Weekend in review...

It was a beautiful weekend in Okc. I didn't have much to do since some of my buddies went out to Philly this weekend. My little cousins stayed with me on Friday night and we spent 48 hours trying to figure out how to download and erase music off of Ashley's apple ipod nano. I guess I'm just not tech savvy...or maybe I'm just an idiot, but it was definitely enough hassle to make me not want one anymore. I much rather invest in a sony walkman and do things the old school way. After 24 hours, Les and I just gave up...she invited a friend (jostlyn-she's the one who did that amazing drawing of Joey Tribiani that I posted on my flog a while back) over and this is what I found on my camera phone once everyone left!



After the girls left, I had a splitting headache due to sleep deprivation, but the weather was phenomenal, so I wanted to take old blue thunder out for a spin. I didn't get too far cuz her tires were flat as pancakes. I did ride down the street and back though...just for kicks!



Sunday was gorgeous weather as well, but sooooooo windy. I took Mousse out for a walk, but she could hardly control her tongue or her ears!!







I spent Sunday afternoon with Andrew at the park. He's just too cute for me to handle sometimes. I think the black and white of us is pretty cute...although it cut off most of his face...it definately captured his best feature!



Sunday evening was spent with my buddy JohnD and his furry sidekick Arthur. We left him outside of Starbucks tied to a chair while we chit-chatted inside. It's amazing how much attention this dog gets!! Seriously, I think every guy in America should invest in a Yorkie...they are definitely chick magnets!

And that was my weekend folks...in a wrap up!

I'll keep you my dirty little secret...

I ran with my pup last night, and I slowed my pace down really slow (or slower than usual) to take this picture with my camera phone. I do love having a camera phone...I find that I don't have to lug my camera around everywhere I go anymore. I actually might have to dust it off this weekend and see if I can find some blogworthy material to take pictures of.

It's Fridayyyyyyy...Thanks to Slazzo calling me laaaate last night, I didn't get much sleep. However, I'm eternally grateful for the wealth of information he shared with me! May the Lord's traveling mercies be with you, Slazzy as you embark on your many travels and stressful work weeks ahead!

Speaking of travel...most of my girls are in Philly this weekend for Staicy's shower...So A. I have to find ways to amuse myself with out them this weekend and B. I'm missing out on all the shower fun. But,I'm sure my email inbox will be innondated with pictures of the festive event come Monday morning. (I hope!)

I have a great "never say never" story to share with you folks. A 58 year old lady at work just showed me a tattoo on her foot. It's of a itty bitty spider...She's totally not the tattoo type, however, her sister-in-law is really, really sick with cancer...their last name is webb and her sister-in-law's nickname is "spiderweb"...thus the tattoo of the spider. Apparently her nieces and daughter came up with the idea of the tattoo...thinking it would be a way to remember their mom/aunt forever. I just thought it was totally cool because she said she would have never thought that she would have gotten a tattoo in her life, but 58...she threw caution to the wind...and got one to remember someone she loves. So my shoutout goes to PW on this funky, fresh Friday...for livin' a little! ;)

I stepped outside this morning and there was a slight chill in the air. I could see the sun trying to fight its way through the clouds, and the ground was wet from rain that fell throughout the night. My memory was triggered, and it took me back to my elementary school days. This was exactly what the weather was like on field trip mornings...there always seemed to be dark clouds that left us with an impending fear of a rained out field trip, which meant it would me be a movie day with indoor recess. It's funny how the slightest things like the weather, a scent, or sound can trigger your memory and take you back to another time and place.

I'm so tired today. I can't seem to fight the yawns. I hardly ever drink coffee, but the thought of it seems appealing to me today. I need something to keep my eyelids from drooping.

I think i might potentially have a stalker on my hands. I'd like to tell you that it is some guy who is obsessed with my obvious charm and wit (HA!) but it's some girl...kinda like the Kathy Bates character in "Misery." She was introduced to me by a mutual friend...she was actually just touring the office of the BC, and I was just doing my best to appear friendly. The mutual friend then told her I was from India. The girl was like super excited about that. Apparently she just read an article about Kerala and how beautiful it was. She kept saying how she wants to go to India...it was almost as if she was waiting for me to suggest that I'd take her there. It was kinda eerie. Then the mutual friend told her I wrote a book. That was enough to kick the stalkerism into high gear. Wouldn't you know it...SHE'S writing a book as well. Lovely. I gave her some tips...to which she seemed eternally grateful. Literally I think she woulda stayed up here and talked forever if not for the mutual friend who had to go. When she left, I felt like a tornado had just passed, and I was left wiping the sweat from my forehead.

A few hours later, there was a fire drill, and I was making my way down the stairwell I head, "hey" and felt a tug on my shirt. Guess who? Yep the stalker. She talked to me about my book the entire way down 7 flights of stairs. Then began discussing her writing process...which was interesting to say the least. She begins with prayer...not to Jesus...cuz she's not Christian...but to this mystical source of peace...because the writing process wears her out. Hmmm...kinda like she wears me out?? She went on to say it's so stressful to write cuz the story is so "twisted." Stupidly, I asked what the story's about..."my life," she replied. (Sue's coocoo alert sounds in her head) I was left wiping the sweat from my forehead once again.

After telling CCL this story...she asked why I was sweating. I told her it was because this girl talks a mile a minute and literally wears me out...she asked me if was really because of THAT or because she makes me nervous. hmmmmmmmmmm.

so today i get an email from her...and what does she ask me? "what's the meaning of life?" yep, guys...I got a doozie on my hands!

Sad...sad...sad

I knew I shouldn't have been too overjoyed when Travis picked Sarah. I mean, after all it's a reality TV show...the likely hood of it lasting forever was slim. I guess the good news is...Travis is still single. Hmm...I always did like Nashville!

Thanks for the info, Staic!

Click here fore the latest new...

Don't get me wrong, I'm elated that my cousin-in-law has been offered a phenomenal new job. I'm thrilled that he will be able to put his engineering degree and his MBA to good use and feel fulfilled in doing so. BUT...I'm quite sad that all this good news requires relocation. It's not like I made drives to Dallas every weekend, but I did make them a few times a year. And Dallas served as my pit stop on my grueling drives to Houston, which is now where Lisa and Alex will be moving. So where will I stop when I go visit them? Sure, I have other cousins in Dallas and a few friends as well, but it's just not the same. Lisa and Dallas, Fort Worth are synonomous. I can't imagine going there and her not being there. Who's going to make the best EVER chocolate chip cookies and down home country breakfasts for me? Who's closet will I go in to and complain about the overabundance of cacky pants? Who's going to call me at the exact moment needed to remind me what direction I need to go when I-35 splits into East and West?

I guess I should be more concerned about the adjustment Lisa will have to make when moving to a city she hates....but I'm more concerned about MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. *wahhhhhhh* I guess the distant cousins are going to be even more distant now. correction..i guess I'll be mroe distant since the Texas crew will all be in neighboring cities and the black sheep (ME) will be all by her lonesome here in OKC.

I shall always cherish my memories of my visits to DFW that stem from my early childhood. The countless summers we spent together, who makes the best fruit salad contests (that i always won), bobby and lisa joining forces to torture me in cruel and unusual ways, going to the wrong house with my luggage in hand, plotting to make mikey jealous with faux-cousins christmas shots, and so many more!!!

*Sigh*...I'm bummed.

Update on the DC's and other Friday Randomness

I had to share this picture of this ball of cuteness with everyone. This is my cousins Mikey and Jessy's new puppy, Napolean. He's a German Shepherd. Isn't he dynamite? ehehe..ok, I won't try to be punny again...okok, I'll stop...I swear. Anyway, Mikey has been naming his dogs historical names since he was a kid...Actually, I think his dad started it with their first dog, which was a Cocker Spaniel named Ceasar. When Ceasar died they got a Chow and named her Cleo...short for Cleopatra...and now, little Napolean.

Anyway, it's Friday...and I must say it's been an interesting day. This morning I was crazy late to work...I noticed this girl, who I can't stand because she seems to be very predjuidice rolled up next to me in the parking lot. I noticed she wasn't getting out of her car, which was odd cuz we were already late. When I looked over at her car, I noticed she was busy working on a suduko (sp?), and obviosly wasn't as concerned about tardiness as I was. Is that strange game THAT interesting??

We had colleague appreciation week this week. So, as a part of it, colleagues bought leis for their friends/coworkers/lovers...whatev...as part of some comradery BS. Surprisingly I got one...but here's the odd part...I have no idea who from. The attached note says "thanks for being a friend"...the handwriting doesn't even look familiar. Sthrange!

I've been really concerend about CCL and SUETEE this week...mainly because I think Sue's officially boarded the coocoo train where Lisa is head railroad engineer!! (eheheh) but also because Sue's mom is moving in with her on Sunday!!! I don't know if I'm more concerned for Sue or her mom. Either way...it's gonna be detrimental to someone's health...hopefully not JP's. Although, according to Aunty, who heard from a very reliable source...another aunty...babies can get hernia's from crying too much!! Sue starts her new job next week, and therefore the new live-in Nanny's on her way. (I'm sure I'll be getting a lot of vent emails/phonecalls) Meanwhile, CCL is facing her own dilemma...she might be potentially moving to Houston. Although this is her hubby's hometown, they both hate the city...(can't say that i blame them)...Poor baby Lauren's soft curls have the potential to turn into certifiable frizz when exposed to that humidity!! This sucks cow dung for me too because CCL and ALex were the only DC's I saw on occasion since Fort Worth is only 3.5 hours away!!...Now, the next time I'll see them is probably Ethan's wedding day!! *sigh*

And Nina...this is for you!
Do I look like Meg? Didn't think so!!!

