it seems like an odd fit. i know, i know...opposites attract...but she seems so emotionally unstable. is it just me who sees this? but these types always seem to get the guy...anyway. of course the guy usually ends up regretting and runs to the girl like Sue...uh i mean Sarah...to vent their woes after the terrible mistake. What's so wrong with a relationship with a strong, rooted friendship first? Isn't there a saying...friends make the best lovers? Geez...none of my male friends seem to have heard that one. It's obvious I'm rooting for Sarah Tennessee. She was the underdog at the beginnning of the season...but has proved herself to be a suitable match for the young, studly doctor. I'm already a nervous wreck about the episode 2 weeks from now. My girl looked fabulous in the previews...i just hope she doesn't get her heart chewed up and spit out!

I guess this is about much more than just the bachelor to me. I've heard the "she's such a great friend" line time and time again...and i'm looking for one solitary soul in this universe to say..."AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED IN MY LIFE." so go sarahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I'll be on pins and needles till the finale!

I have a guy friend or two that other people seem to think are feminine/metrosexual/etc. I think this is totally unfair. Who defined these gender roles? What's wrong with a guy that can cook or puts effort into his wardrobe or wants his house to be decorated well and smell good?

I think a guy with a fashion sense and a creative streak is more manly than a man who scratches his balls while watching a football game. Why? Because these guys are really secure in themselves and their manliness in order to admit that they like candles, think pink looks good on them, give girls advice about hair products, etc.

I know that I completely appreciate the guys in my life who are like this...because you can talk to them about more than ball games, cars, farts, and their jobs. They're cultured and interesting. And although I may join in on the metrosexual jokes on the occasion...I never question their manliness.

She leaned over the edge of the platform to see if a train was in sight. Oddly enough, no one else was around except for the transient seeking a warm corner for his weary body. She passed by him just as he stumbled to the ground, leaving the stench of stale flesh in the air. She couldn’t quite explain what was rising from her chest and settling in her throat. It was as if she had been punched in the gut and the fist was still in position, thwarting her breath. It made her want to cry out. But she feared what people would think of her despite the fact that no one was there to hear.

Suddenly she heard the sound of an approaching train. A sense of relief washed over her, returning the color to her cheeks. With the train now in sight she stepped closer to the edge of the platform again. The train was now close enough to touch and she began to feel at ease.

The cars were a blur as they hummed and clattered past her, but there was something recognizable about the shadows within them. She caught glimpses of images and felt something oddly familiar about them. Were the passengers people she knew? Before she could truly be certain, they disappeared into the haze.

The train did not seem to be slowing down. Instead, it picked up momentum and was now simply rolling swiftly past her. She wanted to reach out her hand and stop it, but she knew her strength was not a force this strong. Her mind began to move quickly as she yearned to join the others on the train. Perhaps she would run as fast as she could and take a leap of faith as she hurled her body toward the train. Her fear held her back from this plan. She then wondered if she should climb back up the subway stairs and find her way through the city barefoot. The dirt would stain the soles of her feet, and she would never find her way.

Overcome by frustration, she rested against a concrete pillar, which she sought for strength. She pulled her knees to her chest as a tear streamed down her cheek. Wiping the tear, she felt something foreign under her finger tips. She rifled through her purse quickly and found a compact. She opened it hesitantly and with fear in her eyes, she stared at the image looking back at her. She barely recognized her own face with wrinkled skin and graying hair.

What seemed like a short time became infinity as she waited for that train to stop and let her on board. Minutes were really hours, hours were years, and years were decades. And she realized she had spent her life on the platform of the subway station…thinking, planning, waiting, hoping…but not living.

I feel like I'm working on so many things at one time, which has been fairly hard for me to handle. I've been working on my budget/finances, losing weight, growing out my hair (which might not sound like a task for some, but certainly is for me), writing more, reading more, finding a new job, etc, etc...

With everything that's going on...I simply love when I discover things that can help me kill two birds with one stone. My good friend and neighbor, the Illustrious Finuji and I went grocery shopping a few weeks. In our quest to find the cheapest grocery store to help us with our new found budgets, we tried out Crest Foods. I'm not quite sure the prices are as rock bottom as they claim for them to be...Walmart seems quite a bit more affordable. However, Finuji introduced me to Michelina's low-cal frozen meals that are only 98 cents!! I bought it out of pure cheapness...who could pass up the thought of spending 5 bucks a WEEK on lunch? typically people spend 5$ a day! I thought surely they would taste like cow dung or something comparable...

but they are actually pretty dern good. Now buying a lean cuisine or smart one for 2.50 is a splurge...only for special occasions. Of course, the serving size is enough to feed a small human with very little appetite...but it's nothing that a bag of baked/low calorie lays on the side can't fix.

It just occurred to me that I'm blogging about cheap frozen food. what has my life come to if I find this subject matter exciting?

I've been thinking lately that I have nothing to blog about...but then, after talking to my cousin Tee last night, I realized my whole life is one big blog...and the title is "the plight of the single woman." I have stories...disasterous stories...funny-as-hell stories...sad stories etc, etc...

Last night's topic of conversation stemmed from a re-hash after "The Bachelor." We were discussing Sarah from Tennessee...the girl who merely lives a block away from the bachelor...the good, wholesome, real girl...who has no ulterior motives and plays no mind games. She's the best candidate for the bachelor. I think he himself knows this, but for some reason...their relationship hasn't moved past the stage of friendship.

