I'm currently arguing with Billy about rap. (He is alive for those of you who wondered where he's been). You see, he think he's a lyrical master....here's a sample of his rappin style: "Oh Yeah, Yeah... My name is Billy T. and i'm like an ant cuz i'm low to the earth, peoplez feelin's get hurt when they find out what i'm wurth..... OOooooOOoooooo.... Its too much for you i know, but you cant deny the talent!!!!!!!!!!!" As you can see, he's far from being a master...more like a disaster!
Anyway, our discussion today is about old rap vs. new rap. I hear music now-a-days from people like M&M and billy's personal favorite, mike jones...and i'm just not entertained. I don't want to hear how you've got ho's in your HO-tel and Mr. Mathers, I'm sorry your mom was strange, but I don't want to hear your biography in the form of a 5 minute song you wrote to your daughter. Back in my day, lyrics were much less serious and harsh...like "back that thang up" ..."rumpshaker"..."I like big butts." Ok, so maybe they were all about booties...but still they were funny and entertaining. Back in the day, I could listen to a song over and over and over and still want more....I miss rappers like my bizoy, LL Cool J, the Beastie Boys, Run DMC, and Salt and Peppa. Even rap that came after them from Tupac, Biggie, Puffy, and Mase was entertaining. But, I'm just not diggin this new stuff.
Give me a station that plays 70's, 80's, and 90's and I'd be in hog heaven! So, outta my own curiousity...I'm wondering what you guys think? Old vs. New?? Which one is for you? (man, I got the rhymes...maybe i should be a rapper?)
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
The rude, the crude, and the totally unacceptable...
I'm a wee bit annoyed this afternoon...It boggles my mind how people deliberately set out to be rude. Is it really THAT hard to be nice to people?! I know I'm not the nicest person that has tread planet earth...that would be my BF, Sonia. She has only friends...no foes. I have a few foes here and there, but I don't set out to be malicious unless provoked. I wish I was more forgiving and saint like, but that's not happening any time soon.
It's one thing when people who you know are rude to you for no reason. Like when I get that "She's not married? What's wrong with her??" look...or even that "Vhy you fat?" comment. I can take that...I mean they're ignorant. How else can I explain that?
It's also one thing when your co-workers who see your ugly mug day in and day out annoy the crapeezy outta you. That too is acceptable...or rather, bearable...I should say. Some people want to take the attention off their sloppy work or lack of work and make the bosses focus on yours. It's called devious displacement, and I know a few folks who have their PhD in it.
However, rude comments by anonymous "commenters" takes the cake! I guess what bothers me most is the anonymity of it all. I've got thick skin...High School and my brother prepared me to deal with rude punks. So, I can definitely take it. Call me anything you want...and I'm quite sure I've heard it before. However, what gets my goat (another southern phrase I shoulda posted on the blog below) is when people are malicious and then hide behind a fake name. To me, it shows exactly how childish and petty you really are. If you're giving an opinion or trying to make some valid point or statement...you shouldn't be so frightened to post your name next to it. Seriously, I think people who do this have so little excitement in their lives that they are trying to find a way to spice things up...produce a little drama, so they can sit back and chuckle.
Many times, i've thought to stop blogging/flogging because the rudeness of Anonymous floggers makes me fit to be tied!!! But then I thought, why kill someone's only source of sick pleasure? I'm not that cruel!!!
It's one thing when people who you know are rude to you for no reason. Like when I get that "She's not married? What's wrong with her??" look...or even that "Vhy you fat?" comment. I can take that...I mean they're ignorant. How else can I explain that?
It's also one thing when your co-workers who see your ugly mug day in and day out annoy the crapeezy outta you. That too is acceptable...or rather, bearable...I should say. Some people want to take the attention off their sloppy work or lack of work and make the bosses focus on yours. It's called devious displacement, and I know a few folks who have their PhD in it.
However, rude comments by anonymous "commenters" takes the cake! I guess what bothers me most is the anonymity of it all. I've got thick skin...High School and my brother prepared me to deal with rude punks. So, I can definitely take it. Call me anything you want...and I'm quite sure I've heard it before. However, what gets my goat (another southern phrase I shoulda posted on the blog below) is when people are malicious and then hide behind a fake name. To me, it shows exactly how childish and petty you really are. If you're giving an opinion or trying to make some valid point or statement...you shouldn't be so frightened to post your name next to it. Seriously, I think people who do this have so little excitement in their lives that they are trying to find a way to spice things up...produce a little drama, so they can sit back and chuckle.
Many times, i've thought to stop blogging/flogging because the rudeness of Anonymous floggers makes me fit to be tied!!! But then I thought, why kill someone's only source of sick pleasure? I'm not that cruel!!!
Okies say the derndest thangs...
Growing up in Oklahoma, I have tried my best NOT to let southern sayings seep into my mind. I've tried very hard to talk like a Yankee since I was born in Chicago and represent New York. But, once in a while, I catch myself saying something, and I realize that there's no use fighting it. I'm one of those "dern" southerners, despite how hard I try not to be.
A while back I wrote a post...educating myself and others about ebonic terms. It was greatly enjoyed by all and proved to be beneficial to me on my trip to Houston. When my cousin said "Watch out for the po-po." I knew she meant I needed to slow down because cops were near by. So, I thought I'd post a tutorial of sorts for you all to learn and understand "Okie" terminology...Not that I see a rapid influx of migration into Oklahoma ever occurring, but I figured you guys could use some help understanding me incase I blurt out these random words or phrases.
HEIDI
a girl's name
a greeting. (heidi nice to meet ya)
THANK
appreciation
to ponder on. (i thank i left the keys in the car.)
RETARD
mentally handicapped
no longer working ( my mom retard last year)
SEED
something you plant in the ground
past tense of see (I never seen the Eiffel Tower)
FIXIN
repairing
about to (I'm fixin to eat dinner)
FIT TO BE TIED
pissed off (She talked back to me and I swear I was fit to be tied!)
HANKERING
desire (I've gotta hankering for some pickles)
HOG HEAVEN
a great place (When I got my back massaged, I was in Hog Heaven!)
A while back I wrote a post...educating myself and others about ebonic terms. It was greatly enjoyed by all and proved to be beneficial to me on my trip to Houston. When my cousin said "Watch out for the po-po." I knew she meant I needed to slow down because cops were near by. So, I thought I'd post a tutorial of sorts for you all to learn and understand "Okie" terminology...Not that I see a rapid influx of migration into Oklahoma ever occurring, but I figured you guys could use some help understanding me incase I blurt out these random words or phrases.
HEIDI
a girl's name
a greeting. (heidi nice to meet ya)
THANK
appreciation
to ponder on. (i thank i left the keys in the car.)
RETARD
mentally handicapped
no longer working ( my mom retard last year)
SEED
something you plant in the ground
past tense of see (I never seen the Eiffel Tower)
FIXIN
repairing
about to (I'm fixin to eat dinner)
FIT TO BE TIED
pissed off (She talked back to me and I swear I was fit to be tied!)
HANKERING
desire (I've gotta hankering for some pickles)
HOG HEAVEN
a great place (When I got my back massaged, I was in Hog Heaven!)
Thursday, August 25, 2005
When pointy heeled shoes first became "in style"...I vowed to myself that I would never become a slave to fashion. I mean, no amount of cuteness would be worth wearing those ugly, witch shoes. But somehow, seeing EVERYONE wear them began to change the messages in my brain. Suddenly they became cute and top priority on my "must have" list. I bought a pair...not only did I buy a pair...I bought a pair that's way too big for me. Why? Because they were on sale...and I just couldn't pass up the deal. Never mind the fact that my size 8 foot was way too small for the size 9 shoe. Did I ever stop to think about the consequences? Of course not...not then.
Not until I started wearing them. They made me feel very "corporate" when I wore them with my fav slacks and buttoned down shirt. But then I noticed the little "problem"...my foot kept slipping out of them. I had to run across the street to get to the office and almost got run over by a car that had no patience for pedestrians...all because my foot slipped out of the shoe while I was in the middle of the street, and I had to recuperate and try to find the shoe which had flung off my feet into the middle of the road. When I got to my office, I thought I'd be smart and stuff the toe with kleenex. THAT plan had to be fool proof. Not so much. My poor toe keeps shoving it's way deeper and deeper into the narrow depths of my shoe...and now my toes will never...EVER be the same again. it's just not easy being cute!!
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Please...no more drama, Mamas...
I was talking to a friend last night, who recently moved to a new place. She told me that she enjoyed talking to me because our conversation was real and genuine...and I completely agreed. I've known her since I was a kid, so there's a sense of familiarity. No matter how much time has lapsed since our last conversation, we still carry on as if it was just yesterday. It was then that I realized how hard those kind of friends are to find.
