It was second hour. The kids in my 7th grade honors English class were a bit rowdier than usual. I think it was their attempt to make our teacher, Mrs. Adams suffer the way she made us suffer by sitting through her lectures on Greek Mythology. She had just settled the class down when there was a knock at the door. The 7th grade counselor needed to excuse someone from class. That someone was me. I knew at that moment, but ignored reality as I followed her down the hall that led to her office. When I reached the office and saw my older cousin waiting for me with a sullen face, I knew, but ignored it. When I returned to my class to gather my books and saw my obnoxiously loud peers struck silent...some with tear-stained faces, I knew, but ignored it. And when I climbed into the back seat of my car and sat next to my older brother, who for the first and last time in my life took my hand in his, I knew, but ignored it. I ignored reality until the moment I was forced to accept...when I saw my father laying on the hospital bed with no smile on his face, no light in his eyes, and no life in his body.
Twenty years later, the surge of pain I felt at the moment when I was thrust into reality, is still fresh. They say that time heals all wounds, but it doesn't. Time gives you the ability to learn to cope.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
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5 comments:
20 years later and I can read from your words how raw the emotion is and how deeply the pain still runs. You are right about learning to cope, being forced to. As you prepare for wonderful things, I know your Daddy is looking down on heaven and SO proud of his legacy that lives through you.
i cant begin to understand your hurt but im glad you are able to cope and keep going. its defly what he would have wanted for you and is beaming with pride for what you are becoming and who you are!
Sue, I know how you feel. I lost my Dad on Feb. 28, 1988 and my Mom on Nov. 9, 1991. I remember in the early days of grieving, I couldn’t conceive of the thought that someday the pain will pass into a modicum of living as usual. Even after 19 years the hole in the soul, a hurtful, empty place is still there. I know in my heart they are gone to live with the Lord, and in that knowledge come peace to my heart. For I know one day I will see them again. And I can't wait to tell them about the new additions and achievements in our family.
Take care little sister.
*hugs*
14 years as your cousin and still I don't know what to say except I'm sorry and I'm sorry I never got to know your daddy. I think he and i would have gotten along like best of friends. :) I love you Sue.
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