My friend Ruby, aka Rubix told me about Edy's Slow-Churned Ice Cream with Samoas Girl Scout Cookies in them. It's apparently this limited time only ice cream. Edy's slow-churned is ½ the fat of regular icecream...I absolutely love Samoas. My CCL made up this great story about how they named those cookies samoas...because once you eat one, you want some moa. =) get it? That's CCL for you...corny jokes. Anyway, needless to say, I can't think about much else since Rubix told me about them. As soon as I get off from work, I'm headed to the grocery store to buy it. I have set aside 200 calories...all for my Edy's ice cream. (I am aware of the fact that I'm a very sick individual with strong emotional ties to food!!)

Other than all that...Lost last night was amazing. Things on that island seem to be getting more strange by the episode. I used to have conference calls with my cousins to try to figure out the mystery of the island. But we all pretty much ceased doing that. I think it's bigger than what our wee lil' minds can comprehend!! But, i love the show...and I'm so glad I didn't offer up quitting TV as my Lent sacrifice...cuz I wouldn't have survived a day! But, SunuA did invite me to lunch at one of our favorite spots...Furrs Cafeteria. Yah, I know...who goes to Furrs anymore? We do...we love it. But, I had to tell her no.

I'm rambling on like this so as to avoid the update on my haircut last night. it's horrible....the worst one i've ever had. it's even worse than when sheryl cut it and it was lopsided!! i'm really quite embarrassed of how it turned out, and seriously contemplating buying some prenatal vitamins (that supposedly make your hair grow) in order to make these horrid short layers grow out quicker. For now, they neatly tucked back with barettes and bobby pins. =( I'm quite sad though...I was excited about a cute new do...unfortunately, i wasted 40$ on this crap instead!!!

My Two Lives ~ Jhumpa Lahiri

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11569225/site/newsweek/from/ET/

The hairstyle dilemma continues. I appreciate your feedback, however, I'm still confused. I started off liking look #2, but then overnight, I started swaying towards look #1. #2 is pretty much what I normally do for my spring look, and I really want to be different. And #1 is quite different...however, i wonder if it's appropriate for my round face. eeeeeeeek...decisions, decisions.

Last night I was forced to think about some ugly things. Mainly, the inability that people have to keep it real. My friend Sybil moved to OKC from New York, and she said people there are more upfront about their feelings. She found that hard to deal with here in Oklahoma because we play nice all the time. There's nothing wrong with that if you genuinely mean it, but if you don't, you're not doing anyone any favors by "acting" nice.

I once told her that there's a fine line between being honest and being brash. I don't think you should always be up in someone's face and tell them what you think of them. But, honest correction (if you feel they're doing wrong) and honest about your feelings towards them makes you a respectable person. Talking trash behind someone's back and then approaching that very same person with smiles, flowery words, and ingenuine loves is just plain shady.

I think it's a really difficult thing to do because then you are putting yourself "out there" to be the one who's unliked. And no one wants to be unliked. But, as my friend Sybil said to me once...what kind of friend would I be if I wasn't honest with my friend? The answer is...not a very good one.

Cast Your Votes Now...

k...tomorrow's the big haircut day. i have so many split ends, I have no choice but to cut it!! this is as long as it gets. i found some haircuts that appeal to me...i picked meg ryan cuz she has naturally curly hair...and i already have a favorite...so let's see if you guys agree. don't get scared by the real short cut...i'll do the longer version...so cast your vote...1, 2, or 3!!

oh happy day.............yes, things are as it should be today. the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and sarah is with travis!!! i was sooooooooooo excited last night. yes, me of little faith seriously doubted that travis would do the right thing. but i'm so glad he proved me wrong. what a romantic story they'll be able to tell their grandchildren some day. "fate brought us together on a tv show in paris, france!!!" trav has restored my faith in mankind. i guess the right guy will recognize that being best friends with a girl is a good lead-up to her being that special one!! Thank you, Trav!

so, now what do i do on mondays? i almost gave up reality tv for lent...but uhh...american idol is on...and i'm not catholic...so why suffer? altho my tv watching is getting way out of hand these days. i've pledged that i'd read a book a week...looking back, that was a dumb vow to make. it usually takes me a few months to read a book. damn school for turning me off of reading. anyway, the new show about miracles looks interesting...

I stayed up late last night...well, late to me (11:30)...playing Literati. This is my new nightly routine. Thanks to John, I'm completely addicted to this game now. I guess it's safer than being a fotolog addict these days. Drama seems to ensue there. I, for one, plan to stay clear of it...despite the fact that my name keeps popping up.

Anyway, today's a great day because it's...FRIDAY! But yesterday was a great day too...for many reasons:

*I got my tax refund!!
*A very good friend brought over the most adorable card I've ever seen that contained the best news EVER!!!
*Suetee got a new job!!
*Drew Lachey kicked Arss on Dancing with the Stars
*I discoverd that chocolate chip Eggo Waffles are low cal AND cure my chocolate cravings!
*Staicy said she'd let me make bracelets for her wedding!
*John wrote me the loveliest poem ever, which was awesome cuz no one's ever written me a poem before.
*The heater was officially fixed!

So, hopefully the weekend will be just as good. The weather is become very spring-ish, so I should be getting back to running religiously....I can feel my blues being washed away by good news, good things, and good weather!

Hi there...

I realized that the strangest things annoy me...for instance, the lovely, sweet lady who sits next to me at the office. She does this thing...this really annoying thing...every day her husband calls and they go through this annoying schpeel. I know the schpeel because if I answer the call for some reason he goes through the schpeel with me.

The schpeel:
Her: Hi there
Him: Hello there
Her: HI there.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. It's the last "hi there" that drives me loco. I mean seriously that Hi there Hello there could go on forever if someone doesn't put an end to it. I wish she would emulate my phone conversations:

Me: Hello
Sunu: Hey
Me: What's up?

Do you see how that opens up the door for further communication instead of a repeptive cycle of hi there/hello there. What's worse is...when her husband does it to me.

Me: Hello
Him: Hi there
Me: akward silence

I'm sorry I REFUSE to say hello there again. Clearly, I said hello when I picked up the phone initially. So what kind of effect does this conversation have on me? Well, I used to really like this guy...the husband...but now, if he calls and I answer, I'm immediately rolling my eyes. Like grrrrrrrrrrrrr...I don't want to talk to this guy today and go through the schpeel!

I realize that my fuse gets shorter by the hour...and I really need a vacation or a very strong dosage of a chill pill before I go postal and unleash my frustrations out on innocent, FRIENDLY, unsuspecting victims...pray for me.

My mom's sick. This isn't an enjoyable time for me. This is when the 60 year old acts worse than a 6 year old. She expects to be catered to and babied. Houston, we have a problem. I don't remember ever being babied when I was sick as a kid. Therefore, I don't know how to baby sick people. Thus, the reason I'm not a nurse. I vividly remember driving home from work when I was in college and stopping twice to barf. This was really bad considering I lived approximately 5 minutes away from work. After I got home, BF came to visit me in my sick condition and had to get me Sprite...because the maternal unit was too busy in the kitchen to cater to my sickly needs.

But when she gets sick...it's a different story...She gets extra annoying . She cries about everything. Wahhhh...Mousse jumped on me. Wahhh...the trash is full. Wahh...my daughter didn't call to check on me. Seriously, Lord...Please heal her because I can't take much more of this. Her sickness plus the impending heat problem is about to push me over the edge

Every day after work, I take the long route home. I know, I'm mean...a terrible daughter. blah, blah, blah. But, I just abhor whininess...and my mom has PhD in it.

"Women Tell Off"

I smell defeat for Sarah Tennessee. Is it just me or do the rest of you get that feeling? I am beginning to deal with the disappointment, so I won't be completely crushed come next Monday. Of course, I do have a slight glimmer of hope...but it's minuscule.

After watching the "Women Tell All" night of the bachelor, I have come to a conclusion. Those women are catty biznatches! Was there anyone there that Jenny did not make cry? Not that I felt much sympathy for Krissy's twink, Susan...Her answers didn't make sense. However, that could be because she was sitting in a snake's pit.

Kudos to the Bachelor, who seems to be a Class A individual. He didn't bash anyone...not even the psycho reproduction-seeking doctor. Now, if only he would make the right decision!

Next Monday night...we shall see!!

I know...I wish...I hope
I Live: Oklahoma City, OK
I Work: for the BC
I Talk: English fluently, Spanish when I'm feeling silly, Malayalam like a village idiot

I Wish: to live my life fearlessly and to my full potential
I Enjoy: doing surveys like these
I Look: outside my window at work every day at this big beautiful church and dream of getting married in it some day!!