Perhaps this feeling has stemmed from my BF moving away. It just seems as if I don't have very many friends anymore. I don't know about all of you, but as a single chick...I find that most of my friends are married. I think I've mentioned before that I hate calling married people. I assume that they have better things to do than listen to my rants. So this doesn't leave me with a large supply of non-married friends. Not to knock anyone, but most single girls my age are often not all together normal. I can't blame them...infact, I often question my own normalcy. It's hard to be normal and single after the age of 30 because you've spent at least 6 years listening to your parents and every other adult who is within a 10,000 mile radius gripe about your singleness. It doesn't matter that you graduated college magna cum laude, landed a 3 figure income, and own a better car than half the guys you know (none of which I have done)...suddenly you feel as if you're less of a person. Suddenly it seems as if you stick out when u're with your married friends...like a white head on the nose of a blemish-free face. You start getting desperate...what's worse is your start ACTING desperate. You date creeps who aren't worth your time...or you chase creeps who you don't even like...just to be "TRYING" to find a man. And when the guy turns you down, you fling yourself into a pit of depression...You throw yourself a pity party and invite all your other desperately-seeking single gal pals to join you. You don't stop to think about the fact that he was a low life loser, who u really didn't like anyway!! It's sad really...and overall it affects you mentally!!
This is the sole reason why I don't have a lot of single gal pals my age. They seem to be immersed in this kind of drama and any phone conversation results in a 6.5 hour gripe fest about the losers that broke their hearts. After which, I feel like crap...for a variety of different reasons. But mainly because I wasted 6.5 hours of my life, which I can never get back, listening to 100% pure, unadulterated drama.
I'm not saying I'm not guilty of having these dramatic moments...of singing alone in my room "it's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to...of scrolling through my phonebook to see who'd be free to hear me whine. Trust me...I've had those moments...but my life isn't consumed by them. Occasionally..I like to think about things OTHER than hooking up...I like to talk about things OTHER than all the plethura of scrotumless creeps I've met. Sometimes, it's just nice to call up a friend, talk about the old days,gossip about a slutty mutual friend, gripe about jobs, and discuss important things that impact our lives...like reality TV.
Perhaps this feeling has stemmed from my BF moving away. It just seems as if I don't have very many friends anymore. I don't know about all of you, but as a single chick...I find that most of my friends are married. I think I've mentioned before that I hate calling married people. I assume that they have better things to do than listen to my rants. So this doesn't leave me with a large supply of non-married friends. Not to knock anyone, but most single girls my age are often not all together normal. I can't blame them...infact, I often question my own normalcy. It's hard to be normal and single after the age of 30 because you've spent at least 6 years listening to your parents and every other adult who is within a 10,000 mile radius gripe about your singleness. It doesn't matter that you graduated college magna cum laude, landed a 3 figure income, and own a better car than half the guys you know (none of which I have done)...suddenly you feel as if you're less of a person. Suddenly it seems as if you stick out when u're with your married friends...like a white head on the nose of a blemish-free face. You start getting desperate...what's worse is your start ACTING desperate. You date creeps who aren't worth your time...or you chase creeps who you don't even like...just to be "TRYING" to find a man. And when the guy turns you down, you fling yourself into a pit of depression...You throw yourself a pity party and invite all your other desperately-seeking single gal pals to join you. You don't stop to think about the fact that he was a low life loser, who u really didn't like anyway!! It's sad really...and overall it affects you mentally!!
This is the sole reason why I don't have a lot of single gal pals my age. They seem to be immersed in this kind of drama and any phone conversation results in a 6.5 hour gripe fest about the losers that broke their hearts. After which, I feel like crap...for a variety of different reasons. But mainly because I wasted 6.5 hours of my life, which I can never get back, listening to 100% pure, unadulterated drama.
I'm not saying I'm not guilty of having these dramatic moments...of singing alone in my room "it's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to...of scrolling through my phonebook to see who'd be free to hear me whine. Trust me...I've had those moments...but my life isn't consumed by them. Occasionally..I like to think about things OTHER than hooking up...I like to talk about things OTHER than all the plethura of scrotumless creeps I've met. Sometimes, it's just nice to call up a friend, talk about the old days,gossip about a slutty mutual friend, gripe about jobs, and discuss important things that impact our lives...like reality TV.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Just another manic Monday...
It's a Monday...that's all I can say. I woke up this morning to the sounds of roaring thunder. I'm not sure what the reason is for this sudden monsoon in Okc, but it's a bit strange. It totally disrupted my alotted 10 minutes of snooze-bar-sleep, which I cherish! I was beginning to wonder if it indeed was a storm brewing or Armegeddon occurring right outside my window. It just wasn't a very great start to a dreaded Monday morning.
I couldn't even fake my new "try to be positive" morning cheer...which I usually sputter out in a quick prayer before I leave for work. The prayer usually goes something like this "my life is good. my job is great. i pray this morning i won't be late." This morning I grunted out " god is good. amen" ...and headed out the door. I had no energy for positivity.
I discovered that my tire was flat yet again. Lovely. This meant I'd spend my lunch hour trying to fix it. When I have car problems, I stress out and want to eat chocolate cake. But, I can't even do that. So, on my lunch break I set out to find a free air pump...since i never carry cash...yes, not even 2 quarters...it's terrible. Why do people charge for air anyways?? it's just air! After visiting 3 different gas stations i finally found one. I guess I should be grateful that it wasn't raining...instead it was sweltering hot...and I had on a black sweater to make matters worse. I know what you're thinking...why would anyone wear a black sweater in the summer? Well, it's FREEZING in the office...so I need the sweater. Anyway, it was hot as heck and the stupid air cap wouldn't come off. To make matters worse this dumb car was honking at someone endlessly making my blood pressure raise...Just when I was about to break down and cry...I got the cap off and pumped the air.
I returned to work after my lunch break feeling a bit grumpy...when I saw that I had received a new email...from my very own Romie-O! Romel is my friend Sangita's husband...she is gracious enough to let me practice mack lines on him...She obviously knows I'm harmless because she finds great humor in our silly banter. The following email made me smile from ear to ear...
"hello wonderful .. ( i thought of saying beautiful but beauty is only skin
deep).. but you are and always have been a wonderful person, so hence thats
how i want to address you. Thank you so much for remembering me on Rakhee
day.. if you let me know that you had a bracelet for me, i would have made a
special trip to come down so that you could tie it. "
Suddenly...my day has been brightened..."Life is good...Romie's great...I can't wait to eat dinner at eight!"
I couldn't even fake my new "try to be positive" morning cheer...which I usually sputter out in a quick prayer before I leave for work. The prayer usually goes something like this "my life is good. my job is great. i pray this morning i won't be late." This morning I grunted out " god is good. amen" ...and headed out the door. I had no energy for positivity.
I discovered that my tire was flat yet again. Lovely. This meant I'd spend my lunch hour trying to fix it. When I have car problems, I stress out and want to eat chocolate cake. But, I can't even do that. So, on my lunch break I set out to find a free air pump...since i never carry cash...yes, not even 2 quarters...it's terrible. Why do people charge for air anyways?? it's just air! After visiting 3 different gas stations i finally found one. I guess I should be grateful that it wasn't raining...instead it was sweltering hot...and I had on a black sweater to make matters worse. I know what you're thinking...why would anyone wear a black sweater in the summer? Well, it's FREEZING in the office...so I need the sweater. Anyway, it was hot as heck and the stupid air cap wouldn't come off. To make matters worse this dumb car was honking at someone endlessly making my blood pressure raise...Just when I was about to break down and cry...I got the cap off and pumped the air.
I returned to work after my lunch break feeling a bit grumpy...when I saw that I had received a new email...from my very own Romie-O! Romel is my friend Sangita's husband...she is gracious enough to let me practice mack lines on him...She obviously knows I'm harmless because she finds great humor in our silly banter. The following email made me smile from ear to ear...
"hello wonderful .. ( i thought of saying beautiful but beauty is only skin
deep).. but you are and always have been a wonderful person, so hence thats
how i want to address you. Thank you so much for remembering me on Rakhee
day.. if you let me know that you had a bracelet for me, i would have made a
special trip to come down so that you could tie it. "
Suddenly...my day has been brightened..."Life is good...Romie's great...I can't wait to eat dinner at eight!"
Sunday, August 21, 2005
My confusion has finally been laid to rest...
I thought I would update everyone about Shibu since I had a few emails and comments asking for updates. We had a wake for him in OKC on Friday night, but his parents are taking his body back with them to Oregon. His memorial service was different, but beautiful in its' own way. It was truly something Shibu would have wanted...Two people came to know the Lord that night and several others dedicated their lives to the ministry.
I walked away with MORE questions than I had all week, and I spent another night tossing and turning as the questions reeled in my mind. What is faith? Why have faith if everything boils down to being God's will? What is prophecy? How do you know if prophecies are real?
Finally, at approximately 2:59 am, I realized what faith is...and why it's important to have it. Faith goes beyond hoping for “something”…regardless of what it may be. Faith is hoping in God….it is knowing that despite whether things work out and goes your way…God will carry you through your storms and lead you forward because His will is perfect. That’s what makes it so hard to have faith…because that’s a tough pill to swallow. We want what we want…and we can’t think beyond our wants…so to trust that something you want so badly is not God’s will and trust Him to lead you through the darkness and into the light…is truly difficult. But, THAT is why God honors faith.
