Every morning I wake up at six...and debate whether or not I should go to work. For fifteen minutes I lay and think about what I'm going to say when I call in. Then I decide that I can't call in because "such in such" might happen or "so and so might need me." So, then I decide I'll call in and say I'll be an hour late. After deciding upon this, I doze off to sleep and dream about my co-workers. By 6:30, I'm awake again, realizing I don't want to deal with the hassle of calling one of the girls to let them know I'll be late. I roll off my bed and hesitantly start my day.
I realize that I've not just reached burn out level...I have surpassed it. The daily grind is taking its toll on me. I walk into work along side people who have worked here 15 to 25 years, and it scares me. Don't they feel what I feel? Do they just ignore it and deal? Already, I've been here 6 years next month. That's way longer than I thought. It's not something I'm ashamed of or regret...but I just don't want to be them 20 years later "dealing" with this grind.
I don't know if I need a long vacation...or a permanent change of scenery. I endlessly search for both. Until then...I watch my clock at the bottom corner of my computer...8:29am. At 11:30 it will be lunch and I will celebrate a little victory...I've made it through almost half way. At 1:00...I'll wish it was 4:00. At 2:30, I'll swear it feels like 4:30....at 4:00, I'll rejoice that I have only 45 minutes left to go. By 5:00...I'll be starting my car, relieved that I survived the day...and already dreading tomorrow.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
ok that's it.. you need a new job!
you just described what I did every morning before goign to work until i quit. the same rationalizing and dreading,it's like you went into my mind and read it. security is overrated....you need a new job, even if means a paycut, etc. I'm crossing my fingers and saying a prayer that something fantastic comes your way!
Post a Comment