I'm sure: that even when it feels like i'm all alone, I'm loved.
I Find: personality quizzes so highly interesting
I Smell: glade air wisps
I Listen: this CD finu made me every single night before I go to sleep
I Hide: very little of myself. I'm very open if u ask or care.
I Pray: that I can experience God in a real way.
I Walk: my dog when it's warm outside and we have fun, fun, fun!
I Write: and I love it!...it makes me feel like I am doing what I was made to do

I See: the glass half empty.
I Sing: when no one's around
I Laugh: while I watch friends...even if I've seen it 60 times!
I love: God, writing, my family, my friends...so much more!
I can: eat JC's chocolate cake every day all day!
I Watch: Lost...religiously!
I Learn: from my mom
I Dream: of being a wife, mom, a writer..
I Want: to live life according to God's purpose
I Cry: very rarely now
I Burn: finu's ears when i straighten her hair
I Read: very slowly
I Sometimes: get really frustrated for days on end
I Touch: mousse's ears constantly
I Hurt: when I think that my life is not where it should be
I Fear: that it will never be where it should be
I Hope: that one day i will feel fulfilled.
I Break: bread? i dunno...i don't break things anymore (knock on wood)
I Eat: out of boredom
I Quit: too easily
I Bathe: every morning
I Drink: water only
I Save: wedding cards and programs
I Hug: if forced to
I Meditate: in my room
I Play: scrabble almost every night
I Miss: my dad every day
I Hold: babies every chance i get
I Forgive: easily
I Drive: my mom nuts
I Have: the world's best BF
I Don't: hold a grudge
I Made: pretty cool bead earrings
I Kiss: Suja and Sunu's mom's arss...only cuz i love her!
I Believe: that there is so much more to my life than this
I Owe: Blockbuster for an over due movie
I Feel: like perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel
I Know: all things work together for good that those that love the lord!

I guess I'm witty and warm...

Arena (known to self and others) helpful, modest, patient, shy, witty	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, accepting, calm, caring, clever, dependable, friendly, giving, independent, introverted, kind, loving, mature, nervous, observant, organised, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, searching, self-conscious, sentimental, trustworthy, warm
Façade (known only to self) adaptable	Unknown (known to nobody) bold, brave, cheerful, complex, confident, dignified, energetic, extroverted, happy, idealistic, ingenious, intelligent, knowledgable, logical, powerful, responsive, self-assertive, sensible, silly, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense, wise

All Percentages

able (8%) accepting (16%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (8%) caring (33%) cheerful (0%) clever (16%) complex (0%) confident (0%) dependable (25%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (0%) friendly (50%) giving (25%) happy (0%) helpful (8%) idealistic (0%) independent (25%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (0%) introverted (16%) kind (33%) knowledgable (0%) logical (0%) loving (25%) mature (16%) modest (16%) nervous (8%) observant (16%) organised (8%) patient (8%) powerful (0%) proud (8%) quiet (8%) reflective (25%) relaxed (8%) religious (8%) responsive (0%) searching (25%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (8%) sensible (0%) sentimental (16%) shy (16%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (8%) warm (50%) wise (0%) witty (33%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 17.2.2006, using data from 12 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Suevee's full data.

I thought this was highly interesting. i guess people see me as i see myself...and see a lot more in me that i ever knew!

ooh, i gotta have me that!

When I was fatter, the urge to buy clothes for myself was non-existent. The only time I really shopped was when I had to buy something for myself because nothing else fit. Now that I'm a bit thinner and actually fit into an acceptable size, the urge to buy clothes has increased immensely. I love clothes!...especially when they fit. Target is my absolute weakness. I swear, sometimes they have the cutest outfits...or what I consider to be cute anyway. I think it's common knowledge that I'm an ultra conservative dresser...often compared to the way teachers and bank employees dress. Regardless, I seem to convince myself that it's okay to buy hoards of clothing from Target because it's cheaper and more of a value than my other favorite stores. Today, I took five things into the dressing room and was completely prepared to buy all 5 things. However, I talked myself out of 4 things. The one thing left in my hand was all of 6.99$...so why not buy two?...which is exactly what I did.

I'm trying to budget, but clothes are definitely my weakness. I just need to stay out of Target and shop at Walmart at all times...since their clothes don't provide me with an ounce of temptation whatsoever.

The Bachelor Re-hash!!

bachelor in review...i'm more of an addict after last night's episode!! my faith has been renewed in dr. travis. i was threatening not to watch the show if the final two girls left were the blatantly OBVIOUS wrong choices for him. However, he got smart and started to recognize the shady mcgrady characteristics of Susan. Although she has a beautiful name to match her face ;)...she seemed so fake from the get go. I thought this even before I found out she was an aspiring actress. So Kudos to travis for figuring it out!! Now, his interest in moana, I'll never understand. their overnight date to venice was phenomenal...and was the deciding factor for me when considering future honeymoon spots...(not that i need to make this decision anytime soon) regardless, moana is like a triangle to his circle...it seems like an odd fit. i know, i know...opposites attract...but she seems so emotionally unstable. is it just me who sees this? but these types always seem to get the guy...anyway. of course the guy usually ends up regretting and runs to the girl like Sue...uh i mean Sarah...to vent their woes after the terrible mistake. What's so wrong with a relationship with a strong, rooted friendship first? Isn't there a saying...friends make the best lovers? Geez...none of my male friends seem to have heard that one. It's obvious I'm rooting for Sarah Tennessee. She was the underdog at the beginnning of the season...but has proved herself to be a suitable match for the young, studly doctor. I'm already a nervous wreck about the episode 2 weeks from now. My girl looked fabulous in the previews...i just hope she doesn't get her heart chewed up and spit out!

I guess this is about much more than just the bachelor to me. I've heard the "she's such a great friend" line time and time again...and i'm looking for one solitary soul in this universe to say..."AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED IN MY LIFE." so go sarahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I'll be on pins and needles till the finale!

I have a guy friend or two that other people seem to think are feminine/metrosexual/etc. I think this is totally unfair. Who defined these gender roles? What's wrong with a guy that can cook or puts effort into his wardrobe or wants his house to be decorated well and smell good?

I think a guy with a fashion sense and a creative streak is more manly than a man who scratches his balls while watching a football game. Why? Because these guys are really secure in themselves and their manliness in order to admit that they like candles, think pink looks good on them, give girls advice about hair products, etc.

I know that I completely appreciate the guys in my life who are like this...because you can talk to them about more than ball games, cars, farts, and their jobs. They're cultured and interesting. And although I may join in on the metrosexual jokes on the occasion...I never question their manliness.

She leaned over the edge of the platform to see if a train was in sight. Oddly enough, no one else was around except for the transient seeking a warm corner for his weary body. She passed by him just as he stumbled to the ground, leaving the stench of stale flesh in the air. She couldn’t quite explain what was rising from her chest and settling in her throat. It was as if she had been punched in the gut and the fist was still in position, thwarting her breath. It made her want to cry out. But she feared what people would think of her despite the fact that no one was there to hear.

Suddenly she heard the sound of an approaching train. A sense of relief washed over her, returning the color to her cheeks. With the train now in sight she stepped closer to the edge of the platform again. The train was now close enough to touch and she began to feel at ease.

The cars were a blur as they hummed and clattered past her, but there was something recognizable about the shadows within them. She caught glimpses of images and felt something oddly familiar about them. Were the passengers people she knew? Before she could truly be certain, they disappeared into the haze.

The train did not seem to be slowing down. Instead, it picked up momentum and was now simply rolling swiftly past her. She wanted to reach out her hand and stop it, but she knew her strength was not a force this strong. Her mind began to move quickly as she yearned to join the others on the train. Perhaps she would run as fast as she could and take a leap of faith as she hurled her body toward the train. Her fear held her back from this plan. She then wondered if she should climb back up the subway stairs and find her way through the city barefoot. The dirt would stain the soles of her feet, and she would never find her way.

Overcome by frustration, she rested against a concrete pillar, which she sought for strength. She pulled her knees to her chest as a tear streamed down her cheek. Wiping the tear, she felt something foreign under her finger tips. She rifled through her purse quickly and found a compact. She opened it hesitantly and with fear in her eyes, she stared at the image looking back at her. She barely recognized her own face with wrinkled skin and graying hair.

What seemed like a short time became infinity as she waited for that train to stop and let her on board. Minutes were really hours, hours were years, and years were decades. And she realized she had spent her life on the platform of the subway station…thinking, planning, waiting, hoping…but not living.

I feel like I'm working on so many things at one time, which has been fairly hard for me to handle. I've been working on my budget/finances, losing weight, growing out my hair (which might not sound like a task for some, but certainly is for me), writing more, reading more, finding a new job, etc, etc...

With everything that's going on...I simply love when I discover things that can help me kill two birds with one stone. My good friend and neighbor, the Illustrious Finuji and I went grocery shopping a few weeks. In our quest to find the cheapest grocery store to help us with our new found budgets, we tried out Crest Foods. I'm not quite sure the prices are as rock bottom as they claim for them to be...Walmart seems quite a bit more affordable. However, Finuji introduced me to Michelina's low-cal frozen meals that are only 98 cents!! I bought it out of pure cheapness...who could pass up the thought of spending 5 bucks a WEEK on lunch? typically people spend 5$ a day! I thought surely they would taste like cow dung or something comparable...

but they are actually pretty dern good. Now buying a lean cuisine or smart one for 2.50 is a splurge...only for special occasions. Of course, the serving size is enough to feed a small human with very little appetite...but it's nothing that a bag of baked/low calorie lays on the side can't fix.