As far as prophecies go…I am still a believer. I just realized that when God speaks through a human…it doesn’t mean that what is said can be completely understood by our human minds. It’s still God who is saying the message….and God’s way of thinking is not our way of thinking. We see things in black and white…simplistically…but God’s ways are beyond what our little brains can ever comprehend or imagine. So, to hear a prophecy over our lives…and think that we know what it truly means…is not realistic. No matter what…God’s promises are ALWAYS true…they NEVER fail. 1 Kings 8:56 says there has not failed one word of all His good promise” It may not come to pass the way we THINK…but it will definitely come to pass.
Do I regret believing that the dead can rise? No, it has helped me broaden my faith…and realize what it means to have faith. Do I regret praying for it? Absolutely not…It can happen. Anything can happen if it’s God’s will…because nothing is too hard for Him. 1 Corinthians 15: 12-14 says, “ Now if Christ is preached that He has been raised from the dead, how do some among you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? But if there is no resurrection of the dead then Christ is not risen. And if Christ is not risen, then our preaching is empty.”
Over all, this experience…as tragic as it is…has brought blessing into my life. I have been challenged…I realize how little I truly know about the things of God. I am eager now to search the word and find the answers to the questions that still linger in my mind…and I am encouraged to carry on the torch that Shibu has passed to all of us who he ministered to....and I pray that through all of us...and the lives we touch...and the lives that those people touch...etc, etc...that there will be a reconciliation among the nations and that a billion souls will be won for Christ!
I walked away with MORE questions than I had all week, and I spent another night tossing and turning as the questions reeled in my mind. What is faith? Why have faith if everything boils down to being God's will? What is prophecy? How do you know if prophecies are real?
Finally, at approximately 2:59 am, I realized what faith is...and why it's important to have it. Faith goes beyond hoping for “something”…regardless of what it may be. Faith is hoping in God….it is knowing that despite whether things work out and goes your way…God will carry you through your storms and lead you forward because His will is perfect. That’s what makes it so hard to have faith…because that’s a tough pill to swallow. We want what we want…and we can’t think beyond our wants…so to trust that something you want so badly is not God’s will and trust Him to lead you through the darkness and into the light…is truly difficult. But, THAT is why God honors faith.
As far as prophecies go…I am still a believer. I just realized that when God speaks through a human…it doesn’t mean that what is said can be completely understood by our human minds. It’s still God who is saying the message….and God’s way of thinking is not our way of thinking. We see things in black and white…simplistically…but God’s ways are beyond what our little brains can ever comprehend or imagine. So, to hear a prophecy over our lives…and think that we know what it truly means…is not realistic. No matter what…God’s promises are ALWAYS true…they NEVER fail. 1 Kings 8:56 says there has not failed one word of all His good promise” It may not come to pass the way we THINK…but it will definitely come to pass.
Do I regret believing that the dead can rise? No, it has helped me broaden my faith…and realize what it means to have faith. Do I regret praying for it? Absolutely not…It can happen. Anything can happen if it’s God’s will…because nothing is too hard for Him. 1 Corinthians 15: 12-14 says, “ Now if Christ is preached that He has been raised from the dead, how do some among you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? But if there is no resurrection of the dead then Christ is not risen. And if Christ is not risen, then our preaching is empty.”
Over all, this experience…as tragic as it is…has brought blessing into my life. I have been challenged…I realize how little I truly know about the things of God. I am eager now to search the word and find the answers to the questions that still linger in my mind…and I am encouraged to carry on the torch that Shibu has passed to all of us who he ministered to....and I pray that through all of us...and the lives we touch...and the lives that those people touch...etc, etc...that there will be a reconciliation among the nations and that a billion souls will be won for Christ!
Friday, August 19, 2005
The post I feared writing...
This week has been nothing short of arduous, and I am eager it to put it behind me. But, I know that it will never fully be behind me. The events of this week will always linger in my heart and mind because they have challenged me to ask myself some tough questions as I examined my faith.
I've danced around this topic all week. I didn't want to share the details because I was fearful. I feared that anons would lash back at me with cruel words for expressing my thoughts and opinions. But, then I stopped to think about it, and I realized that I shouldn't fear someone who is too fearful to back up their thoughts and opinion with a name to identify themselves.
So, I'm biting the bullet and writing the "details." After all, isn't that what blogs are all about? A few days ago, I wrote a post about the death of my friend's husband. However, I didn't mention any of the events that have taken place since that fateful Saturday afternoon. I visited his wife's home the next day, and to my surprise she was in very good spirits. Why? Because she firmly believes that he will be raised from the dead. I know this sounds crazy. This was my initial thought when I first heard it. I thought that perhaps she was in denial and couldn't accept reality. These were my thoughts before I realized why she thought he would be raised from the dead.
Her husband was very anointed by God. I only spoke to him a few times in his life, but he was someone who you could look at and truly see the thumb print of God upon. He had a desire to serve the Lord and a passion to reach lost souls. In fact, it was prophecied upon him time and time again that he would bring a multitude of people to know the Lord. THIS is why his wife believes he will be raised. She felt that these prophetic words that were shared with him by various people were the promises of God in his life. However, the promise was not fulfilled...and God doesn't lie...so surely God would bring him back to live out the promise.
When I saw her faith and persistence as she prayed, my heart ached. Could she be right? Could God bring him back? Or was she delusional? Finally, I saw a videotaping of someone sharing a prophetic word with him. In this taping, God told him (through a woman of God) that he "would bring reconciliation to the nations...to the nations of Ishmael." When I heard this, I kept analyzing that sentence over and over and over. A part of me thought perhaps, his life and death would impact many lives...and through those lives others would be touched. Perhaps THAT is how the reconciliation of nations will take place. But, what if he were to be raised? The prophecy would definitely come to pass then too! Why is it so hard for me to imagine him being raised?
I know that in the New Testament, Jesus rose Lazarus from the dead. According to scripture, "Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever." I began to do some research on the topic and I realized that it has happened in present times too. It's not a phenomenon. So, I started questioning my faith. Why do I feel that God raising someone from the dead is a preposterous notion? Afterall, all He has to do is say one word. "Rise" So, I began to join in with the others who believe...and prayed that God's will be done...if it is to raise him...then I pray that God do so and prepare our hearts and minds for the miracle that would take place. And if it's to take him...that God would send the Spirit to comfort us...especially his wife.
This has caused a major uproar in the city. People are torn, rumors are flying, questions are being raised and faith is being questioned. The adults think that the youth that are praying for this to occur are certifiably crazy. They do not approve of the fact that many of the youth are meeting together and praying over this matter. My question is why? I think many are concerned of the appearance of things...many people in other states are looking at us as if we are nut jobs. My question is...who cares what others think? I think a lot of the older generation have forgotten how it feels to step out in faith...to throw caution to the wind...and get radical for Christ. I think that if he is raised from the dead...there will be an outpouring of the holy spirit in this place...and a revival will take place. I would love for that to happen, but I know that whatever happens...God's will is perfect.
I've went over this whole situation in my mind time and time again...and I finally decided...
It's okay to pray about it...because the word says "in all things bring your prayers and supplications to the Lord."
It's not too big of a thing for the Lord to do because....."With God all things are possible."
It's also okay to believe that God will work a miracle. "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
But I also think that it's wrong if we question the Lord if His decision is to keep Shibu home with Him....because God's will is perfect... "Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will."
I've danced around this topic all week. I didn't want to share the details because I was fearful. I feared that anons would lash back at me with cruel words for expressing my thoughts and opinions. But, then I stopped to think about it, and I realized that I shouldn't fear someone who is too fearful to back up their thoughts and opinion with a name to identify themselves.
So, I'm biting the bullet and writing the "details." After all, isn't that what blogs are all about? A few days ago, I wrote a post about the death of my friend's husband. However, I didn't mention any of the events that have taken place since that fateful Saturday afternoon. I visited his wife's home the next day, and to my surprise she was in very good spirits. Why? Because she firmly believes that he will be raised from the dead. I know this sounds crazy. This was my initial thought when I first heard it. I thought that perhaps she was in denial and couldn't accept reality. These were my thoughts before I realized why she thought he would be raised from the dead.
Her husband was very anointed by God. I only spoke to him a few times in his life, but he was someone who you could look at and truly see the thumb print of God upon. He had a desire to serve the Lord and a passion to reach lost souls. In fact, it was prophecied upon him time and time again that he would bring a multitude of people to know the Lord. THIS is why his wife believes he will be raised. She felt that these prophetic words that were shared with him by various people were the promises of God in his life. However, the promise was not fulfilled...and God doesn't lie...so surely God would bring him back to live out the promise.
When I saw her faith and persistence as she prayed, my heart ached. Could she be right? Could God bring him back? Or was she delusional? Finally, I saw a videotaping of someone sharing a prophetic word with him. In this taping, God told him (through a woman of God) that he "would bring reconciliation to the nations...to the nations of Ishmael." When I heard this, I kept analyzing that sentence over and over and over. A part of me thought perhaps, his life and death would impact many lives...and through those lives others would be touched. Perhaps THAT is how the reconciliation of nations will take place. But, what if he were to be raised? The prophecy would definitely come to pass then too! Why is it so hard for me to imagine him being raised?
