Throughout the past five years, the vast majority of people I know have gotten married. It seems like this five year period can be classified as the marriage rush. Now, the baby rush is beginning. Every time I turn around I hear someone's pregnant or just had their baby. My cousin Lisa is due any day now...and Cousin Sue will be following in a month or two. It's been very cute to see those two toothpicks pudgy and pregnant at the same time. Y'day my first boss at AF announced that she too is having a baby. She's single and in her 40's, but her bundle of joy is coming to her via an adoption. She couldn't be happier. And then...I hear about Britney Spears!!!
At 30, you'd think my proverbial "clock" would be ticking. I think I've pulled out the batteries. When I'm with my friend Sherry and her two babies, I'm in awe of her patience. She never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and now she's thriving in that role. I tell her that I seriously don't think I'm cut out for motherhood. Screaming kids would put me over the edge of insanity. I think being single for so long has made me self-centered. It's a bit scarey. When I graduated highschool at 17, I had my whole life planned out. I thought I'd be married by 25, start having kids, and then I'd stay home with my four kids and be a happy housewife. Now, I can't think of having more than one. Back then, I never thought about writing. I never knew what I really wanted to do.
Now, I look at life, and it is so utterly different than what I so naively expected it to be. It's really easy to ponder on the dreams of my past and feel sad about the things that weren't meant to be. But, I accept that sometimes what we want for our own lives don't align with what God wants for our lives. No matter how much I am tempted, I can't question Him on why I ended up differently than those who are closest to me. I just have to take the good with the bad...the happy with the sad...and trust taht God will reveal all His plans in His perfect time...and then, it will all make sense.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
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1 comment:
I think you'd make a great mommy. You ARE patient and kind and understanding but most importantly you are supportive and you're kids would feel that support every step throughout their life. Plus, who are we kidding, you're so damn crafty!! You need to teach me some skills.
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