It just occurred to me that I'm blogging about cheap frozen food. what has my life come to if I find this subject matter exciting?

I've been thinking lately that I have nothing to blog about...but then, after talking to my cousin Tee last night, I realized my whole life is one big blog...and the title is "the plight of the single woman." I have stories...disasterous stories...funny-as-hell stories...sad stories etc, etc...

Last night's topic of conversation stemmed from a re-hash after "The Bachelor." We were discussing Sarah from Tennessee...the girl who merely lives a block away from the bachelor...the good, wholesome, real girl...who has no ulterior motives and plays no mind games. She's the best candidate for the bachelor. I think he himself knows this, but for some reason...their relationship hasn't moved past the stage of friendship.

This is what we discussed...how on earth do you move past that stage? I'm constantly labled "the faithful friend"...I often say that God meant to make me a chocolate lab because truly...I'm man's best friend. Tee says it's about sex appeal. I quickly asked her if this is why her husband fell for her...and she burst into laughter. Ok...so maybe it's not about sex appeal. She said I should use clever little flirtatious comments. I guess it would help if my brain processed comments like that...but I always think of clever things to say afterwards. Grrr...I hate that!

I got no game...but is it about game? I keep telling myself to just be myself...and the right guy will appreciate my qualities. But, is it really that simple?

Morning radio in Okc is oh-so-annoying. One female dj's voice is soooooo annoying, that I have to change the station every time she speaks. I usually try to listen to Christian radio in the mornings...it keeps me positive and has no commercial...but some of those songs serve as a lullaby that can put me to sleep, which isn't good when I'm driving. So, that leaves me tuned into 97.9. The thing about the morning dj's on the show is...they are basically a group of friends and they talk about thier clique, which makes you feel like you're a part of the group...they also do weird things like "piss on your ass" contests that I don't approve of, which is when I switch stations...but today, they discussed something interesting..."Broke Back Mountain" and its' success.

Before I go into this schpeel...let me clearly state one thing. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST HOMOSEXUALS. I think people assume that Christians hate gays. But if one is TRULY a Christian, they won't hate the sinner, only the sin. That being said, I would never condone the behavior, but I'd also never turn my back on anyone who told me they were gay. In fact, I've had gay friends in my lifetime, and the guys were so much fun. I even had to go to a gay bar to pick one of them up from work and it was nothing short of interesting. So what I'm trying to say is that my opinion of the movie has NOTHING to do with my feelings about homosexuals...

Ok...sooooooooo, one of the radio guys felt that the success of the movie was only because it was a gay movie. I tend to agree. I mean, grant it...the actors did a wonderful job...no one's doubting that. But, if the movie was about a straight couple that had a sordid love affair on a mountain...there would not be half as much as hype about it as there is now. It would have been considered a cheesy romance.

I watched the movie...I found it far from spectacular. But, if you're looking for a spectacular romance...go see Tristan and Isolde!...AMAZING!!!

Now, Friday shoutoutz....

To my fwiend, John D...who has a wounded heart. This too shall pass. ;)

To me...for finally finishing my splash o' pink room!

To tax refunds coming in sooooon!!

To having only one short hour left till lunch!

have a great weekend, folks.

I was sent trapsing down memory lane this week after reading several of the flogs about grandparents. I hear my mom tell my niece and nephews that she loves them all the time. This wasn't a phrase I grew up hearing. This might be part of the reason that I have such a tough time getting those words to form on my lips and roll off my tongue. Regardless, I think it's sweet that she realized the importance and now expresses herself in such manner with the grandkids. I remember longing for that bond when I was kid...even now at times. I never knew either of my grandmothers. My dad's mom died when he was only a few months old. Someone once told me that I favored her. She had curly hair and a creative spark. My mother's mom died in 1987, a month after my father's death. I had only met her one time when I was 3, and I scarcely remember her at all. Last time I went to India, about 3 or 4 years ago, I re-met my mom's aunt...my great aunt. She made such a fuss about me and sniffed-kissed my cheeks like sweet amachis usually do. She doted on me and insisted we stay with her for a while. I liked being around her because of her loving nature...it was the closest moment I'd ever come to of having a real grandmother. I often think of her sitting in her house on the hill alone. I certainly hope her real grandchildren think of her often and appreciate her nearly as much as I did for those brief moments.

My grandfathers are another story. Although he is still alive , I hardly know my mother's father. I remember going to India when I was high school and asking apachen if he wanted to listen to my walkman. He obliged as he ate a cookie. Sweets were his favorite thing ever. Even now, although he rarely gets up from his bed and has withered into frail bones, barely holding up loose flesh...he happily ate the cookies my sister brought him when she visited him last month. My last trip to see him opened up a realm of understanding for me. I discovered the little intricacies of what makes my mother tick and why she is the way she is by watching Appachen and his ways. They are very much alike. My dad's dad, on the other hand, was my baby sitter when I was a kid. i have so many memories of him from my childhood. He never spoke English, however my sister, brother, and cousins always thought he secretly knew it but was a part of some covert plan set up by our parents, who used my gramps as a spy to listen and overhear our conversations and see if we were up to no good. One day, he came to pick me up from school...(we walked home together every afternoon) For no apparent reason some kid walked right up to me and started kickin the crap outta me. My gramps saved the day. He walked right up to the kid and pulled him off of me. And then we walked home in silence...well, other than me sniffling from time to time. I sorely miss my gramps...sadly, the last memory I have of him is watching him die before my eyes...surrounded by those he loved with words of praise on his lips until the very last moment. Oddly enough, he died the same year my father and grandmother died...on my father's birthday.

There's just something sweet about the love of a grandparent...I'm glad I was blessed enough to know that kind of love if even for a short while. I often wish that my niece and nephews...and possibly my own kid would have had the opportunity to know their grandfather....because i'm quite sure they woulda been the apple of his eye. ;)

55 words of fiction...buahaha!

ahhh Friday. Little can ruin my naturally jovial mood on a Friday. Friday just feels good. There's a sense of freedom in the air. The clock beckons 4:45. ahhh, Friday...I love thee as dogs love tummy rubs...as santa loves Christmas...yah, i'm outta my freaking mind. you would be too if you were in my shoes...if your mindless 9-5 made you feel like eating hot tar might be a preferable experience! I was so bored today that I did something tres mischevious. My pastor's son (who also works here) and I exchange 55 words of fiction Friday. However, we haven't been doing it lately because...well, because by Friday every ounce of creativity has been sucked out of my being.

So, today...I'm feeling a little spunky and I decide to write him the following email:

I couldn’t take it anymore. This morning I handed my two week notice and resignation letter in. Hopefully God will open another door for me. I have 2 weeks to find out. I’m not quite sure what I was thinking. A part of me is relieved, but the other part of me is very scared.



He calls me a second later..."Sue, tell me your kidding," he says with shock.

"55 words of fiction," I replied between chuckles.

"Your cruel!" he exclaims.

"No, I'm clever," I state proudly.

That's it folks...the hilight of my day. So...shoutoutz time...

To me for finishing Harry Potter and moving right along to "memoirs of a geisha"

To me for thinking of that clever prank to pull

To me for not biting my nails at all this week...despite the fact that you can see white tips on them!!

To Sunu for suggesting a girls night out tonight...i really need one!

To Sunu for bringing me back a snazzy scarf from Canada!

To my mom being outta the house tonight and unable to biyatch about when I decide to return home from the girls night out!

To John...the only guy who's allowed on the girls night out

To Monday...the only Monday i'm ever gonna look forward to...it's PAY DAY!

Four~ courtesy of Scorpsy

Four jobs I have had:
*cashier @ Hyde Drug when I was 16. I worked at drugstores my entire high school/college career and made awesoem friends through the experience. Good memories....

*loan processor @ UC Lending. This was quite possibly the funnest job I had. I worked every day with Sunu A and we constantly talked, laughed, and enjoyed!

*Car re-possesser in Dallas. I didn't actually go pick up the car, but I processed the paper work to pick up the car. man, that was interesting. but, there too...I made friends with a group of interesting people. It was so much fun to work with people my age...of all races and backgrounds. I remember taking the group to an Indian party with me...fun times.

* Customer service rep...I remember when I first started, they used to beg me to talk. A year later...all I ever heard was "you talk too much."

Four movies I could watch over and over:
*My Best Friends Wedding
*Shrek
*Monsoon Weding
*Pretty Woman

Four places I've lived:
*Chicago, Illinois
*Ft. Worth, Texas
*Houston, Texas
*Oklahoma City, Ok

Four TV shows I love to watch:
*Friends
*Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
*Extreme Make Over Home Edition
*Lost

Four places I've been on vacation: (I'm going to keep it domestic)
*New York City, NY
*Orlando, FL
*Washington, DC
*Nassau, Bahamas

Four of my favorite foods:
*Pepperoni pizza
*JC's chocolate cake
*cheeseburgers from McD's
*Big Ol' Burritos from Taco Bueno

Four places I'd rather be right now:
*New York City
*Orlando
*Colorado Springs
*Corpus Christi


Four sites I visit daily:
*fotolog
*bloglines
*doteasy
*gmail

Four Bloggers I am tagging:
*DM
*Sunu K
*Distant Cousins
*Blessed

I stole the following from my pal Miss SunuK- from the extraordinary life of an not-so-ordinary librarian.
Facts about me:
A is for Age:
31...time keeps slipping away like sands thru an hourglass

B is for Booze of choice:
Vodka most preferably mixed with something fruity

C is for Career:
I wish C stood for chip of choice because that would be easier to answer...hmm, a writer?