I know that in the New Testament, Jesus rose Lazarus from the dead. According to scripture, "Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever." I began to do some research on the topic and I realized that it has happened in present times too. It's not a phenomenon. So, I started questioning my faith. Why do I feel that God raising someone from the dead is a preposterous notion? Afterall, all He has to do is say one word. "Rise" So, I began to join in with the others who believe...and prayed that God's will be done...if it is to raise him...then I pray that God do so and prepare our hearts and minds for the miracle that would take place. And if it's to take him...that God would send the Spirit to comfort us...especially his wife.
This has caused a major uproar in the city. People are torn, rumors are flying, questions are being raised and faith is being questioned. The adults think that the youth that are praying for this to occur are certifiably crazy. They do not approve of the fact that many of the youth are meeting together and praying over this matter. My question is why? I think many are concerned of the appearance of things...many people in other states are looking at us as if we are nut jobs. My question is...who cares what others think? I think a lot of the older generation have forgotten how it feels to step out in faith...to throw caution to the wind...and get radical for Christ. I think that if he is raised from the dead...there will be an outpouring of the holy spirit in this place...and a revival will take place. I would love for that to happen, but I know that whatever happens...God's will is perfect.
I've went over this whole situation in my mind time and time again...and I finally decided...
It's okay to pray about it...because the word says "in all things bring your prayers and supplications to the Lord."
It's not too big of a thing for the Lord to do because....."With God all things are possible."
It's also okay to believe that God will work a miracle. "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
But I also think that it's wrong if we question the Lord if His decision is to keep Shibu home with Him....because God's will is perfect... "Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will."
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Suecole Varitchie?...don't think so =/
People always tell me that I look familiar. I think I just have a really familiar face. Most of the time people tell me that I look like a teacher they know. I can see how that would happen. I dress like a teacher. This is not a fact I'm proud of. But every attempt to purchase something fashionable results in another "teachery" outfit. So, being compared to a teacher is not something that shocks me.
I also hear this a lot..."Do you know so-and-so? She reminds me of you!!" So-and-so is typically another chubby, curly-headed Indian chick. This too makes sense to me....because that's what I am (but not for long.) =) Sometimes I don't know so-and-so, but I'll ask...is she chubby? The person will hesitantly say yes, but then break out into this schpeel of that NOT being the reason that I remind them so much of so-and-so. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Then there are the celebrity comparisons...like Rosie O'Donnell. My friends think I'm a dead ringer...According to them, it's not just my looks but my personality? Wha??? I'm not a homosexual who has mad crush on Tom Cruise, loves new york, and cracks a few funnies once in a while. Err...but I guess I'm a heterosexual with a mad crush on Antonio Sabato, loves New York and cracks a few funnies once in a while. Close enough?? Obviously so.
My sweet niece, Marissa tells me I remind of her Raven Simone. Yah, I just don't get that one. I don't have her style, her figure, her looks, her talent...but whatever...it tickles me pink that that lil' sweetheart watches "That's so Raven" and is reminded of me.
Another one I don't really get is when my cousin Reggie told me that I looked like a bird. A bird? Like Big Bird or a cardinal? He said I had a bird-like face. Last time I checked I didn't have beak. He assured me that this wasn't an insult...Hmm..a compliment? I'll try to think about how that would be flattering.
But yesterday, I got THE most flattering comparison ever. I think it's flattering anyways...and I guess that's all that matters. "Hoo", also known as the BC's groundskeeper called me and said, "I finally know who you look like." I took a deep breath and asked, "Who, Hoo?" and he said, "Nicole Ritchie" NICOLE RITCHIE? Are you sure?!? She's mad skinny! That's the best comparison everrrrrrrrrr! I personally think she's really cute and I look nothing like her! But hey...if he wants to think that I do...he can go right on ahead.
You know, that makes me wonder if different people see different things. Like do I see blue how you see blue? Or is the blue I see what you would see as black but you call black blue because it's blue to you although it's black to me. aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Flip-off frenzy...
The state of bewilderment caused by the events of this week has now passed. I am now officially okay...I got a full night of sleep last night, which means I am not confused, not fearful, not sad...I am okay and eager to see the will of God unfold before my eyes. I will update you all when the time is right...That being said, my randomness has returned to me...and I find myself able to post a nonsenical blog like I usually do.
Yesterday, I was flipped off three times in one day. Not just in one day...but in an hour span. In fact, 2 of the flip offs occurred within a minute of each other. Yes, I know...I was appalled too! I mean, I know I'm not the world's greatest driver, but come on people! So here's what happened. I was driving down the road and the light turns red. I have to stop right when I'm in front of an entrance to Walmart. The guy in the opposite lane wants to turn left in front of me. The guy in my lane wants to turn right behind me...and I'm right in the middle. If I scoot up, the guy behind me can turn, but the guy in front of me can't. If I scoot back the guy in front of me can turn but the guy behind me can't. So, I just didn't move in order to be fair to both guys.. Unfortunately the car directly in front of me scooted up, giving the guy in the other lane a wee bit of room to turn left into walmart. he had to squeeze through by the plaque of teeth. When he did, he looked at me and flipped me off because I didn't move back. Apparently the guy behind me was pissed off because the other guy turned and he didn't, so he honked at me to scoot up, flipped me off, and then sign languaged to me that he was trying to turn (which probably wasn't the real sign languaged form of "i need to turn" because it consisted of him using his flip off finger to point towards walmart.)
After those 2 flip offs, I felt a little wounded. Would it really hurt people to CALM down and be patient? It's not like that light would be red forever. I mean in a few minutes it would be green and both of them could have been on their merry walmart way. Why did I have to block walmart? if I blocked target, I'm quite sure I would have gone on...flip-off-free....but no, the ex-cons HAD to get to walmart immediately!
Then, I went to braum's (an icecream and burger joint) for my bro. I pulled into the parking lot as this girl was leaving the drivethru. Suddenly she was driving down the parking lot on my side...Why she didn't just keep going straight on her side...I will never know. But it was like suddenly she was in the mood to play chicken in the braum's parking lot. of course, i moved...but she flipped me off anyway...as if she was queen of the parking lot or something.
After that flip off, I just pulled into a parking space and sat in my car for a minute...thinking about why people are so angry and harsh. I wanted to get a single scoop of german chocolate to comfort me, but I resisted the temptation and went about on my way. It's times like this when I wish my car could go into fly mode...but my poor little CRV barely moves in drive mode...so i don't ever see it flying.
Yesterday, I was flipped off three times in one day. Not just in one day...but in an hour span. In fact, 2 of the flip offs occurred within a minute of each other. Yes, I know...I was appalled too! I mean, I know I'm not the world's greatest driver, but come on people! So here's what happened. I was driving down the road and the light turns red. I have to stop right when I'm in front of an entrance to Walmart. The guy in the opposite lane wants to turn left in front of me. The guy in my lane wants to turn right behind me...and I'm right in the middle. If I scoot up, the guy behind me can turn, but the guy in front of me can't. If I scoot back the guy in front of me can turn but the guy behind me can't. So, I just didn't move in order to be fair to both guys.. Unfortunately the car directly in front of me scooted up, giving the guy in the other lane a wee bit of room to turn left into walmart. he had to squeeze through by the plaque of teeth. When he did, he looked at me and flipped me off because I didn't move back. Apparently the guy behind me was pissed off because the other guy turned and he didn't, so he honked at me to scoot up, flipped me off, and then sign languaged to me that he was trying to turn (which probably wasn't the real sign languaged form of "i need to turn" because it consisted of him using his flip off finger to point towards walmart.)
After those 2 flip offs, I felt a little wounded. Would it really hurt people to CALM down and be patient? It's not like that light would be red forever. I mean in a few minutes it would be green and both of them could have been on their merry walmart way. Why did I have to block walmart? if I blocked target, I'm quite sure I would have gone on...flip-off-free....but no, the ex-cons HAD to get to walmart immediately!
Then, I went to braum's (an icecream and burger joint) for my bro. I pulled into the parking lot as this girl was leaving the drivethru. Suddenly she was driving down the parking lot on my side...Why she didn't just keep going straight on her side...I will never know. But it was like suddenly she was in the mood to play chicken in the braum's parking lot. of course, i moved...but she flipped me off anyway...as if she was queen of the parking lot or something.
After that flip off, I just pulled into a parking space and sat in my car for a minute...thinking about why people are so angry and harsh. I wanted to get a single scoop of german chocolate to comfort me, but I resisted the temptation and went about on my way. It's times like this when I wish my car could go into fly mode...but my poor little CRV barely moves in drive mode...so i don't ever see it flying.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Thoughts of a sleep deprived, mind boggled chica...
I haven't been blogging this week because I'm just seriously at a loss for words. The events of the past few days have my mind boggled...and it's only Tuesday. I've really had to ask myself some hard questions. Mainly...how do I view God? Does my view of Him stem from practical beliefs or from my faith?
I fear that writing about what is really going on right now will merely stir up a lot of unnecessary debate. And, I'm already having sleepless nights...so I don't want to stay awake fretting about what mysterious anons commented about...I have enough trouble falling asleep with out that!
However, I would like to put forth a question...Do you view God by what you see and feel? What you know to be true from what you read in the Bible? Or based on your faith...because you know the character of God?
I fear that writing about what is really going on right now will merely stir up a lot of unnecessary debate. And, I'm already having sleepless nights...so I don't want to stay awake fretting about what mysterious anons commented about...I have enough trouble falling asleep with out that!
