Christmas Day...

Christmas Day had a few unexpected surprises...today I noticed that my hair is starting to fall out.  I have to admit it was alarming to see that much hair coming off in clumps.  It's not like I have super thick hair as is, so I'm pretty territorial over what I do have.  I went through a pretty wide range of emotions....first astonishment, then fear, then sadness.  I never thought I'd be exempt from this side effect...I just didn't think it would happen so soon.

Although I love clothes, accessories, and make up...I don't consider myself vain or high maintenance in the least.  Obsessive compulsive, perhaps.  High maintenance, definitely not.  But, there's just something about my hair that I can't imagine living without.  I think that's definitely a girl thing.  A girl's hair is her crown.  A bad hair days means a bad day.  From the amount I saw falling out yesterday, I feel like this is going to happen fairly quickly.  A week...two at the most?   I didn't know this would happen in round one.  Now I'm just having to deal with this much sooner than I expected.

People are asking me about wigs vs. cool head covers and whether I want to let it all fall out vs. shaving it off.  I can't even wrap my head around the fact that MY HAIR IS FALLING OUT to even fully answer these questions.  But here are some of my thoughts...

A. I'm not sure a cool head cover has been invented just yet.  So I'm going to use all my creative powers to come up with some kind of cool option for the masses.  But until I come up with something, I've seen some cute hats that might suffice.

B. I haven't met a wig that I've ever liked.  I remember when my dad had chemo...He had this beautiful curly hair that he used to let me put barrettes in.  And then one day, it started falling out.  It was devastating to all of us.  Back then, guys didn't really walk around like Mr. Clean with their brain lines showing like they do now.  So I think my dad felt like he had to cover his head.  I can still picture that horrid thing...It was nothing like my dad's hair that was so full of his character...instead, it was black and straight and lifeless.  And ever since then, I've had this deep, seeded contempt for wigs.  I know wigs are totally different these days and there's a lot of amazing options.  I'm willing to explore them, but I'm just not 100% convinced that it's going to be my thing....I'm not even 50% convinced.

 

C.  Shaving my head...hmmm.  Lots of people have head shaving parties, so that they're surrounded by lots of love as they take the power of hair loss into their own hands.  Now, I've never been one to turn down having a good party.  The party planner in me has already mentally designed invitations...but realistically, I don't think I can muster up the strength to shave my head in the privacy of my bathroom...much less in front of a room full of people.

Basically, I have no idea how I'm going to handle this.  I don't know if all these thoughts I've shared will be the same way I feel tomorrow.  My thoughts and feelings are changing minute to minute these days.  I know it's just hair and it'll grow back, but it's still a major concern for me...as silly as it might seem.  At this moment, I'm pretty inconsolable about this...I have to handle it in my own time in my own way.  For now, this means...I have decided not to blow dry or straighten or add anymore unnecessary heat to my hair.  I want to protect all the hair I currently have. I've spent my entire life fighting my natural curls (which I  inherited from my dad), but now I'm going to just let them be free!!!  I also decided I'm going to take a lot of pics and post a lot of pics here on the blog, so I can look back and remember what I used to look like because I feel like before long I won't be recognizable.

That being said...pictures from Christmas!

Me, Miss, and Andrew...missing
Aaron!

Ansleykins

Ansleykins got me this amazing Notorious BIG shirt for Christmas!!!  This adds to my collection of Biggie shirts...but by far, it's my current favorite!!  

Me and my boy...Andrew overheard me having a conversation with my mom  about my hair falling out.  He asked me what we were talking about.  I felt like I should be honest with him.  This was hard for me to do because he's 12 now, and I was 11 when my dad was diagnosed.  So, I know how hard it is to watch all of this at a young age.  So I proceeded to tell him that my hair was starting to come out.  He had a few questions for me about my eyelashes and eyebrows.  I tried to explain that I didn't know exactly what all would fall out but that I will definitely look different.  He said super sweetly, "It's OK, Sue Aunty."
A few tears leaked out.

My mom &Aunt with my nephew & niece.  We grew up calling my Aunt, Molly Aunty...and then when my oldest nephew, Aaron was born, he combined Molly + Amachi and started calling her Mochi.  The name stuck and now everyone calls her Mochi....kinda like all my kiddos call me Sueny.

my cuzzies...Ashley, Wes, & Ansleykins

      

My Christmas Mantle...my coworkers brought over the S...with all my colleagues signatures with sweet messages...which happened to match my mantle perfectly!

Andrew and Missa's gingerbread house!