D is for your Dog's name:
Mousse...short for Moussipher

E is for Essential items you use every day:
Oatmeal, my cellphone, straws, my black sweater (the 2nd one that is currently missing!!)

F is for Favorite song at the moment:

Check up on it-Beyonce

G is for favorite Games:
Scrabble

H is for Hometown:
Chicago, Illinois.

I is for Instruments you play:
Piano, Clarinet, Cymbals, and Tambourine. ;)

J is for Jam or Jelly you like:
mmm..I don't have the luxury of eating jam anymore, but peach was so awesome!

K is for Kids:
Yes, please

L is for Last kiss:
don't ask it will only depress you

M is for Most admired trait:
loyalty, humility, humor, selflessness

Most admired by others?
probably humor

N is for Name of your crush:
Barrett Hardridge, a beautiful brown-eyed boy

O is for Overnight hospital stays:
yep, once

P is for phobias:
failure and bad guys

Q is for quotes you like:
I am woman hear me roar. that's the only one i can think of at the moment

R is for biggest Regret:
no regrets- it's too late now

S is for Sweets of your choice:
JC's chocolate cake

T is for Time you wake up:
6:30

U is for Underwear:
All you need to know is that I wear them.

V is for Vegetable you love:
broccoli, zuchinni, corn on the cob

W is for Worst Habit:
biting my nails

X is for X-rays you've had:
2

Y is for Yummy food you make:
I make awesome brownies, my chicken parmesan and pasta fazul isn't so bad either

Z is for Zodiac sign:
Libra

The things that clutter my mind...

I talked with Scorpsy last night when she was feeling a bit blue. Ever the advice-giver, I suggested she use the blog to vent her frustrations. It's the perfect space to do so, since you can't be interrupted. So, I decided to take my own advice. My mind has been cluttered lately. That's the best term I can use to describe it. I shy away from discussing my issues with ANYONE because I'm quite sure people are tired of hearing about it and I don't think many would understand. It's hard to understand a position you've never been in.

I'm not seeking anything from anyone by writing this. Please don't feel compelled to give me advice or moral support...I'm not fishing for compliments or trying to get anyone to rally to my side. I'm just using my space to vent. Nothing more...Nothing less.

The things that clutter my mind....

Lately I wonder if my creativity is officially plugged up. I just read Harry Potter. I must be the last person in America to JUST read the first book of the series and jump on the band wagon. But I'm always a day late and a dollar short. People like JK Rowling and Janet Fitch, the author of White Oleander, inspire and amaze me. They were dreamers who had little hope, but were discovered and rewarded for dreaming. But, then I heard this little voice inside my head tell me that could never happen to me. I feel talentless. In my college days, I tapped into a source of creativity and found it so easy to come up with subject matter for my short stories. And now that source has completely run dry. I've always been one to think that judging a person's writing and creativity is virtually impossible. Everyone has a different style which attracts various types of readers. But now, I feel as if I have no style...

A part of me is certain that my inability to write is because of my lack of writing right now. I'm stuck in an 8-5 that completely stifles me. It uses one portion of my brain, but not the other that screams to be used. I've boxed away everything I love and everything I'm good at for a steady income and a 401k. I stay stifled because I enjoy security way too much and my biggest fear is failure. I've done it way too many times in my life and oddly, I find it less traumatic to sit and rot then to try and fail. I've finally discovered a career that might help me breathe some life back to my writing while allowing me to enjoy the luxury of a steady income. But it's a field I know little about and must research at great length before I deem it "secure." Hopefully, it will be what I need to restore some semblance of sanity to my life. Not only will it allow me freedom to financially pursue some of goals, but it will allow me to use the other side of my brain that's been neglected.

When I was a kid...I used to think driving a car was something so "out there." It seemed like such an impossible feat to actually learn to drive and pass a test. But eventually, I took the steps to achieve the goal...driver's ed, practice drives, learner's permit, and finally my driver's license. Although it seemed impossible, I eventually achieved it. Marriage seemed the say way...It was so "out there." The idea of meeting a guy, loving him, him loving me, and him proposing to me was something that boggled my mind...but like the driving, I figured it'd happen some day. I've done all the appropriate steps...or so I think. I've met guys on my own...I've allowed family to try to play matchmaker...I've even went to India to see what all the hype's about....and still nothing. I've met seemingly perfect men, who had one small flaw...they've had absolutely no interest in me. I've lost track of how many times I've listened to guys list off the characteristics they are seeking in their would-be wives and mentally checked them off as qualities that I've possessed. But, it's almost as if these men have blinders on and they see everyone else, but me. And as time passes, it's harder to sit and listen to men and their lists, it's harder to put my heart out there and be open to someone who has the potential of chewing it up and spitting it out, it's just plain hard to accept that what seems to come so naturally for some won't come at all for me.

So fine...not EVERYONE gets married. It sucks, but I can accept it. But, when you pack up a dream, it's hard to let yourself build new dreams. You fear dreaming or hoping because you don't want to live through disappointment after disappointment. But, what's the use of living if you have no hopes and dreams. I guess disappointments are snags in the road, but that's life...it's just a series of hurdles...some low, some high...but it's all about having strength to jump over it and keep running...even though another one is just up ahead. It'll take some time for me to get myself motivated enough to keep going...but it's something I can and will do. But right now, I just want to be upset/angry/sad because I'm frustrated...

It's sad that the only thing that inspires me to write these days is the Bachelor. I am thankful for the cheeziest show on television because it allows me to put aside my own woes for 2 hours and concentrate on the disfunction in the lives of other women. It's a nice change of pace.

The week's episode was particularly interesting because it kind of showed you what men out there look for in a woman. Now don't get me wrong, I'm quite sure Dr. Travis Stork doesn't represent all the men in America, but I think it's fairly safe to say that many men are looking for the same thing.

I don't know if there are any men out there who read my blog, but if you do and you disagree with anything I'm about to say, please do voice your opinions. I'm curious to know how you feel. In last week's episode, the dashing bachelor let go of "Cole"...who was later described to be the sweetest and most sincere girl in the entire group. The other girls were shocked by the bachelor's decision.

But, isn't this just how it goes? From my experience, it seems that the majority of guys don't like sweet girls. Well, let me rephrase that. They LIKE them. In fact, they definitely want them to be a part of their lives, but not as their significant others. They like the attention and TLC that sweet girls provide but when it comes to relationships, sweet girls are a bore. They don't offer up enough of a challenge or excitement.

9 out of 10 sweet girls have run into a guy who has gotten chewed up and spit out by a feisty girl who not only stole his heart, but stomped on it and broke it when she was done. Afterwards, he complains, whines, and cries to the sweet girl about how horrible and cold this witch was. He then tells her everything he wants in a woman the next time around. Oddly enough, he's describing the sweet girl. Everything he's looking for is right in front of his face, but he's either to A. blind or B. dumb to see it. Does he choose the sweet girl eventually? No, he completely glazes over the fact that she's indeed alive...and pursue another woman who's exactly like the woman he broke up with months before.

So what becomes of the sweet girl? Well, hopefully she will be able to find that needle in the haystack... The one guy who appreciates her for who she is and the sweetness she serves up. It's hard to find, but surely that guy exists somewhere.

what is love?

The stores are now shelved with huge stuffed gorillas, frogs, and teddies, clinging to puffy read hearts, bearing nauseating statments like "I love you"..."Be mine"...and "Happy Valentines Day." My least-favorite holiday will soon be upon all of us, bringing with it more harm than good. This is the day when people raise their expectations, hope beyond hope, and for some...like me...dread beyond dread.

To the poor souls who have resorted to reading this blog as a means of combatting bordom...I warn you...I am in one of those "love's completely overrated" moods. Bear with me if you have the patience to do so. My BF sent me an email today...the question in the subject line was the exact question that had been floating through my head the entire night and much of the morning. "What is love?"

Apparently the question was asked to a bunch of 4 to 8 year olds who had astounding answers...such as, "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands gotarthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8. The rest of the definitions of love were just as impressive. In my effort to write down in words what it is I am looking for and expecting from love...I responded to my BF with these words..."love is a rare and precious jewel that is so hard to find. but to discover love, is worth all the hardships and struggles you face along the way. to find someone who loves you is to find your biggest fan, the one who wipes away your tears with no questions asked, your team mate and partner in this thing called life, who knows your dreams and encourages you to live them."

I hate to bring up something so cheezy as a reality TV show right now, but this reminds me of a scene from this week's episode of the Bachelor. He went on a one on one date with a rather goofy girl. They were in the middle of a river in France, in a romantic boat, having a once-in-a-lifetime type of dinner....and regrettably, she finds this is the most opportune time to cut up an orange peel and stick it in her mouth to make it look like jacked up teeth. As goofy and embarrassing as she was, she said something that totally struck me.