However, I would like to put forth a question...Do you view God by what you see and feel? What you know to be true from what you read in the Bible? Or based on your faith...because you know the character of God?
Saturday, August 13, 2005
The question to ask is not "why"... but "how do we overcome?"
My day has been shaken by such grief that I can't even find the words to say. What is more painful is that my grief is but a minute fraction of the grief that someone else is feeling today. I think back to the moment I woke up...when things seemed so normal, and I would give anything to hold on to that feeling of normalcy. because now...just a few hours later...the sky is filled with dark clouds and it seems as if even nature is in mourning.
A few hours ago, I was pouting about being bored until I got a call that made my worries and problems seem so trivial. I was told that my friend's husband died today when he drown at a church picnic....trying to save a child who had swam out too far. Each word of this tragic news brought about more shock and more pain than the word before. I sat stunned for half an hour...in complete and utter disbelief. I just saw him last Saturday...he was preaching that night. He stood on stage with such conviction...as he preached a message..."Fear Not." His words moved me that night...I thought about him and his wife afterwards...and was happy that God anointed them with such a ministry. How could that same person be gone just a short week later...at the primetime in his life? He could have done so much more...
I think more than I mourn for him...i mourn for those he left behind. I know he is right where he wants to be...at the right hand of the Lord who he served so faithfully. How can I not be happy for him in that sense? But, my heart is filled with so much sadness when I think of his beautiful, young wife...who has to find a way to live on with out him. I can't imagine her feelings at this moment...I continuously pray for her...because only God can carry her through this time. In October, they would have been married two years...they had such a short time together, but I know it was filled with a lot of love.
Sometimes, I want to drop to my knees and scream out WHY...so loudly that my walls shake. But, what good would that do? I will never fully understand the ways of God. All I know is that He has a plan for us, his children...they are for good and not evil..to give us future and a hope. So asking why is the wrong question...the real question here is...how do we overcome?
A few hours ago, I was pouting about being bored until I got a call that made my worries and problems seem so trivial. I was told that my friend's husband died today when he drown at a church picnic....trying to save a child who had swam out too far. Each word of this tragic news brought about more shock and more pain than the word before. I sat stunned for half an hour...in complete and utter disbelief. I just saw him last Saturday...he was preaching that night. He stood on stage with such conviction...as he preached a message..."Fear Not." His words moved me that night...I thought about him and his wife afterwards...and was happy that God anointed them with such a ministry. How could that same person be gone just a short week later...at the primetime in his life? He could have done so much more...
I think more than I mourn for him...i mourn for those he left behind. I know he is right where he wants to be...at the right hand of the Lord who he served so faithfully. How can I not be happy for him in that sense? But, my heart is filled with so much sadness when I think of his beautiful, young wife...who has to find a way to live on with out him. I can't imagine her feelings at this moment...I continuously pray for her...because only God can carry her through this time. In October, they would have been married two years...they had such a short time together, but I know it was filled with a lot of love.
Sometimes, I want to drop to my knees and scream out WHY...so loudly that my walls shake. But, what good would that do? I will never fully understand the ways of God. All I know is that He has a plan for us, his children...they are for good and not evil..to give us future and a hope. So asking why is the wrong question...the real question here is...how do we overcome?
Friday, August 12, 2005
Overcompensations
Last night on the way to the gym I saw a group of bikers on the road. The group was in front of me as we all waited at the stop light and one of the guys was revving his engine...senselessly making extra noise for no purpose. It wasn't just "rev, rev"...it was "rev, rev,rev,rev,rev,rev" ...you get the idea. I started looking at the situation a bit more closely and realized WHY this guy was revving so much. There was a beautiful blonde on the back of the bike next to him, and he was trying to get her attention. The chick didn't flinch. However, the man who she was with sure did. He looked at the revver and started laughing...probably because he knew the guy was trying to overcompensate. For what, you ask?? Not sure...but obviously SOMETHING.
This made me think about ways in which guys overcompensate for the areas in which they lack in their lives. We've all seen it...Like the bald guy who has no hair on the top of his head, but grows a ponytail at the back of his head because it's the only place that his hair grows? Why have a long tail growing down the back of your head, but have nothing on the top of it?? Overcompensation.
Here in Oklahoma we see big trucks often. The kind of truck where you need a step stool to get into it...and literally have to yell out "jeronimo" when you jump out. Yep, they usually take up two parking spaces and two lines in the highway. They make a man feel.... well ...*voice deepens* a lil' more manlier. It's always amusing to see who drives these trucks? The majority of the time, I'll see these guys at Walmart. They park at the end of the parking lot, so their trucks won't be in danger from door dingers. (not as if the average door could even reach the body of the truck to do that much damage!) I'll see the door open, and a little, short guy jump out. He'll do his manly routine...make a gruff sound in his throat, pull up his pants by the buckle, and mosey down towards the store. Why would such a tiny guy buy a massive truck? Overcompensation.
It just makes me chuckle...
This made me think about ways in which guys overcompensate for the areas in which they lack in their lives. We've all seen it...Like the bald guy who has no hair on the top of his head, but grows a ponytail at the back of his head because it's the only place that his hair grows? Why have a long tail growing down the back of your head, but have nothing on the top of it?? Overcompensation.
Here in Oklahoma we see big trucks often. The kind of truck where you need a step stool to get into it...and literally have to yell out "jeronimo" when you jump out. Yep, they usually take up two parking spaces and two lines in the highway. They make a man feel.... well ...*voice deepens* a lil' more manlier. It's always amusing to see who drives these trucks? The majority of the time, I'll see these guys at Walmart. They park at the end of the parking lot, so their trucks won't be in danger from door dingers. (not as if the average door could even reach the body of the truck to do that much damage!) I'll see the door open, and a little, short guy jump out. He'll do his manly routine...make a gruff sound in his throat, pull up his pants by the buckle, and mosey down towards the store. Why would such a tiny guy buy a massive truck? Overcompensation.
It just makes me chuckle...
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Crazy lil thing called love...
Last week, I was contemplating this thing called love as I debated love marriage vs. arranged marriage. I have friends who fell in love and are happily married despite the wears and tears that life causes and the added responsibility of children. I also have friends who went to India and married each other after a 30 minute conversation, they too have sustained happy marriages. I stopped for a moment to think about why I prefer falling in love before marriage opposed to falling in love after marriage...and while I was thinking about all this...I threw in the question..."what is love?"
Here's what I came up with: Please do remember that this is MY personal opinion, which pretty much counts for nothing in the larger scheme of things. I have this fear that if I marry someone somewhat compatible in hopes of loving him eventually...I might never find that love, and I'll be stuck in a loveless marriage. (because to me...marriage is for keeps) So that brings me to my next question?
What is love? I don't want to have some cheesy, romantic notion about love...because if that's my expectation, I might never find it. So, I thought about it...for days...and then yesterday, I saw the perfect example of love. I used to know this guy and back in his younger days he was the typical bachelor. But he wasn't a dumb guy who chose to be a player...he was just an overly smart guy who thought this love stuff was just hogwash...and marriage was just a piece of paper that bonded two people unneccesarily because it takes more than marriage to bond people. That is, until he found love. He's now married and expecting a baby...I talked to him for a good 20 minutes, and he never stopped smiling the entire time. THAT is how happy he is.
All that being said, I don't think I will ever truly be able to define love. But, as of right now, this is it what love entails (for me)....The person I love will be someone who opens my eyes to a new way of thought...brings out a different...better side of me. Someone who makes me think that the impossible, just might be possible. He'll listen to me talk about my dreams/goals/aspirations...and his eyes will light up with the same excitement as mine do...When I whine whimper, he'll do more than just be a shoulder to lean and say "there, there"...he'll grab me by the shoulders...if need be...and say buck up, be strong...and he'll encourage me. He'll remind me that God has a promise for our lives...and we must live every day accordingly. He's someone who would find a bead in his shoe and say, "you dropped a bead," and not..."these dumb beads are everywhere."... He'd even read the chick-lit short story I wrote...regardless of the fact he's strictly reads science fiction...He'll respect my interests...He's someone I can not only go to church with on Sundays...but who would do outreaches with me and have an interest to get involved with the things of God and be involved with the people of God. He's someone who would give my mom a hug when he sees her...not because he has to, but because he really wants to....and he'll be good to my friends because they're his friends too. Of course, he won't be perfect all the time...He'll have bad days when he's "mood out"...but on those days he'll let me encourage him and tell him to snap out of it if need be. He'd also ask me opinions on things...not just what tie to wear with his shirt, but what to stock to invest in and what to do when he's facing a problem or sticky situation. He's someone I can chuckle with...travel to new places with...someone I'd be happy to come home to....someone who brings a smile to my face...not just when he walks in the door...but every time I talk about him with my someone. He's someone I'd be proud of...even when he messes up...because I know he'll do the right thing.
Is that too much to ask? I don't think so...he's out there...somewhere!
Here's what I came up with: Please do remember that this is MY personal opinion, which pretty much counts for nothing in the larger scheme of things. I have this fear that if I marry someone somewhat compatible in hopes of loving him eventually...I might never find that love, and I'll be stuck in a loveless marriage. (because to me...marriage is for keeps) So that brings me to my next question?