This is what we discussed...how on earth do you move past that stage? I'm constantly labled "the faithful friend"...I often say that God meant to make me a chocolate lab because truly...I'm man's best friend. Tee says it's about sex appeal. I quickly asked her if this is why her husband fell for her...and she burst into laughter. Ok...so maybe it's not about sex appeal. She said I should use clever little flirtatious comments. I guess it would help if my brain processed comments like that...but I always think of clever things to say afterwards. Grrr...I hate that!

I got no game...but is it about game? I keep telling myself to just be myself...and the right guy will appreciate my qualities. But, is it really that simple?

Morning radio in Okc is oh-so-annoying. One female dj's voice is soooooo annoying, that I have to change the station every time she speaks. I usually try to listen to Christian radio in the mornings...it keeps me positive and has no commercial...but some of those songs serve as a lullaby that can put me to sleep, which isn't good when I'm driving. So, that leaves me tuned into 97.9. The thing about the morning dj's on the show is...they are basically a group of friends and they talk about thier clique, which makes you feel like you're a part of the group...they also do weird things like "piss on your ass" contests that I don't approve of, which is when I switch stations...but today, they discussed something interesting..."Broke Back Mountain" and its' success.

Before I go into this schpeel...let me clearly state one thing. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST HOMOSEXUALS. I think people assume that Christians hate gays. But if one is TRULY a Christian, they won't hate the sinner, only the sin. That being said, I would never condone the behavior, but I'd also never turn my back on anyone who told me they were gay. In fact, I've had gay friends in my lifetime, and the guys were so much fun. I even had to go to a gay bar to pick one of them up from work and it was nothing short of interesting. So what I'm trying to say is that my opinion of the movie has NOTHING to do with my feelings about homosexuals...

Ok...sooooooooo, one of the radio guys felt that the success of the movie was only because it was a gay movie. I tend to agree. I mean, grant it...the actors did a wonderful job...no one's doubting that. But, if the movie was about a straight couple that had a sordid love affair on a mountain...there would not be half as much as hype about it as there is now. It would have been considered a cheesy romance.

I watched the movie...I found it far from spectacular. But, if you're looking for a spectacular romance...go see Tristan and Isolde!...AMAZING!!!

Now, Friday shoutoutz....

To my fwiend, John D...who has a wounded heart. This too shall pass. ;)

To me...for finally finishing my splash o' pink room!

To tax refunds coming in sooooon!!

To having only one short hour left till lunch!

have a great weekend, folks.

I was sent trapsing down memory lane this week after reading several of the flogs about grandparents. I hear my mom tell my niece and nephews that she loves them all the time. This wasn't a phrase I grew up hearing. This might be part of the reason that I have such a tough time getting those words to form on my lips and roll off my tongue. Regardless, I think it's sweet that she realized the importance and now expresses herself in such manner with the grandkids. I remember longing for that bond when I was kid...even now at times. I never knew either of my grandmothers. My dad's mom died when he was only a few months old. Someone once told me that I favored her. She had curly hair and a creative spark. My mother's mom died in 1987, a month after my father's death. I had only met her one time when I was 3, and I scarcely remember her at all. Last time I went to India, about 3 or 4 years ago, I re-met my mom's aunt...my great aunt. She made such a fuss about me and sniffed-kissed my cheeks like sweet amachis usually do. She doted on me and insisted we stay with her for a while. I liked being around her because of her loving nature...it was the closest moment I'd ever come to of having a real grandmother. I often think of her sitting in her house on the hill alone. I certainly hope her real grandchildren think of her often and appreciate her nearly as much as I did for those brief moments.

My grandfathers are another story. Although he is still alive , I hardly know my mother's father. I remember going to India when I was high school and asking apachen if he wanted to listen to my walkman. He obliged as he ate a cookie. Sweets were his favorite thing ever. Even now, although he rarely gets up from his bed and has withered into frail bones, barely holding up loose flesh...he happily ate the cookies my sister brought him when she visited him last month. My last trip to see him opened up a realm of understanding for me. I discovered the little intricacies of what makes my mother tick and why she is the way she is by watching Appachen and his ways. They are very much alike. My dad's dad, on the other hand, was my baby sitter when I was a kid. i have so many memories of him from my childhood. He never spoke English, however my sister, brother, and cousins always thought he secretly knew it but was a part of some covert plan set up by our parents, who used my gramps as a spy to listen and overhear our conversations and see if we were up to no good. One day, he came to pick me up from school...(we walked home together every afternoon) For no apparent reason some kid walked right up to me and started kickin the crap outta me. My gramps saved the day. He walked right up to the kid and pulled him off of me. And then we walked home in silence...well, other than me sniffling from time to time. I sorely miss my gramps...sadly, the last memory I have of him is watching him die before my eyes...surrounded by those he loved with words of praise on his lips until the very last moment. Oddly enough, he died the same year my father and grandmother died...on my father's birthday.

There's just something sweet about the love of a grandparent...I'm glad I was blessed enough to know that kind of love if even for a short while. I often wish that my niece and nephews...and possibly my own kid would have had the opportunity to know their grandfather....because i'm quite sure they woulda been the apple of his eye. ;)