She said, "All I can do is be me...and the person who is out there for me will love me for me." At taht moment, the goofball made total sense. It didn't matter how socially akward she was...the right guy for her woulda laughed with her...and probably made his own set of teeth out of orange peels. I guess that's what I learned this week. The right person will appreciate you for who you are...

I was so looking forward to coming to work and asking for ½ a day off...until I got to my desk this morning and noticed my voice mail button lit up on the phone. I dialed in and heard the heart crushing news...my co-worker would be out, which meant I would need to stay here all day. The weekend was great, and I had high hopes of making it last just one more day.

It was a "catch up with old friends weekend."...and it was really nice. The great thing about old friends is that they truly know you, so there is no need for explanations. You can busy for a month and or six...call an old friend and pick up right where you left off. I reflected a lot upon my friendships this weekend. It's so odd how different we all are yet we have this mutual respect and understanding. Sure, we stomp on each others' hearts every once in a while, but wounds have a way of healing and gaps close with little to no effort. A conversation with an old friend is so natural and easy...like tying a shoe lace. You don't have to hide behind walls or masks, hiding who you are in fear of judgment.

Anyway, all good weekends must come to an end. I must remain behind this screen for another 4.5 hours. I'm going to make head gear out of paperclips...designed to help hold my eyelids up. wish me luck!

My good friend and neighbor, the Illustrious Finuji has pointed out to me on more than one occasion that her husband and I are just alike. I don't know about "just alike" but we do share some similar traits and opinions. The funy think is..I noticed most of my girlfriends have married men who share a lot my interests, opinions, and characteristics. I'm not sure how to explain this...but it's strange on many levels. Strange that a buncha guys are a lot like me...strange that I'm like a buncha guys...strange that my closest friends married guys who oddly enough, remind them of me!

One thing Sheryl always give me a hard time about is my taste in music. She's never heard of groups like Depeche Mode and Pet Shop Boys. The thought of listening to my jams makes her yawn and want to change into her jammies. But then she goes and marries Sujith...who talks about the same bands I talk about. We have the same taste in music...share the love of deep and meaningful conversations...and abhor Sheryl's ghetto supasta qualities.

Sonia's Mattie is very much like me too. If I explain why, he'll just get mad and say that I'm ruining his image. Let's just say it has nothing to do with fixing cars and everything to do with Martha Stewart.

Julie's Derrick is even like me in a very odd way. We have a lot of clothes that are identically the same. This is mainly because I wore guys tshirts for the majority of my life.

I guess Finu thinks Rog is like me because we both hate palappam...we're not huggers, we're more of a "punchya in the arm and say hello" type...and we both have been known to crack a funny a time or two.

Anyhoo...it's becoming a bit alarming as to how similar I am to the boys. Hmm...if I really think about it...It's the boys who brought me into this circle of friends...I only had 2 malu gal pals growing up...but then after going to school with the boys, I became one of them...and slowly but surely, the girls caught on that I wasn't so dorky after all. So, don't assume, I hang out with girly guys...it's more like under all this new-found favorite color pink...I'm a tomboy at heart.

Refocusing on the Vision...

I made a pact with the Billmeister that we'd start working on writing. I'm not going to say "writing our books" because at this point, if I hammer out a short story, I'll be quite satisfied. I have no idea what happened to my imagination or flow of creativity, but is no longer anywhere to be found. Hopefully regular "critique me" meetups with Billy will get me back in gear.

It took me 2 years to write my first book and a 1 year to publish. In the beginning, I never even dreamed of publishing. It was just something fun to do and let my friends read. Now, I feel all sorts of pressure to write another. It's been almost 2 years since the first one published and I haven't even made attempts to write another. Bleh.

Things need to change this year. I need to get back to the things that I love and stop stressing over the things that I can not change. I guess I'll just have to start getting tough with myself...like I did about the weight loss. No pain, no gain.

I haven't been blogging...I haven't really been flogging either. Actually, I haven't been doing much talking for that matter either. My good friend and neighbor, the Illustrious Finuji says I'm performing a "mouna vrath"...or fasting of silence. I caught the tail end of the new Bachelor in Paris last night. As much as I say I don't have the strength to watch it, I know I will find myself in front of the boob-tube every Monday night...addiction will slowly begin.

Last night's episode was purely comical, although a tad bit scary towards the end. It never ceases to amaze how rutheless and couthless a single, desperate, woman can be. One broad was rattling on endlessly about being ready for the "reproductive phase." Now who would go on national television and tell a strange guy that?! Someone who is hopefully getting paid a serious amouth cha-change to look ridiculous on national television!!

Although it seemed very unrealistic...I have to admit that in reality, I've dealt with a lot of women like this. Their hearts get trampled on by men time and time again and they start to get a little coocoo when dealing with the pressures and pitfalls of trying to find Mr. Right. Despair is a very ugly thing. And desperately seeking souls are often a scary sight to see. Case in point, the nutso oncologist on the first episode of the bachelor. I guess this scares me because I fear becoming desperately seeking Susan. Will I crack? Will meeting one more loser push me over the edge of the small cliff of sanity I currently stand on? Am I bound to be one of those women?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaah...the thought makes me shiver in my payless loafers!

Ahhh, thank God it's Friday!!! Why is it that this short week seemed longer than a long week? Maybe I'm just an in-great...but, I need more time off to make up for the sheer exhaustion of having time off. =/ I'm in unusually good spirits today. I attribute my giddyness to finding a wonderful group of people to pray with on a weekly basis. I never realized what a difference it makes, but it surely does. Things don't seem so bleek when you take it to the Lord in prayer.

Anyway, I guess since it's Friday...it's time to bust out with the 06 version of Friday Shoutoutz!!!...(not that it's any different than the 05 version...but just play along!)

1. To my dog Mousse...the past month has been an adjustment for the both of us. I certainly wasn't used to caring for another living being for more than a few hours at a time. But she has taught me a lot about having responbility. I now plan my day around her...waking up early to make sure she gets out and gets fed, getting home to put her to sleep, staying at home more often to play with her and hug her and say "good girl" in my hick accent. I love her when she sleeps while I'm on the computer, and I can hear the lull of her snore...and when she meets me at the garage door right when I get home from work...and when she comes out of her kennel in the morning and jumps on me all the way to the back door, so I'll pet her. I love her most when she lets me hug her and scruff her ears.

2. To Glade Air Wisps...I have tried everything to make my house smell like apple pie. Everytime I go to Billy and Val's house I'm met with the scent sensation of warm apple pie. Val always tells me that it's candles, but candles never do the trick at my house. I've determined that this is because of the stench of masala and cardmom from my mother's cooking that lingers on every stick of cloth furniture and every piece of my clothing. So, I decided to invest in some Air Wisps. I LOVE them. I love them so much that I bought one for the room, the entry way, the kitchen, and my office at work. At 6$ a pop, I consider them a bargain, considering that's how much a candle costs and these are way more effective. It's potent, but not potent enough to combat the smell of spices in the kitchen, but they work fabulously everywhere else. I always get compliments at the office and proudly point to my Air Wisp.

3. To Belle/Jasmine Reese Ko#$@#$@#$+. I don't think she'll ever learn to spell her last name. =) Welcome to the circle of friends with pups. Mousse and I look forward to meeting you. If you promise not to be a "princess", Mousse promises not to pummel you (like she's looking forward to do to Coco Chanel)

4. To my BF...just cuz I'm missing her extra-specially much right now. Life would be 10 more times the fun if I could drive over to house to discuss social excursions and seek clothes and make up advice. She's a drill sergeant when it comes to me looking my best. "straighten your hair, put on lotion, take off that sweater!"...ahh, i miss you, Sergeant BF!

5. To Lerner New York for having a great sale!...i got 4 things for 50 bucks!

6. To Sherika Jenkins James, my Boo, and Sunu A for dragging me to the most anointed prayer group I've ever been to! I think I've not only found new friends for 06...but the spiritual guidance I've been looking for!

And that wraps it up, folks...have a wonderful weekend!

I can't get the Boy George song outta my head!!!

I've been thinking about something..."chameleons"...not the reptile, but the human-version. I think everyone has been a chameleon at some point in their life. Teenagers find themselves acting like chameleons in high school in order to find a place to fit in. Even college-aged chameleons can be expected and understood. But, when does it stop?

If you haven't figured out what a chameleon is yet, let me explain. It is a person who changes in order to fit into their environment. I think it's important to be adaptable. If all your friends want to eat at an Italian restaurant and you are in the mood for Chines, you shouldn't expect 10 people to change their minds because of you....I mean, order a salad, nibble on bread, or get dessert. There's ways of being adaptable. But chameleons do more than adapt, they change and contort their lives in order to fit in with their friends.

Like I said, I can understand when young people do it. It's hard to find your place and be confident in who you are when you're younger. But if you don't have things figured out by 30, Houston...we've gotta problem. Every person has different sides to them, which make them interesting and unique...and you can't behave one certain way all the time...that'd be so boring! For instance, I am pretty straight-laced, but every once in a while...I have the urge to take a walk on the wild side. But, I don't ditch my straight-laced friends in search of new "wild side" friends to do so.

