Missing Moussey...

Today, I  had an appointment with Dr. Personality (just a touch of sarcasm in that nickname) so I ventured out on my own.  Mind you, MDA is only a little over a mile away, but for me, a mile is enough to get lost or into some sort of predicament.  Luckily I got from point A to point B and back with no problems.  Dr. Personality said all my test results from Monday came back negative and the next step before treatment begins is a consult with a Radiologist next Monday.  He also informed me that my chemo for the next 5 weeks is in pill form!  That means no infusions and no Charlotte!!  I'm ecstatic.  This time around chemo isn't a level 10 it's more like a level 3 or so...but of course, radiation will be hard to stomach.  (no pun intended)

So now that I've got all the medical updates out of the way.  Let me update you on life in general.  The new place is quiet and serene... In the mornings, I open up the balcony door in my room and in the living room and just enjoy the beautiful weather and the great view of the sunshine and palm trees.  Yesterday I was actually inspired to sit at my little writer's nook and write one solid page of a story.  I haven't done that in years.  Now, I haven't decided where this story's going or what exactly I'm going to do with it.  But, it was really nice to see a full page of work...even though it literally took me all day to do it! 

After venturing out today, I think I built a little bit of confidence.  I live across the street from a really amazing park.  So maybe one day, I'll go for a walk while I still feel good.  I'm sure one of my cousins wouldn't mind accompanying me.  During the day time I stay pretty positive and upbeat.  But then when day turns to night...I can feel my pep begin to dwindle.  That's when the quiet really gets to me...

I really miss my girl.  I miss her staring at me till I give her a snack, snuggling with me on the couch, and getting annoyed with my friends and retreating to her room.  I just miss her presence and her constant companionship.  She's my bestie...and I wonder if she thinks I'm never coming back for her.  

Everyone always tells me it's just temporary.  And yes, everything I miss is just temporary...my dog, my family, my friends, my house, my job, my hair, feeling 100% normal....but that doesn't make it any less difficult or painful.  I know there's an end in sight...I just don't know when it is.  And I can try to guesstimate it...but then there could be a change in plans or a temporary set back.  So I rather just not guesstimate anything at all.  

I need to just plow through these next six weeks, so I can go home and recuperate in my own comfy cozy house with its' revolving garage door...and the colorful cast of characters that are constantly coming through it.  My frenemy always tells me I have brute strength...(this is because there was a Christmas Eve blizzard one year, and I helped him push the car out of the snow when it got stuck three times!...Not bad for a girl with no visible muscles!) I just have to muster up all that brute strength I possess to get through this last round of chemo and radiation.  If I can handle 3 months of level 10...I can surely handle this.