What is love? I don't want to have some cheesy, romantic notion about love...because if that's my expectation, I might never find it. So, I thought about it...for days...and then yesterday, I saw the perfect example of love. I used to know this guy and back in his younger days he was the typical bachelor. But he wasn't a dumb guy who chose to be a player...he was just an overly smart guy who thought this love stuff was just hogwash...and marriage was just a piece of paper that bonded two people unneccesarily because it takes more than marriage to bond people. That is, until he found love. He's now married and expecting a baby...I talked to him for a good 20 minutes, and he never stopped smiling the entire time. THAT is how happy he is.
All that being said, I don't think I will ever truly be able to define love. But, as of right now, this is it what love entails (for me)....The person I love will be someone who opens my eyes to a new way of thought...brings out a different...better side of me. Someone who makes me think that the impossible, just might be possible. He'll listen to me talk about my dreams/goals/aspirations...and his eyes will light up with the same excitement as mine do...When I whine whimper, he'll do more than just be a shoulder to lean and say "there, there"...he'll grab me by the shoulders...if need be...and say buck up, be strong...and he'll encourage me. He'll remind me that God has a promise for our lives...and we must live every day accordingly. He's someone who would find a bead in his shoe and say, "you dropped a bead," and not..."these dumb beads are everywhere."... He'd even read the chick-lit short story I wrote...regardless of the fact he's strictly reads science fiction...He'll respect my interests...He's someone I can not only go to church with on Sundays...but who would do outreaches with me and have an interest to get involved with the things of God and be involved with the people of God. He's someone who would give my mom a hug when he sees her...not because he has to, but because he really wants to....and he'll be good to my friends because they're his friends too. Of course, he won't be perfect all the time...He'll have bad days when he's "mood out"...but on those days he'll let me encourage him and tell him to snap out of it if need be. He'd also ask me opinions on things...not just what tie to wear with his shirt, but what to stock to invest in and what to do when he's facing a problem or sticky situation. He's someone I can chuckle with...travel to new places with...someone I'd be happy to come home to....someone who brings a smile to my face...not just when he walks in the door...but every time I talk about him with my someone. He's someone I'd be proud of...even when he messes up...because I know he'll do the right thing.
Is that too much to ask? I don't think so...he's out there...somewhere!
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
I'm trippin!...(down memory lane)
I'm having a nostalgic moment... Monday was my friend Sherry's birthday, so I'm taking her out to dinner tonight. We have been friends for 18 years. A. that makes me feel blessed and B. that makes me feel old!! We met when we were in 7th grade and have been friends ever since. We had many misadventures all through out junior high and high school. Basically she was the white version of me and strangely enough, our teachers used to get us mixed up. I'd get her bad grades and she'd get my good grades all because of mistaken identity. She also suffered with me when the cowboys were out for some lil injun' blood. It was guilt by association. One morning we were walking to class and found them waiting in front of the building. They pummeled us into the snow...aahhh, the memories. =/
then we finally graduated...and we were off to college. we never dormed together, but we did car pool. sherry was the girl who helped me get over my fear of highway driving...and now i find it enjoyable and sometimes theraputic at times. we arrived at uco with band scholarships...and then are band geekdom commenced. we discovered that college band was worse than high school band...at least the latter was fun. but in college our uniforms were dorkier, the football games were lamer, and we did concerts in small towns like Pawhuska, Oklahoma. where and what the hell is that? I've been there and still don't know. we didn't do a great job of making friends that year...but we formed our own sherry and susan secret society where we nicknamed all the band geek strangers around us.
ghosty was our band director. his real name was dr. howell, but we called him ghosty because he looked like the ghost on the subway in the movie ghost. then there was denise...i have no idea what her real name was but we called her denise, or da-knees rather...because she had a wad of fat by her knees and that fat was always showing because she wore the shortest tightest shorts!! then there was david, the guy was a dead ringer for this kid named david who went to elementary school with me. but eventually, i learned that david's real name was ben...and he is now sherry's husband of 7 years!! finally there was Sigma Tau Gamma, or ETT as Sherry and I called him. He was the hottest frat boy in the band...Sherry didn't notice him at first, but I did. He sat across from me and played trumpet. He had long, blonde locks and looked ever-so-fine. Sherry didn't notice him till months later when he cut his hair and looked even hotter than before. I admitted I didn't point him out earlier because I didn't feel like sharing my eye candy. ;)
and now, 18 years later...we hardly see each other...call each other every few weeks...but when we do get together, it's like nothing's ever changed. We pick up where we left off...and the friendship is comfortable and familiar. We're on two different galaxies right now..she's a stay at home mom...and i'm a...yah, i'm not so sure what i am....but regardless we're definitely not on the same page. But, it doesn't matter...because we respect each other...and care for each other...and I'm positive that 18 years from now...when i'm old and decrepid...I'll be writing another tribute to her on her 49th birthday.
then we finally graduated...and we were off to college. we never dormed together, but we did car pool. sherry was the girl who helped me get over my fear of highway driving...and now i find it enjoyable and sometimes theraputic at times. we arrived at uco with band scholarships...and then are band geekdom commenced. we discovered that college band was worse than high school band...at least the latter was fun. but in college our uniforms were dorkier, the football games were lamer, and we did concerts in small towns like Pawhuska, Oklahoma. where and what the hell is that? I've been there and still don't know. we didn't do a great job of making friends that year...but we formed our own sherry and susan secret society where we nicknamed all the band geek strangers around us.
ghosty was our band director. his real name was dr. howell, but we called him ghosty because he looked like the ghost on the subway in the movie ghost. then there was denise...i have no idea what her real name was but we called her denise, or da-knees rather...because she had a wad of fat by her knees and that fat was always showing because she wore the shortest tightest shorts!! then there was david, the guy was a dead ringer for this kid named david who went to elementary school with me. but eventually, i learned that david's real name was ben...and he is now sherry's husband of 7 years!! finally there was Sigma Tau Gamma, or ETT as Sherry and I called him. He was the hottest frat boy in the band...Sherry didn't notice him at first, but I did. He sat across from me and played trumpet. He had long, blonde locks and looked ever-so-fine. Sherry didn't notice him till months later when he cut his hair and looked even hotter than before. I admitted I didn't point him out earlier because I didn't feel like sharing my eye candy. ;)
and now, 18 years later...we hardly see each other...call each other every few weeks...but when we do get together, it's like nothing's ever changed. We pick up where we left off...and the friendship is comfortable and familiar. We're on two different galaxies right now..she's a stay at home mom...and i'm a...yah, i'm not so sure what i am....but regardless we're definitely not on the same page. But, it doesn't matter...because we respect each other...and care for each other...and I'm positive that 18 years from now...when i'm old and decrepid...I'll be writing another tribute to her on her 49th birthday.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
I love these dern surveys...
1. What is your full name? SusanWee
2. What color pants are you wearing? Pink sweat crop pants
3. What are you listening to right now? The whirl of my ceiling fan
4. What's the last thing you ate? homemade pizza
5. Do you wish on stars? no, i don't believe in that hocus pocus
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? pink
7. How is the weather right now? friggin hot. i fell asleep in my car at lunch and i think i suffered some form of mild heat stroke.
8. Last person you talked to on the phone? my BF
9. Do you like the person who sent you this? I stole it from Snuk..and yes, she's my buddy
10. How old are you today? 30...and flirty! ;)...ok, not so much.
11. Favorite drink? these days, water...in the good ol days...coke on the rocks
12. Favorite sport? baseball and any other sport jeter plays.
13. Hair color? blackish brown
14. Do you wear contacts? no, i can't figure out how to put them in
15. Siblings? sister and bro
17. Favorite food? pepperoni pizza
18. Dream vacation? partying hardy in NYC!!
19. Last movie you watched? sisterhood of the traveling pants
20. Favorite day of year? valentine's day..i have no idea why
21. What do you do to vent anger? these days...run
22. What was your favorite toy as a child? baby come back.
23. Summer or winter? fall
24. Do you want your friends to email back? i kidding me? i know better
25. Who is most likely to respond? me
27. Living arrangements? with the maternal unit
28. When was the last time you cried? i don't cry...i'm a rock
29. What is under your bed? God only knows
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Sherry Lou...19 years!
31. What did you do last night? ran and came home...
32. Favorite smell? a man's cologne and cigarette smoke mixed. yes, i'm sick.
33. What are you afraid of? i fear no evil...for thou art with me
34. Plain, buttered, or salted popcorn? Buttered and salted
35. Favorite car? Acura RS
36. Favorite flower? Tulips
37. Number of keys on your ring? 3
38. How many years at your current job? 6 horrendous years..but i'm blessed with a job. thank u Jesus.
39. Can you juggle? i think so
40. Favorite day of the week? saturday..no worries
41. What did you do on your last birthday? habitat for humanity
42. How many states have you lived in? 3
43. How many cities have you lived in? 5
44. How many countries have you lived in? 1
45. How many cars have you had? 3
46. What's for dinner tonight? homemade pizza
47. If you got one do over in your life what would it be? if i did somethin over...i wouldn't be me.
48. What religion are you? Christian
2. What color pants are you wearing? Pink sweat crop pants
3. What are you listening to right now? The whirl of my ceiling fan
4. What's the last thing you ate? homemade pizza
5. Do you wish on stars? no, i don't believe in that hocus pocus
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? pink
7. How is the weather right now? friggin hot. i fell asleep in my car at lunch and i think i suffered some form of mild heat stroke.