It's hard to figure out who you are and feel comfortable in your own skin...but I think it's important to at least TRY to get to that point instead of changing your identity every 15 minutes. =/

Last night, a few of us girls got together for dinner. While there, the host suggested some "relationship building" activities. She had us each write our names on a piece of paper and pass them around to each person, who would in turn right something nice about each of us. It was an interesting activity. I tried my best to write something different on each person. For instance, "Blessed"...it's obvious that she's a great singer, so I avoided writing that. Instead, I wanted to pick the unobvious...something that would surprise her when she read it. I wanted her and the others to think "Hmm...i didn't know Sue thought/felt that way about me." I was pleased to get my paper back. Most of the girls wrote the same thing on mine in various ways. "I'm funny and they like how I write." I pretty much expected to see those comments because that's how I'm usually described. "Sue's so funny." or "oh...Sue, the writer?" Not that I mind either...

But one comment kinda surprised me. It was from the newest member of the group. She said, "you're different...in a good way, of course." I hear this a lot from my friends who have known me for a long time. I never really fully understood why I get that comment a lot, and I guess in all honesty, I've never questioned why. But, when someone who hasn't been around me that long said it, I started to wonder what made me different.

It's really odd...this whole getting older thing...and for the 2nd time this week, I'm realizing that. In high school and college it was my goal to be different than other Malu kids. So hearing people tell me I'm different would have made me very happy back then. But lately, I just find myself wanting to be like everyone else around me. I don't want to be categorized as different...and I found myself on a quest today of trying to discover what sets me apart.

I'm not sure if I discovered the answer. Most of my friends don't like to elaborate on their opinions....they just say, "I don't know. You're just different." One told me that "I march to the beat of my own drum rather than that of those who try to beat it." I guess what they're trying to say is that it's not a bad thing. I never thought that it was.

I guess after 31 years of being a non-conformist, I kinda want to conform. I dont want to be an odd duck anymore. I know it's wrong to want to be like other people...I know it's weird to have an identity crisis at 31...Maybe I've lost more than a few pounds this year...maybe I've lost my mind too. I'm the girl who preached about not living "cookie cutter" lives...and now I'm trying to squeeze myself into the cookie cutter. Maybe I just need therapry...or maybe just a nap.

Sue's Favorites...

Since the year is rapidly coming to a close I thought I'd do a "Sue's Favorites" blog (in my attempt to be like the queen of TV, Oprah Winfrey) Unfortunately, I'm not rich enough to send you guys a sample of everything listed here. But, I was kind enough to post pics of each thing. Be ever-so-grateful! With that being said...My favorites:


My favorite song of 05 is "Collide" by Howie Day. I had the opportunity to see this in concert, but alas, no one to go with. Such tragedy!


I only read two whole books this year. I know...it's a shame! Since it took me approximately 20 minutes to remember what the heck the other book even was, I decided "In Her Shoes" definitely got the award for my favorite book of 2005. I read this thing while driving, walking, etc..etc...i couldn't put it down!


My favorite movie at the box office. I watched it on Monday, and I thought it was T-riffic. Beautiful imagery...something you don't see often in a movie.


Favorite movie that I rented in 05. "Crash" is definitely one of the best movies I've ever seen. It really showed how no matter how much we try to say we're different...the human nature within us is all the same.


favorite flog meetup of 05! how cool to see almost all of us in one spot for one picture.


my favorite and most funny moment of 2005...no explanations needed. =)


my favorite spot visited in 2005. dip cafe in nyc...awesome fondue lounge with THE best key lime martinis!


my favorite purchase of 2005...Mousse


My favorite picture...taken in Nassau, Bahamas.




Favorite additions to the family...Neesha and Bobby got married in February. Neesha's been a blessing to the family...especially to me because her niceness rubs off on CCL occasionally. Lauren and Joshua are just a few months (April and June) apart...I hope they're this close when they grow...



Favorite additions to the circle of friends. I don't know how Ashley and Sheryl landed Jessy and Sujith, but I'm glad they did. They're both awesome, and I can't wait to spend more time with them in 06. (Especially Sujith...Sheryl, feel free to stay home. ;)

And there you have it, folks...the best of 05!

The parking lot looked sparce this morning. I'm quite sure the majority of my colleagues were home nestled under warm covers smiling in their sleep because they don't have to go to work all week! I, on the other hand, was pressing snooze profusely until I had no choice but to get up and get ready else be late for work. It seems a bit hard to accept that Christams has come and gone. All that planning, buying, wrapping...and the day ends so quickly!

This weekend will also come and go in a blur. Friday night the cousins will start coming in from far and near to pay us Oklahomans a visit! I'm looking forward to it. I'm also looking forward the removal of all things sweet from this office, so I can return to my calorie counting!! As I sit and munch on cinnamon gummy Santas I think about all the weight I've gained through the holidays and shudder to think how painful it's going to be to get back on track!!

I had an interesting experience this weekend, which has led to several interesting discussions about love. I think everything changes when you get older....your expectations, your wants and needs, and your reactions. I'm not sure if everyone agrees with me. But ten years ago, I was looking for butterflies and romance. The chase and the game were fun and challenging and bad boys definitely piqued my interest. Nowadays, it's totally different. I don't have time to chase or play games...romance and flowery words/gestures aren't as important as COMMITMENT, loyalty, trust. I never really realized how age changes thing...not just your appearance, but your outlook, needs, opinions, etc.

On the Eve of Christmas Eve...

Here we are on the Eve of Christmas Eve....It's been the longest week EVER and I'm quite sure today will be a long day. My heart bleeds for those of you who are anxiously wishing away the hours at work today. I feel your pain. I've noticed that flogs and blogs have been kinda scarce lately. I know that I haven't posted in days...people seem a little blue. Isn't that odd? It's supposed to be the happiest/peaceful month of the year. But, so many people lack the happiness and peace that should be abundantly overflowing from our pores right about now.

I'm not sure what it is about December. For me, it's the time I look back at the year, and see how far I've progressed. Since I'm my own worst enemy...I typically look at how LITTLE I progressed. I think I'm just too tired to hope and dream for next year...to vow that things will be different...that things will take a turn and start happening. This year, I have decided to kinda let go and let God.

Don't get me wrong...I'm not giving up. I'm still going to search through job ads, pray profusely...but i'm not going to beat myself up...i'm not going to get depressed...i'm not going to spend countless hours hoping and wishing...i'm just going to do the best I can at what I'm doing now, and trust that God will open doors for as He sees fit.

Every day on my way to work I listen to two morning dj's...one who pretends to be Santa and the other, who acts like his faithful elf. They talk to kids who call and want to give Santa their Christmas list. It dawned on me that kids are becoming more high maintenance...and more expensive. I've decided that in order to escape all the commercialism of Christmas, I will teach my children that it's better to give than receive...and devise some sort of plan to teach them this lesson. I figure I have a while to come up with this plan.

In the meantime...I thought it'd be kinda fun to make my own grown up Christmas wish list. Of course, I'd want peace on earth and goodwill towards all men. But, that's not what this list is about. This list is about pure unadulterated greed...and what I'd want for myself if there really was a Santa that flew through the night with 8 magical reindeer in order to provide me my every want and need. Here we go!...

A new car. I love my Honda CRV, but i have spent the past 7 years beating the crap out of it and now it's time to move on. An acura RS would suit me just fine. I know it's small, but I don't tote around an entourage anymore...so this will be perfect!

An Anna Sui ring. I know I just discovered this last week when my fellow flogger posted hers. But, I instantly fell in love with the idea of having my own perfect shade of lip gloss attached to my finger at my hour of need. Unfortunately, I live in cowtown USA and we dont' have a Sephora store...and all the online stores are sold out.

A wristlet. I've wanted one forever, but again...Cowtown USA doesn't have any that I've seen.

A camel hooded coat at GAP. I could kick myself in the head for buying the one at Pennies...that one is gray, which is ok...but the camel one is oh so cuter, the same price and lined with hot pink!!!! can it get any cuter? I was weeping when I saw it.

Gap also has 20$ cowl-neck sweaters on sale. I shoulda jsut picked one up, but i feel like i'm being selfish when I buy something for myself at Christmas.

An all expense paid trip to San Francisco. I want to try the West Coast this year instead of my annual excursion in NYC.

That's all...see I'm not too greedy. Just kinda greedy. ;)

To Cut or Not to Cut? That is the question...

I'm having hair issues again. I'm bored with my current do, and I'd like to find something new. (I didn't mean to rhyme) My hair is currently not short and not long. So my question is...should I grow it out or cut it short? To help me answer this question, I consulted my old pictures. I decided that either way I go, I'm screwed...so I might as well look into a weave. =/

In other news, it's Friday! Can I getta Ha-le-lu-jah? I'm going to spend the weekend shopping and wrapping and partying...as much I know how to party anyway. Since it's Friday, you know what that means...it's time for my shout outz!

First shout out for this funky, fresh Friday goes out to my pupster, Mousse. She made me so proud today! She hardly touched her breakfast this morning so I was a bit perplexed. Apparently she had an upset stomach. She ran to the back door and whined!! When I opened the door, she ran out and did her business! She's learning!!!!

To my forever friend Sherry P. When I asked her how her family spends Christmas, she shared her very special tradition with me. She buys a birthday cake that says "happy birthday jesus." On Christmas morning, the babies sing Happy birthday, eat the cake for breakfast, and open their one present each from mom and dad. Santa means nothing to them!