8. Last person you talked to on the phone? my BF
9. Do you like the person who sent you this? I stole it from Snuk..and yes, she's my buddy
10. How old are you today? 30...and flirty! ;)...ok, not so much.
11. Favorite drink? these days, water...in the good ol days...coke on the rocks
12. Favorite sport? baseball and any other sport jeter plays.
13. Hair color? blackish brown
14. Do you wear contacts? no, i can't figure out how to put them in
15. Siblings? sister and bro
17. Favorite food? pepperoni pizza
18. Dream vacation? partying hardy in NYC!!
19. Last movie you watched? sisterhood of the traveling pants
20. Favorite day of year? valentine's day..i have no idea why
21. What do you do to vent anger? these days...run
22. What was your favorite toy as a child? baby come back.
23. Summer or winter? fall
24. Do you want your friends to email back? i kidding me? i know better
25. Who is most likely to respond? me
27. Living arrangements? with the maternal unit
28. When was the last time you cried? i don't cry...i'm a rock
29. What is under your bed? God only knows
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Sherry Lou...19 years!
31. What did you do last night? ran and came home...
32. Favorite smell? a man's cologne and cigarette smoke mixed. yes, i'm sick.
33. What are you afraid of? i fear no evil...for thou art with me
34. Plain, buttered, or salted popcorn? Buttered and salted
35. Favorite car? Acura RS
36. Favorite flower? Tulips
37. Number of keys on your ring? 3
38. How many years at your current job? 6 horrendous years..but i'm blessed with a job. thank u Jesus.
39. Can you juggle? i think so
40. Favorite day of the week? saturday..no worries
41. What did you do on your last birthday? habitat for humanity
42. How many states have you lived in? 3
43. How many cities have you lived in? 5
44. How many countries have you lived in? 1
45. How many cars have you had? 3
46. What's for dinner tonight? homemade pizza
47. If you got one do over in your life what would it be? if i did somethin over...i wouldn't be me.
48. What religion are you? Christian
Monday, August 08, 2005
Curly or Straight...the great debate...
I woke up late this morning...as i usually do on Monday mornings...and I had 30 minutes to get ready. My hair had to be washed...but no time for styling. It was then that I had a moment of realization...an epiphany of sorts...and I sighed with great relief as I thought, "thank God for curly hair!"
For the first five glorious years of my life, i had silky, straight hair. I'm not sure what happened but it went from straight to wavy and wavy to insane curls. I hated my hair and mourned for the silky straightness. I blamed it on Oklahoma water...because it didn't go completely curly till i moved to this treacherous place! However, I know that it has little to do with Oklahoma and a lot to do with my father.
My pops had the funniest curly hair. I would often try to comb his curls straight and place a barette in it to pull it back. However his curls would just pop out of the barette like a spring and form a perfect curl on top of his head. This is apparently who I can thank for the mop I now possess.
Then came the straight iron...It has been the answered prayer of every naturally curly haired kid! I almost get some sick sort of pleasure when I glide the machine across my curly lock and watch the steam arise from my frying strands as it miraculously becomes straight. However, lately the process seems to be very tiring. It's so much easier to jump out of the shower...towel dry my hair...put some mousse in it and be done!
Most people I talk to with curly hair want it straight...and those with straight hair love the curls...rarely...very rarely do i meet someone who is perfectly happy with their hair. i guess it's the "grass is greener on the other side" effect. i for one would love to have long, silky black straight hair, however...i only try to achieve that look on very special occasions. it's way too much work for me to handle on a daily basis. this girl's got curls...and i'm tired of fighting it. =/
Friday, August 05, 2005
My stuffstore of choice...
There aren't exactly a plethura of stores here in Okc where you can buy stuff. By "stuff" I mean those highly necessary things we use every day like deoderant, toothpaste, nailpolish, hair clippies, face cream, stationary, pens, and the most important thing...candy. =)
I don't like the idea of going to Sams, the wholesale warehouse. I think the whole membership card bit is highly annoying. This could be because I don't have one...and if I did, I'm sure I'd lose it. Secondly, you can't use anyone else's card. Like me sister wanted to use her husbands...she had to register and pay for her own. To me, that just seems silly. Shouldn't they have a family discount? One card for the whole family? Regardless of the whole membership card gripe, I still wouldn't go to Sams because you have to buy in bulk. I'm sure this works out great for some people...but not me. Lets take cereal for instance. By the time I eat 2 boxes of the same kind of cereal...I'm ready to move on. Give me some flavor in life...I can't eat 5 boxes of the same cereal!! (actually, I could if it was golden grahms or fruity pebbles...hmmm, or apple jacks...but i'm just trying to make a point here.)
So, now that you see why I can't shop at Sams for "stuff"...I can move on to discuss my remaining two alternatives. One is Target and the other is WalMart. I love Target...I really do. Every once in a while I can find a really cute skirt or two or a great bargain on a pair of pants! They also have really cute shoes...Oh, and of course they have all that "stuff" that I mentioned earlier. However, "stuff" is over-priced there. (clothes aren't..but "stuff" is.) Not to mention...Super Target, is for yuppies. I am convinced of this. Do not try to tell me otherwise. I have carried out an investigation and my hypothesis has been proven, so now in my mind this an 100% factual statement. Every single freaking time I go in that derned store...I see yuppy couples shopping or stay-at-home yuppy moms with their kids. In fact, by the time I leave...I feel quite depressed because I sometimes long to have "yuppy status."
Walmart happens to be my store of choice. CCL says she never goes to Walmart (she's a Target yuppy) because you could possibly stand in line for the check out and be rubbing up against some ex-con. This could possibly be accurate at some Walmart locations. Perhaps I fit in better with ex-cons than yuppies because I feel so at home there. In fact, it's safe to say that a large percentage of my time is actually spent at WalMart. A friend sadly pointed this out to me when she came to okc and noticed that much of my stories revolve around WalMart. She said, "SusanVee, I think you spend too much time at WalMart." This is when it hit me like a ton of bricks...I do! I also spend too much money there buying "stuff." I'm not as bad as some of the kids cousin Krissy noted in McAlester, Oklahoma when she lived there for a short time. She said that town was so dead the kids would go to WalMart on Friday nights and walk around as if it was a mall. =/
So what's your "stuffstore" of choice?
I don't like the idea of going to Sams, the wholesale warehouse. I think the whole membership card bit is highly annoying. This could be because I don't have one...and if I did, I'm sure I'd lose it. Secondly, you can't use anyone else's card. Like me sister wanted to use her husbands...she had to register and pay for her own. To me, that just seems silly. Shouldn't they have a family discount? One card for the whole family? Regardless of the whole membership card gripe, I still wouldn't go to Sams because you have to buy in bulk. I'm sure this works out great for some people...but not me. Lets take cereal for instance. By the time I eat 2 boxes of the same kind of cereal...I'm ready to move on. Give me some flavor in life...I can't eat 5 boxes of the same cereal!! (actually, I could if it was golden grahms or fruity pebbles...hmmm, or apple jacks...but i'm just trying to make a point here.)
So, now that you see why I can't shop at Sams for "stuff"...I can move on to discuss my remaining two alternatives. One is Target and the other is WalMart. I love Target...I really do. Every once in a while I can find a really cute skirt or two or a great bargain on a pair of pants! They also have really cute shoes...Oh, and of course they have all that "stuff" that I mentioned earlier. However, "stuff" is over-priced there. (clothes aren't..but "stuff" is.) Not to mention...Super Target, is for yuppies. I am convinced of this. Do not try to tell me otherwise. I have carried out an investigation and my hypothesis has been proven, so now in my mind this an 100% factual statement. Every single freaking time I go in that derned store...I see yuppy couples shopping or stay-at-home yuppy moms with their kids. In fact, by the time I leave...I feel quite depressed because I sometimes long to have "yuppy status."
Walmart happens to be my store of choice. CCL says she never goes to Walmart (she's a Target yuppy) because you could possibly stand in line for the check out and be rubbing up against some ex-con. This could possibly be accurate at some Walmart locations. Perhaps I fit in better with ex-cons than yuppies because I feel so at home there. In fact, it's safe to say that a large percentage of my time is actually spent at WalMart. A friend sadly pointed this out to me when she came to okc and noticed that much of my stories revolve around WalMart. She said, "SusanVee, I think you spend too much time at WalMart." This is when it hit me like a ton of bricks...I do! I also spend too much money there buying "stuff." I'm not as bad as some of the kids cousin Krissy noted in McAlester, Oklahoma when she lived there for a short time. She said that town was so dead the kids would go to WalMart on Friday nights and walk around as if it was a mall. =/
So what's your "stuffstore" of choice?
Thursday, August 04, 2005
The downs of riding an elevator....
I guess I'm becoming more crabby in my old age...I'm starting to remind myself of Dorothy Szpornak from the Golden Girls. Before things like this wouldn't affect me because I'd never notice them...now they jump out at me and annoy me like no other! Below are my list of downers when it comes to riding the elevator...
#1 People who go up or down one floor. I can understand this if their hands are full, and they can't open the door to the stairwell... or if they physically can't walk for whatever reason...but if that's not the case, WALK! I think the most annoying thing is watching someone get in and then get off a floor later. I mean aren't they embarrassed about their own laziness?
#2 Riding down the elevator at 4:45 (quitting time) from the top floor is always entertaining. (Not) I stop at every friggin floor and watch pile in. Did i say pile? I meant herd in...squeeze in...to where my boobs are smashed against someone's back because stupid people can't wait 60 seconds to take the next elevator!!!
#3 What's even more annoying about the annoyance above is that by the time we get to the third floor...and the door opens...and the person waiting for the elevator sees that it is jam packed...he/she has a pissed off scowl. So sorry we didn't have room for you, princess. Why not take your happy butt to the stairwell and just walk down two floors?!
#4 How about those people who are so in a rush to get in the elevator, that they can't wait for you to get out?! Grrrr! The door opens, and I'm trying to get out, but basically kiss the person trying to get in because they're looking down not up...and don't seem to see the feet walking towards them that is trying to get the hellz outta the elevator. Yah, that's one of my favorites. "I'm sorry (hardy, har, har) I didn't see you." You didn't see me? Are you not only dumb but legally blind?
#5 Finally there's the akward silence that fills the space when you're riding the elevator with someone you don't know. That 60 seconds to the top floor seems to take an eternity as you intently stare at the floor indicators light up as you pass each floor...as if it's your job to make sure each indicator is lighted properly. Finally, the person gets off...and its' a relief...I typically roll my eyes from the sheer exasperation of having to deal with being akwardly silent for a few moments.
#1 People who go up or down one floor. I can understand this if their hands are full, and they can't open the door to the stairwell... or if they physically can't walk for whatever reason...but if that's not the case, WALK! I think the most annoying thing is watching someone get in and then get off a floor later. I mean aren't they embarrassed about their own laziness?
#2 Riding down the elevator at 4:45 (quitting time) from the top floor is always entertaining. (Not) I stop at every friggin floor and watch pile in. Did i say pile? I meant herd in...squeeze in...to where my boobs are smashed against someone's back because stupid people can't wait 60 seconds to take the next elevator!!!
#3 What's even more annoying about the annoyance above is that by the time we get to the third floor...and the door opens...and the person waiting for the elevator sees that it is jam packed...he/she has a pissed off scowl. So sorry we didn't have room for you, princess. Why not take your happy butt to the stairwell and just walk down two floors?!
#4 How about those people who are so in a rush to get in the elevator, that they can't wait for you to get out?! Grrrr! The door opens, and I'm trying to get out, but basically kiss the person trying to get in because they're looking down not up...and don't seem to see the feet walking towards them that is trying to get the hellz outta the elevator. Yah, that's one of my favorites. "I'm sorry (hardy, har, har) I didn't see you." You didn't see me? Are you not only dumb but legally blind?
#5 Finally there's the akward silence that fills the space when you're riding the elevator with someone you don't know. That 60 seconds to the top floor seems to take an eternity as you intently stare at the floor indicators light up as you pass each floor...as if it's your job to make sure each indicator is lighted properly. Finally, the person gets off...and its' a relief...I typically roll my eyes from the sheer exasperation of having to deal with being akwardly silent for a few moments.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
The unsolved mystery....
I'm completely baffled at the moment. I went to the post office for lunch...and I had a little orange note in my box that said I had a parcel to pick up. I thought that was highly strange since I hadn't ordered anything on line...nor I did I expect anyone to send me anything. When I got my parcel, I checked the box for the return address. The plot merely thickened when I noticed the box was indeed addressed to me, however the from address was from a company called bigapple online. "Hmm...the city I love is sending me a present?" This was my initial thought. I ripped open the box to find a box for a fossil watch. "Surely that's not what's inside," I thought. I opened the little box and indeed there was a beautiful watch inside. I rummaged through the packaging peanuts to see if perhaps there was a note. All I found was a business card from Bigappleonline, which said, "thank you for your order from ebay." Now, I was completely perplexed!!! I hadn't ordered anything from ebay since 2002!! I haven't even visited the website...or looked at watches...because I still have my Kenneth Cole that I ordered from ebay several years ago. I don't even remember my ebay sign on or password. Furthermore, when you order something from ebay they send you a receipt in with your package with your item number it. There was no sign of that in the box either.
I'm completely STUMPED! So, I have emailed the company to see if I can get the name of the person who actually made this purchase since it is obviously not me. This mystery is driving me all sorts of crazy!!!
I'm completely STUMPED! So, I have emailed the company to see if I can get the name of the person who actually made this purchase since it is obviously not me. This mystery is driving me all sorts of crazy!!!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
I'm like an Onion and Ogre...I've got many layers.
Name: Sue
Birthdate: 10/6/74 (oldddd)
Birthplace: Chicago, Illinois
Current Location: Choklahoma Shity, Choklahoma
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Brown
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Libra
LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Heritage : Indian
Shoes you wore today: Brown Sandals
Your weaknesses : food
Your fears: not feeling fulfilled in life
Your perfect pizza : Pepperoni & mushrooms with extra cheese
LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your most overused phrase : Bout done there?
Last thoughts before sleep: I wish I didn't have work tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up : I wish I didn't have to go to work today
Yourbestfeature: lashes
Your worst feature: everything else
Your bedtime: 10
Your most missed memory: childhood memories with my pops
LAYER FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : coke
McDonald's or Burger King: McD's
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea : Lipton.
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate!!
Cappuccino or coffee : Cappuccino
LAYER FIVE: Do You?
Smoke Pot : not this week
Cuss: like a sailor
Sing : nope, i lip sync
In love: i wish
Liked high school : oh hellz yah...funnest time of my life!
Believe in yourself: yes
Get motion sickness : yes, everytime i fly!
Think you're attractive: when i try to be
Think you're a health freak : getting that way
Get along with your parents: sometimes
Like thunderstorms : i sleep through them
Play an instrument: clarinet, piano, and tamobourine...none of them well
LAYER SIX: In the past month have you...
Drank alcohol: geez, just a few sips
Made Out: not while i was awake! aaaaaaaaahahaha
Gone on a date: nope
Gone to the mall?: yess
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: i wish
Been on stage: no, i try to avoid that area
Gone skating: no
Gone skinny dipping: do i want to scare the fish?
Dyed your hair :yes
Stolen anything: nope
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: uhm, no.
Been caught "doing something": doing what?
LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
Age you hope to be married: 25, I think i'm a bit late
Describe your dream wedding : that's not a good question to ask me. it could takes months for me to explain.
How do you want to die: in my sleep
What do you want to be when you grow up : write
What country would you most like to visit: Italy
LAYER NINE: In The Numbers...
Number of drugs taken illegally : 0
Number of CDs that I own: 0
Number of tattoos : 0
Number of times my name has appeared in a Newspaper/Magazine: 3
Number of scars on my body : 1 huge one
Birthdate: 10/6/74 (oldddd)
Birthplace: Chicago, Illinois
Current Location: Choklahoma Shity, Choklahoma
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Brown
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Libra
LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Heritage : Indian
Shoes you wore today: Brown Sandals
Your weaknesses : food
Your fears: not feeling fulfilled in life
Your perfect pizza : Pepperoni & mushrooms with extra cheese
LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your most overused phrase : Bout done there?
Last thoughts before sleep: I wish I didn't have work tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up : I wish I didn't have to go to work today
Yourbestfeature: lashes
Your worst feature: everything else
Your bedtime: 10
Your most missed memory: childhood memories with my pops
LAYER FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : coke
McDonald's or Burger King: McD's
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea : Lipton.
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate!!
Cappuccino or coffee : Cappuccino
LAYER FIVE: Do You?
Smoke Pot : not this week
Cuss: like a sailor
Sing : nope, i lip sync
In love: i wish
Liked high school : oh hellz yah...funnest time of my life!
Believe in yourself: yes
Get motion sickness : yes, everytime i fly!
Think you're attractive: when i try to be
Think you're a health freak : getting that way
Get along with your parents: sometimes
Like thunderstorms : i sleep through them
Play an instrument: clarinet, piano, and tamobourine...none of them well
LAYER SIX: In the past month have you...
Drank alcohol: geez, just a few sips
Made Out: not while i was awake! aaaaaaaaahahaha
Gone on a date: nope
Gone to the mall?: yess
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: i wish
Been on stage: no, i try to avoid that area
Gone skating: no
Gone skinny dipping: do i want to scare the fish?
Dyed your hair :yes
Stolen anything: nope
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: uhm, no.
Been caught "doing something": doing what?
LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
Age you hope to be married: 25, I think i'm a bit late
Describe your dream wedding : that's not a good question to ask me. it could takes months for me to explain.
How do you want to die: in my sleep
What do you want to be when you grow up : write
What country would you most like to visit: Italy
LAYER NINE: In The Numbers...
Number of drugs taken illegally : 0
Number of CDs that I own: 0
Number of tattoos : 0
Number of times my name has appeared in a Newspaper/Magazine: 3
Number of scars on my body : 1 huge one
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