To Sherika Jenkins James Jacob who texted me saying she made a $100 on a grant. I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds good! Congrats!!

To poor DM who is sicky sick because he's been traveling non-stop since November. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Fudge is on the way to cure ALL your ailments.

To me...for coming up with the freakin cutest Christmas Card for Christmas 05. ;)

To the Illustrious Finuji for clueing me in to the conspiracy of the "others" who are plotting to take over OKC. I will NOT be one among you! Hell no...I won't go!

To next week and all the Christmas presents that should come rolling in from the Execs!

Have a fabulous weekend!

I figured I'd better post...it's been a while. I made my first batch of fudge last night. Oh my God...forget gold...I bet the streets of heaven are paved with fudge! I was watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory the other night, and I thought to myself that if heaven looked like that, I might work extra hard to get there. I know, I'm horrible!

Work has been entertaining as of late. Don't get me wrong, I still hate it. But funny things have been happening around here. For instance, yesterday we had a meeting about the dress code. Apparently anyone who works in the executive offices must wear suits or professional dress 6 days a week. Considering, I don't own a suit and would look like a retard if I did, this proposes a problem. Some of the girls got in a tizzy about this. And said that the men never wear jackets...they take them off. So, they said, they'll just keep a suit jacket on their chair (regardless if it matches)..if that what it takes to comply with dress code. I am wearing a jean jacket today. I am highly doubtful that this qualifies with the "jacket" attire they were suggesting. Anyway, alllllllll this to say...one of the lawyers was kind of arguing the point. He leaned back in chair and was giving us all the differentiation between business attire and casual attire and the entire time his fly was open. I couldn't look at him in fear of DYING laughing.

Another funny incident occurred when I was riding in the elevator with this woman. Her hair looked like she got it cut with highlights, so I complemented her. She said, "thanks it's a wig." I didn't know what to say in response. 2 minutes later the door opened and she walked out and I still hadn't said anything. On the way up to my floor, I wondered why in the hellz people give out such information like that. Why wouldn't one just say thank you and move on with their lives?

Ahh well, it makes for some entertainment for me.

TGIF, people. The morning was flying by, but the afternoon is crawling by at a snail's pace. My head is throbbing to the beat of this song..."i don't want to work...i just wanna beat on a drum all day." have you heard that song? the radio station plays it on Friday, and it sticks in my head all day. =/ i've been off on track on my daily/weekly rituals lately. no words of the day...no Friday shout outs. i guess i was getting a bit bored with things. so to spice things up, i decided fridays would be a foreign word of the day. that being said...

Today's foreign word is:
Hausfrau -german- means housewife

Now for my shoutouts:

To Snackaway snacks...As a kid, i loved oatmeal cookies with the creme centers. I haven't had one in a longggggggg time. But thanks to Snackaway, which makes creme centers out of yogurt, I get to eat oatmeal creme cookies for merely 110 calories!!

To Bubba's Barbecue...it was my free lunch today. It's the best barbecue on this side of the mississippi.

To Scott Meacham, for issuing refund checks in Oklahoma. an extra 45$ never hurt anyone!

To Walmart, for carrying jewelry making supplies!!

To the BC...thanks to him, I have some free tickets to the Nutcracker again this year!

To my dog Mousse for learning to stay off the good carpet and for not having any accidents yesterday!

To the Illustrious Finuji for puppy sitting for me tonight!!

have a wonderful weekend, people...

I heard a very interesting fact on the radio this morning that stemmed this blog...

John Lennon was shot dead on December 8th, 1980.
Mayim Bialik (Blossom) is now a stay at home mom.
Sean Cassidy (70's teen idol) is the writer of the TV show Invasion.
Taji Mowry (cute little bro of Tia and Tamara) plays football for a university in Georgia.
Scott Baio (happy days) directs the TV show the Parkers. He also dated Pamela Anderson!
Debbie Gibson was a playboy pinup!
Both Jack and Kelly Osbourne were in rehab
Justine Bateman (Mallory, FAmily Ties) is a fashion designer
Marie Osmond has her own doll company
Chad Allen (Our house) is gay!!!

Pretty interesting facts, eh?

I've been getting quite a few complaints about not updating my blog. I don't know what it is about this time of year that pushes me into slow-mo. I have no energy to do much of anything...not even write. I know it's supposed to be the season of good cheer, love, joy, peace and all that jazz...but I typically get into a royal state of funk. There's something depressing about reflecting on the past 365 days of your life and realizing that once again...your goals, dreams, and aspirations for the coming year...are exactly the same as the goals, dreams, and aspirations you had the year before...and the year before that...and the year before that...and the one before that!!!! =/

Anyway, I will end this blog with some positivity....a glimmer of hope and joy.

The top ten things I love about the Christmas season....

I love that everyone bakes on the weekends. So on Mondays people bring cookies and fudge to work so everyone can have a taste test.
I love that it's the only time of year when I can find eggnog!
I love that everyone's in a rush and the streets and stores are busy, so even if you live in a slow paced town it feels like life in the big city.
I love to see all the unique and creative decorations people come up with
I love that I have an excuse to buy ribbon and lots of it.
I love Christmas music
I love that summer clothes are on sale for under 6$

I am sleepy. That's an understatement. I'm exhausted. The pupster kept me awake last night. While she cried endlessly, I searched frantically for a ticking clock. Finally I just took one off the wall and placed it on her carrier. Within minutes, she was fast asleep and so was I!!!

I was just about to fall asleep behind the computer when my co-worker reminded me that it was time to go down to the party. Today's AF's 45th birthday, so in honor of the milestone they had cupcakes, icecream, games and goody bags filled with toys and candy for all of us. With no time to play games, I scurried off with my goody bag and cupcake to find my officemates rummaging through their goody bags and trading toys and candy. I know what you all are thinking. "why does she HATE that job again?" I do. Enough said.

Tonight I will attempt to take Mousse for a walk, try my best to create a schedule for her, do some work that I'm behind on, and attempt to sleep at a decent hour. We shall see what all I accomplish from that list. =/

Felix...one strange kat!

I think I'm going to hang out at the aiport more often. As I stood there leaning against a pole as I waited for my mom last night, I thought about how intriguing it would be to work at an airport. Why?...because people are so dern interesting...and where else but at an airport would you find such a wide variety of people?

Let's just take last night for instance. I was only there waiting for 10 minutes. But within that 10 minutes, I saw at least 3 characters that I would seriously make interesting subjects for short stories. But the most interesting was Felix.

I'm not sure why I chose Felix, but it just sounds like a pimp name to me. This is exactly what Felix looked like. The elevator door opened, and all i could see was a luggage cart, full of luggage. The driving force behind it was completely hidden behind the pile of suitcases. All of a sudden I saw a pair of feet slide on either side of the luggage, as if the body behind it was holding on to the cart for dear life, but the two cream alligator loafers slipped and almost lost control. Finally the feet scuffled together, and from behind the cart emerged Felix. At first, I thought he was wearing a Halloween costume, but I quickly remembered that Halloween had come and gone. Felix was wearing a light green and gold checkered suit with a long jacket and a vest. He had a green tie to match and a creme hat to match his creme shoes. I wasn't the only one who looked at him quizically. What struck me as funny was his stride. He walked around the airport as if it was completely normal for him to be dressed like a pimp in the mid-1970's, and the rest of us were stuck in a fashion time warp.

If I saw someone as interesting as Felix within the first 10 minutes at the airport...imagine what I could see in an 8 hour shift!

I'm ba-ack (again)

After 2 weeks of traveling, I'm finally back home for a while. And I must say, it feels good. I now have to somehow get myself back into the groove of being at work, watching what I eat, and running. The misery I will face of in the coming days as I re-train myself will be well worth it...considering all the fun I had. My trip to Houston was a killer. Never again will I drive 8.5 hours by myself again. Especially since I have this problem where I sleep while I drive!! I went to H-town to see my cousin Kenji Burian and attend my newest nephew's baptism. Both were very eventful. After the baptism, I discovered I locked my keys in my car. Poor Jessy, who donated her triple A card so I could call a locksmith. As we waited for triple A to show up, we both got bit by fire ants. My foot itched like crazy..but Jessy had an allergic reaction, which caused her to itch from head to toe, turn red, swell, and she couldn't breathe. Later in the ER, Mikey compared her to the scene in Hitch when Will Smith reacted similarly to sea food. Horrible situation!! But glad to report that she's much better now!

I'm currently recuperating from my travels and worrying myself sick about getting the dog TONIGHT! Will I be a good dog owner? I hope so. I have no one else to devote my time and attention too. So, I think this will be a good thing...for both of us. I hope.

Other than all that jazz, i'm still waiting to hear from the jobs. The wait is pretty much making me crazy. But what is it that they say? Patience is a virtue. Lord knows I should be the most virtuous person around...considering all the things I've been patiently waiting for. ;) So anyway, for those kind souls who have been praying over the matter...please continue to pray for me. Also...for those of you blog readers who aren't flog readers. A fellow flog sister's mom is pretty ill right now. Please keep Sibil, her mom, and her family in your prayers...that she will get through this and be able to come home soon!

That's all for now, folks!